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    That's how I get free colonoscopies.

    That's how I get free colonoscopies.
  2. Poll: Pay teachers and cops like they are rock stars...

    Pay teachers and cops like they are rock stars and you'll suddenly find the best of the best fighting to become teachers and cops.
  3. Poll: Considering most cops only shoot their pistol...

    Considering most cops only shoot their pistol when they qualify once per year it's no wonder he couldn't hit his target.
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    BTW, I had an umbilical hernia. Took forever to...

    BTW, I had an umbilical hernia. Took forever to heal up. But then I was a tool and tried to get back to work right away without taking enough time off. That led to it being more painful and...
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    WTF is the dealio with the big-ass scar?

    WTF is the dealio with the big-ass scar?
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    This right here. Those stupid fucks want...

    This right here. Those stupid fucks want everyone to live in fear of them. And it works for the most part. I say to the ISIS fags "Bring it, cunts!"
  7. Thread: My Diet

    by Zaphod
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    450 calories? No wonder you're tired and weak. ...

    450 calories? No wonder you're tired and weak. That's not enough to fuel your body through the day, and that's just laying down watching tv shitting and pissing yourself.
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    Sticky: http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/Scarlett-Johansson-h...

    http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/Scarlett-Johansson-hobo-yoga.gif
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    Hat's off to you, man. Those are pretty intense...

    Hat's off to you, man. Those are pretty intense fighting arts to be working on simultaneously. Take a little break from things. They'll still be there when you start up again. I'll be 45 next...
  10. According to the article he broke up with her in...

    According to the article he broke up with her in May and he just shows up now and expects her to just be waiting for his return?
  11. I'm ready for the zombies. Bring it, fuckers!

    I'm ready for the zombies. Bring it, fuckers!
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    Yes. Shit damn that was some fucked up shit.

    Yes. Shit damn that was some fucked up shit.
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    Assholes are only alive because it's illegal to...

    Assholes are only alive because it's illegal to kill them out of hand.
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    Many moons ago we had a shitty mail carrier. I...

    Many moons ago we had a shitty mail carrier. I was working in my driveway about 50 feet from the mailbox one fine afternoon when the mail whore pulls up, drops off the mail and leaves. So I walk...
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    Those sure are some brave motherfuckers ambushing...

    Those sure are some brave motherfuckers ambushing defenseless people.
  16. I like how it says "suspected in videotaped...

    I like how it says "suspected in videotaped beating." There is no "suspected" about this. With what you said there would be no safe place in this world for someone who did that to my wife.
  17. It's only a word. Only ignorant people give a...

    It's only a word. Only ignorant people give a word power over them. Ignorance is a choice.
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    I think it sounds more like they are choking on...

    I think it sounds more like they are choking on hog balls while they are speaking.
  19. Thread: I may be dying.

    by Zaphod
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    Yes, you are dying. The rate at which you are...

    Yes, you are dying. The rate at which you are dying is up for debate.
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    It's not beer, but vodka.

    It's not beer, but vodka.
  21. Thread: Deadpool

    by Zaphod
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    1,272

    Dammit! Says video does not exist.

    Dammit! Says video does not exist.
  22. The fuckers need to be in prison waiting for...

    The fuckers need to be in prison waiting for their murder trial. The rest of the NYPD needs training on how to deal with civilians. Also, they need more firearm training. They seem to be some of...
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    The folks posing at my gym are more like Uncle...

    The folks posing at my gym are more like Uncle Rico.

    http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZIfCfpb0UnY/Uy7Svus6d1I/AAAAAAAAC5w/uml5AjAfX_c/s1600/rico3.png
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    Facebook would be creepy. That means you're...

    Facebook would be creepy. That means you're looking her up like a stalker would, which you already are. Next thing you know you're no longer seeing her at your favorite eatery. Then there is the...
  25. I kept scrolling down past the homo stuff hoping...

    I kept scrolling down past the homo stuff hoping you'd change your mind about not showing us your boobs. I'd wager they're nigh on perfect.
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