Thread: What would you do?

Thats heavy, If you love your wife and don't ever want to take the chance of cheating on her i woul djust blow your online friend off completly

You say you are happily married, if so you need to smarten up, you are playing a very dangerous game!
She also sounds like a complete bitch who gets off on headgames! (No I didn't mean those kind!!! )

If you are happily married and have no intentions of ever hooking up with this online chick, then kick her to the curb. Youre just torturing yourself.

That is like carrying a box of chocolates around. If you don't want to give in to temptation don't keep it in your face.

Get rid of the online girl. If you dont, youll fall in a moment of weakness. IMO, its not worth ruining a great relationship that I assume you have with your wife.

I say forget the bitch. You don't need that kind of shit in your life. The internet is a wasteland of illusion, and some of these women....

Stick to the real world.

Yeah, you've got the real deal at home. If you love your wife and are happily married, why jeopardize it for a piece of ass? Youre relationship is tried and true, who really knows what this girl is like in the long run. I mean, if I wanted to, I could come off as the niciest guy on the face of the earth...but I wouldnt be able to keep it up forever and eventually my true colours would come out.

These temptations are going to be around for the rest of your life and if youre one to succumb to these things easily, maybe married life isn't for you.

Make a decision and stick with it. It wouldn't be fair to nail this chick behind your wife's back, obviously.

GL man

Originally Posted by OceanDude

OK, I met this woman on line who wanted to "connect" with me. I won't get into specifics about what site etc. but we all had photos of ourselves and personal info about hobbies etc. She is married and I am married and there was some innocent flirting on line that was fun. After a lot of her teasing and because she lives close I finally agreed to meet her at a restaurant for lunch just to see if she was for real. I was extremely nervous and so was she but we were kind of like on line buddies. So we meet and have drinks to calm our nerves and hit it off very well. She was fun to be around. Immediately after lunch she says to take her someplace where she will show me that everything she was saying on line in her flirting sessions was for real. I tell her that I am happily married and I just was curious about her and do not want to put my marriage at risk and my wife is OK with "friends" but that's it. She says she is happily married and she has an understanding with her husband and she just wants to have sex with me with no other strings attached. Against all natural urging I refuse her and do not give her my phone number but she gives me hers and says "when you are man enough call me."

We continue to meet on line and chat and she sends me daily emails and says she wants to get together again and have sex as often as possible. I tell her no but one more time cave into another meeting where she gets in my car and starts touching and making it almost impossible to say no. But I again say it's time to go. Clearly there is chemistry with both of us but I don't want to go beyond the flirting stage.

So, she ups the ante. She goes off and meets a very young soccer player on line and meets up with him and has sex with him. She gets with me on chat and tells me all about it and says "see, I was willing to spread my legs for you and you walked away from it and I wanted it bad so I went out and found it". She further tells me "if you want to get any of me in the future you will have to now fight for me and earn it." She was pissed off at me for turning her down and wanted to get even and make me jealous.

I ended up telling her to go take a hike on the sex but really liked the friendship and openness and we are still fond of each other and stay in touch. She keeps sending me e-mail teasing me and taunting me to "come get some when I am man enough to handle it". She continues to tell me that because I am not there she now routinely sees this guy just for no-strings attached, non-relational, pure physical sexual satisfaction. But I know she is trying to get me jealous and taunts me by saying "you could have had this if you just took it so come and take it back, I'm waiting..."

So, what would you do in this situation?

OD

I think this woman has got some ISSUSES
I definetly wouldn't,if she is sending you daily emails and all and meeting up with guys just to bone,while she is married......in my opinion,this woman has got some problems and needs some help,I think deep down....she has no self worth.

I would have to agree with the Britchick...

This girl you met sounds like a total skank loser. Why would you be risking your marriage to begin with? If you think your marriage is going down hill, I would first seek every effort to save it before moving to such desperate measures to risk it...

Man You dissapoint me OD... I thought you were much wiser than this

Originally Posted by BritChick

You say you are happily married, if so you need to smarten up, you are playing a very dangerous game!
She also sounds like a complete bitch who gets off on headgames! (No I didn't mean those kind!!! )

Originally Posted by Randy

...Man You dissapoint me OD... I thought you were much wiser than this

Randy,
yeah me to. Must be a combination of hormones, curiosity and the need for adventure. I "know" better but my curiosity and sense of adventure are strong forces to deal with - not to mention that this woman is pretty good looking and is unlike any person I have ever met before and intriguing to talk to. We had started innocently enough and become friends before she started all the intimacy talk. For me that's a combination and sequence of events that is hard to ignore and walk away from. I think we all have weaknesses and under certain situations it can become like a trap that is almost impossible to break away from. The other problem I am dealing with is that I love a challenge and like to push myself to the limit in most anything I do. It's in my psyche to see how far I can step into this trap without caving in. The thing I was forgetting is that it's not just me that is at risk - it's my wife too since she is a big part of me. So now I got to step back on this.

OD

Originally Posted by OceanDude

So, what would you do in this situation?

Wouldn't offer a second meeting after the first ... did you wife know about the first meeting? The second?

Do you consider the second meeting cheating in any form?

ideally you never would have gone to met her but since you have....if you do value your marriage and family i'd stop all contact - online and off.

as for liking challenges (believe me, i can relate) you can use that to your advantage to remove yourself from the mess too. the online woman isn't really a challenge at this point - she's made it clear she wants to sleep with you. so the challenge would be in not getting caught. but that thrill wears off really fast while the damage done would probably be lasting.

convince yourself that the real challenge would be walking away at this point.

Originally Posted by nikegurl

as for liking challenges (believe me, i can relate) you can use that to your advantage to remove yourself from the mess too. the online woman isn't really a challenge at this point - she's made it clear she wants to sleep with you. so the challenge would be in not getting caught. but that thrill wears off really fast while the damage done would probably be lasting.

convince yourself that the real challenge would be walking away at this point.

NG that's precisely how i am dealing with this now and we think very similarly about how to self motivate. You are right, the bigger challenge for me now is to turn my back on an incredibly powerful temptation and once again take the path of maximum resistance and walk away from it poised and in control. Hopefully getting to this level of an emotional and physical "maximum" will make me much more wise and understanding of my personal capacities (frankly I am pleased and amazed that I had the strength to not cave in) and not compel me to push it to an even higher plateau and a breaking point in the future.

Thanks!
OD

Originally Posted by naturaltan

Wouldn't offer a second meeting after the first ... did you wife know about the first meeting? The second?

Do you consider the second meeting cheating in any form?

Yes and no. I intimated I was going to see a friend but I did not disclose the nature of the friendship. Yes, technically speaking it probably was cheating in my own book but I think I backed out of it OK before it was consummated to the point of irreconcilable regret and permanent damage.
OD

Originally Posted by Randy

Man You dissapoint me OD... I thought you were much wiser than this

Good job OD, my respect in you has now been restored

Like everyone has said here, temptations of meeting new women will always be there it is what makes us human. Acting on them though while happily married turns from a challenge to a terrible mistake that you will regret and will hover around in your mind much longer than the short pleasure you would have with this girl. As you say the real challenge is walking away... Nice decision OD

Now for me, just the fact that she flaunted this story about having sex with the soccer guy to you would have turned me off instantly... I surely, no matter how much I was attracted to her wouldn't have even considered having sex with her after that.

Originally Posted by BritChick

You say you are happily married, if so you need to smarten up, you are playing a very dangerous game!
She also sounds like a complete bitch who gets off on headgames! (No I didn't mean those kind!!! )

This pretty much sums up what I would have said, too.

Originally Posted by OceanDude

Yes and no. I intimated I was going to see a friend but I did not disclose the nature of the friendship. Yes, technically speaking it probably was cheating in my own book but I think I backed out of it OK before it was consummated to the point of irreconcilable regret and permanent damage.
OD

I don't know your wife, but I'm willing to bet she would be very upset about what you did.

Well, I obviously don't know this woman and the information I have to base my opinion of her is EXTREMELY limited. Having said that, and at the risk of being cliche, she's nothing but a two bit slut. Don't risk your marriage over something like that.












But you already knew that.

Originally Posted by ALBOB

she's nothing but a two bit slut. Don't risk your marriage over something like that. But you already knew that.

Nicely Said Albob

George Bush couldn't have said it better

with OD's infinite wisdom and genius intellect I am unsure why he even needs this advice.

OD, check out this website: www.drphil.com and his books.

I would actually question whether you truly are happy in you marriage. I think if you look deep down inside you might not find the answer you expected.

Hopefully your wife will not read this thread.

It is human to be tempted, it takes a real MAN to walk away and preserve the sanctity of marriage!!! My whole thought on the "cheating" thing is simple : How would you feel if your wife was doing what you are/almost did? I Always think about that if I am ever tempted. I try to make it a rule to never do anything behind my wifes back, that I would not do with her right beside me!!! Just my 2 cents. Good luck!!!

Originally Posted by greekblondechic

That is like carrying a box of chocolates around. If you don't want to give in to temptation don't keep it in your face.

Originally Posted by Archangel

It is human to be tempted, it takes a real MAN to walk away and preserve the sanctity of marriage!!! My whole thought on the "cheating" thing is simple : How would you feel if your wife was doing what you are/almost did? I Always think about that if I am ever tempted. I try to make it a rule to never do anything behind my wifes back, that I would not do with her right beside me!!! Just my 2 cents. Good luck!!!

I remember seeing that on a talk show, I think Dr. Phil, he said to the guy "if your wife were looking over your shoulder would you have felt comfortable typing that email to her"? Basically this guy was saying that what he was doing online was not cheating, it was innocent emails, etc., after he was asked that question he gained a new perspective on things.