Sergeant Bulk Goes to College
It was my first day of grad school since my discharge from the Marine Corps. I had a little trouble finding the classroom so I arrived 15 minutes late. I had just come from the gym and my lats were too flared to fit through the front door. When I finally entered the classroom the professor said to me "You're late...Mr?."
"Mr?!", I yelled at him. "You better address me as Sergeant!"
Professor: "I'm so very sorry Sergeant. Please have a seat, Sergeant?"
Me: "It's Sergeant Bulk!"
I took my seat.
Professor: "Well Sergeant Bulk, I regret to inform you that your attire is not suitable for the classroom. Please change into something else or remove yourself from the classroom."
I was dressed in my usual attire; camo pants tucked into my combat boots, weightlifting belt around my waist at all times, and posing oil rubbed all over my shirtless body. Not to mention, my fresh new crew cut. All the women were drooling as they were mesmerized by my aesthetics.
Me: "I'll bargain with you Professor. Since I walked in late to your class, I'll put a shirt on. I'll even let you live this time, but don't ever disrespect Sergeant Bulk like that again. Do you hear me?"
I snapped my fingers and demanded the filthy hippie sitting behind me give me his Che Guevara shirt.
Me: "Thanks for the shirt. I ran out of toilet paper."
The professor proceeded with his lecture and everything was going fine until he started with his liberal commie anti-America propaganda speech.
I stood up and ripped my shirt off and started beating my chest like a mad man. Then I let out a roar that was so loud the walls were tumbling down. The professor pissed himself as I was walking towards him with steam coming out my ears.
Me: "So you really think the U.S. is the most barbaric country on Earth?! Do ya you faggotty effeminate commie fuck?!"
Before he had a chance to say anything, I grabbed him by the throat and lifted him 5 feet off the ground. After he stopped breathing I let him go. I didn't get a good enough workout that day so I did power cleans with his lifeless body. Then I threw him so far he landed in North Korea where he thinks is so much better than than here.
I stripped down to my posing thong and oiled up my body for the class to mire as I did a rear double biceps pose. One girl in the class fainted. Another girl got so wet I had to put a Caution Wet Floor sign in the aisle.
I stood at the podium and waited for the class to stop cheering.
Me: "Attention class. I will be taking over the class until further notice. From now on our class will be meeting at the gym. Your first assignment will be to deadlift as much as you can for one rep. Your final grade will be based on how much your strength increases by the end of the semester."
Liberal douchbag: "But Sergeant Bulk, this is International Relations. What does the gym have to do with the subject of this course?"
Me: "The iron will teach you everything you need to know about life son."
I dismissed the class and everybody was so pumped up that they all shouted "USA! USA! USA!" as they rushed to the nearest DMV to register to the Republican Party.