Funny sex stories...Post here

Flex · 12-09-2004, 05:16 PM

I just finished college, so i have a million, although many are kinda hazy since i'm a rockstar and spent many-a-nights blacked out.

Anyhow, what are your funny sex stories? or ones that you've heard?

we're talking TRUE ones people, not ones you made up.

This should be iiiiiiiiiiiinteresting.

Flex · 12-09-2004, 05:24 PM

Where to start?

I have over a million, since my buddies were the biggest scumbags alive, but they'll come to me slowly.

I'll start with this one....

My boy finally had sex with this chick he liked who lived next door. As their lying in bed, she asks "since we're probably gonna be sleeping together, i'd like to know how many girls you've been with".

Obviously my buddy is feelign awkward as hell, so he's like "uhhhh, not sure." She asks "over ten?" He says "yes". She asks "over twenty?". He says "yes". She is now starting to get real weirded out and asks, "over thirty?" He says "well, i've been to Cancun". She gets outta bed without saying a word, puts her clothes on, and doesn't talk to him again hahaha.

Flex · 12-09-2004, 05:26 PM

Not that funny?

well, there's more.

So my buddy is derailing this other chick in the living room of his college apartment. He has her bent over and doing her doggystyle, when 3 heads poke in through the wall of his living room. (they broke a huge whole in the wall while partying, and covered it with a poster. aparently he didn't know, and wouldn't you know it, the girl from the above story is one of the chicks who peeks in)

da jock · 12-09-2004, 11:18 PM

1. Me & my wife had sex sort of standing doggie sex in our claw-foot bathtub /shower last summer. We kept slipping and sliding, when she came her legs sort of gave out and she banged her knees up, when I came I pumped too hard and lost my balance & smacked her head against the wall & bruised my elbow! We should of just jumped into bed.

2. (5 years ago or so) When we were dating we were banging doggie (again) on her couch. I had one leg on the floor & one bent on the couch arm, she had one leg on the flloor & one arm on the coffee table. When we started cumming her arm slipped off the table & she tumbled forward I fell backward. So she was groaning/laughing finishing her self off on the floor & I had shot cum everywhere & banged my head on the floor! We had to clean up before her roomies came back! We laughed hysterically!

3. Just a funny thing. when I was like 13? I jacked off with vaseline, it of course felt awesome! But, it took literally like a week to get my package totally clean again,that stuff never comes off! I was afraid somehow someone would find out my dirty secret!!

**Mudge** · 12-10-2004, 08:06 AM

One of my favorites was a guy talking about slipping in the shower while trying to have sex and falling through a glass door.

**Mudge** · 12-10-2004, 08:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flex

He says "well, i've been to Cancun".

"...and I took the town, they never knew what..... screwed em..."

448448 · 12-10-2004, 08:16 AM

I have these two friends(a couple) they went to cancun, and had a few threesomes. they have had hiv for a few years.

MaxMirkin · 12-10-2004, 09:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 448448

I have these two friends(a couple) they went to cancun, and had a few threesomes. they have had hiv for a few years.

Damn, that is hilarious!!!

ponyboy · 12-10-2004, 10:35 AM

When I was in school I lived in a frat house on the same floor as a guy that was kind of a freak - he always had these weird goth chicks in and out all the time. One day as I'm walking to the bathroom I hear a voice calling out from his room. I knock on the door and hear a girl's voice quietly asking for help. Opening the door, there is a girl handcuffed to this guys' bed naked - he had gone to class and left her there sleeping chained up! She couldn't reach the key!

Funny thing was she wasn't pissed about being left there. She just needed to go to the bathroom. She was pretty hot too. Freaking weirdos.

Goodfella9783 · 12-10-2004, 10:44 AM

I went to the movies with a buddy and his girlfriend to see the movie "Phone Booth." In the middle of the movie he gets the idea he wants to bang his girl right there in the seat next to me. So he asks my permission first (what a nice guy), and of course I'm not gonna cock block. So he and his girl then go at it in the seat next to me in a half full theater. Don't ask me how they didnt get caught.

ALBOB · 12-10-2004, 05:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ponyboy

When I was in school I lived in a frat house on the same floor as a guy that was kind of a freak - he always had these weird goth chicks in and out all the time. One day as I'm walking to the bathroom I hear a voice calling out from his room. I knock on the door and hear a girl's voice quietly asking for help. Opening the door, there is a girl handcuffed to this guys' bed naked - he had gone to class and left her there sleeping chained up! She couldn't reach the key!

Funny thing was she wasn't pissed about being left there. She just needed to go to the bathroom. She was pretty hot too. Freaking weirdos.

Come on, you didn't blackmail her? "Sure bitch, I'll unlock the cuffs......................for a price." And don't even try to tell me she was too ugly. You were school age and she had a heartbeat. (At that age, if it's been too long, even the heartbeat isn't mandatory.

)

da jock · 12-12-2004, 02:34 PM

As far as things I've seen (I wasn't the one having sex); I was a DJ @ college and was spinning @my best friends frat mixer (for free to meet girls & drink!). Around 4am I was wrapping things up & I noticed a Frat pledge was sitting over in a dark corner on a spent keg with a girl on his lap, figured they were prolly making out/what ever no big deal. A few minutes later they really started thrashing around and I noticed they were actually f**king. Somewhere in somebodies trunk there's a picture of him giving a thumbs up about a minute after busting with her still on his lap & his pants around his knees! Booze & hormones! What a mix!

Carpe Diem · 12-13-2004, 03:21 PM

I used to date this girl that liked to go to parties at peoples houses and have butt sex in thier bedrooms. One night we had snuck into someones bedroom for the usual when she only had a little Ky jelly left in her tube. It wasn't going well so I looked for somethig that might take the place of the KY.

I saw this big container of clear looking gel setting on the counter so I grabbed a handful of it. It worked fine for a couple of seconds then she started squirming and then finally going crazy.

The stuff I had used was hairgel and it had Alcohol in it as a drying agent.

We left right away and when we got to her apartment I went into the other bedroom to wash the stuff off my dick. My package had dried to my underwear and I had to tear it off like a big bandage.

ALBOB · 12-13-2004, 03:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carpe Diem

My package had dried to my underwear and I had to tear it off like a big bandage.

Ummm..........what to say?...........ahhhhhhh..............what to say?...........errrrrrrr..............what to say?..................hmmmmmmm.................... .....FUCKING OUCH!!!

ponyboy · 12-13-2004, 06:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ALBOB

Come on, you didn't blackmail her? "Sure bitch, I'll unlock the cuffs......................for a price." And don't even try to tell me she was too ugly. You were school age and she had a heartbeat. (At that age, if it's been too long, even the heartbeat isn't mandatory.

)

I think I was too weirded out and kind of disturbed. Tends to be a turnoff. Her "boyfriend" also probably had every STD known to man and I wasn't going near anything he touched with a ten foot pole. Plus I tend to not be into raping defenseless women. I think they are all good reasons.

Vieope · 12-13-2004, 06:47 PM

Hot goth handcuffed naked women on bed and you did what pony?
You should have seduced her. Btw she was completely naked or she was under a sheet?

JLB001 · 12-13-2004, 07:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carpe Diem

I used to date this girl that liked to go to parties at peoples houses and have butt sex in thier bedrooms. One night we had snuck into someones bedroom for the usual when she only had a little Ky jelly left in her tube. It wasn't going well so I looked for somethig that might take the place of the KY.

I saw this big container of clear looking gel setting on the counter so I grabbed a handful of it. It worked fine for a couple of seconds then she started squirming and then finally going crazy.

The stuff I had used was hairgel and it had Alcohol in it as a drying agent.

We left right away and when we got to her apartment I went into the other bedroom to wash the stuff off my dick. My package had dried to my underwear and I had to tear it off like a big bandage.

UrinalCakeEater · 06-25-2008, 11:04 PM

just the other night i was with my boyfriend. i think we all know where this ones headed. oops

so, where was I? i invited my boyfriend over for some candle lit dinner and a raunchy dick session. and let me tell you, we were in for a surprise. we started with dinner and a bubble bath. then we turned on some music (the new nickleback)

needless to say, that led to some finger banging. he got me off once or twice just doing that. oh man! then we headed to the mall. i needed a comforter on my new bed. so we went to jc pennys. we were looking at the sheets when we saw a display bed. and right at that moment the new nickleback came on the loud speaker. the song was "photograph". no joke. my dick started to tingle a little bit. we ran hand in hand and jumped on the bed. we got in another fingerbang session that led to duel man explosions all over the place. boy, was it hot? me oh my.

the next day i missed my period. and now we are both 7 months pregnant

tallcall · 07-05-2008, 06:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UrinalCakeEater

just the other night i was with my boyfriend. i think we all know where this ones headed. oops

so, where was I? i invited my boyfriend over for some candle lit dinner and a raunchy dick session. and let me tell you, we were in for a surprise. we started with dinner and a bubble bath. then we turned on some music (the new nickleback)

needless to say, that led to some finger banging. he got me off once or twice just doing that. oh man! then we headed to the mall. i needed a comforter on my new bed. so we went to jc pennys. we were looking at the sheets when we saw a display bed. and right at that moment the new nickleback came on the loud speaker. the song was "photograph". no joke. my dick started to tingle a little bit. we ran hand in hand and jumped on the bed. we got in another fingerbang session that led to duel man explosions all over the place. boy, was it hot? me oh my.

the next day i missed my period. and now we are both 7 months pregnant

Stop teasing me!!!

Smooth=1 · 07-14-2008, 05:25 AM

hahaha, some of the post are hilarious...

Akon84 · 07-19-2008, 01:18 PM

some good stories here lol

ReproMan · 07-19-2008, 01:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UrinalCakeEater

just the other night i was with my boyfriend. i think we all know where this ones headed. oops

so, where was I? i invited my boyfriend over for some candle lit dinner and a raunchy dick session. and let me tell you, we were in for a surprise. we started with dinner and a bubble bath. then we turned on some music (the new nickleback)

needless to say, that led to some finger banging. he got me off once or twice just doing that. oh man! then we headed to the mall. i needed a comforter on my new bed. so we went to jc pennys. we were looking at the sheets when we saw a display bed. and right at that moment the new nickleback came on the loud speaker. the song was "photograph". no joke. my dick started to tingle a little bit. we ran hand in hand and jumped on the bed. we got in another fingerbang session that led to duel man explosions all over the place. boy, was it hot? me oh my.

the next day i missed my period. and now we are both 7 months pregnant

Band name.

HornyChick · 05-25-2009, 03:34 AM

1.Was fucking my boyfriend in the ass in his apartment. Then his mom walked in. She joined in.
I was so fuckin' happy that i didnt care and he didn't even notice. When we were finished he and his mom started doin it. I got freaked out and left.
2.New boyfriend. First date. Where in a restaurant and he was freakin' hot. He left for the bathroom and i followed him in. He started doing it doggy style in the mens room. What we didnt no was that the mens room was right next to the kitchen. LMAO.
3. My previous bf's story. Was woken up by someone stroking his dick. It was his 12 year old sister. He through her out of his room and went back to sleep. When he woke up she was riding him.

gordon37 · 05-25-2009, 10:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flex

Where to start?

I have over a million, since my buddies were the biggest scumbags alive, but they'll come to me slowly.

I'll start with this one....

My boy finally had sex with this chick he liked who lived next door. As their lying in bed, she asks "since we're probably gonna be sleeping together, i'd like to know how many girls you've been with".

Obviously my buddy is feelign awkward as hell, so he's like "uhhhh, not sure." She asks "over ten?" He says "yes". She asks "over twenty?". He says "yes". She is now starting to get real weirded out and asks, "over thirty?" He says "well, i've been to Cancun". She gets outta bed without saying a word, puts her clothes on, and doesn't talk to him again hahaha.

I'm still waiting for the punchline that was a horror

story

Uba · 05-25-2009, 02:59 PM

Hornychick, those are some scary stories. Thats all i have to say about that.

Moondogg · 05-25-2009, 06:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uba

Hornychick, those are some scary stories. Thats all i have to say about that.

She's a troll.

**Gazhole** · 05-26-2009, 02:06 PM

Once i was fucking this guy in the ass and he turned around and kissed me.

What a fag.

Moondogg · 05-26-2009, 04:24 PM

^^I lol'd

T_man · 05-26-2009, 04:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gazhole

Once i was fucking this guy in the ass and he turned around and kissed me.

What a fag.

Eww?? he kissed u???

U shuda fucked him up

12-09-2004, 05:16 PM	#1
Flex FLEXecutioner Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Pomping Iyuhn Posts: 6,278 Photos: 2	Funny sex stories...Post here I just finished college, so i have a million, although many are kinda hazy since i'm a rockstar and spent many-a-nights blacked out. Anyhow, what are your funny sex stories? or ones that you've heard? we're talking TRUE ones people, not ones you made up. This should be iiiiiiiiiiiinteresting. You're a funny guy, Sully, I like you. Dat's why I'm going to kill you lahst. * Got juice?Need Motivation?How to Train* Arnold vs. Ronnie vs. Haney vs. Sergio YEAH BUDDY...LIGHT WEIGHT!Ahhnold*

12-09-2004, 05:24 PM	#2
Flex FLEXecutioner Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Pomping Iyuhn Posts: 6,278 Photos: 2	Where to start? I have over a million, since my buddies were the biggest scumbags alive, but they'll come to me slowly. I'll start with this one.... My boy finally had sex with this chick he liked who lived next door. As their lying in bed, she asks "since we're probably gonna be sleeping together, i'd like to know how many girls you've been with". Obviously my buddy is feelign awkward as hell, so he's like "uhhhh, not sure." She asks "over ten?" He says "yes". She asks "over twenty?". He says "yes". She is now starting to get real weirded out and asks, "over thirty?" He says "well, i've been to Cancun". She gets outta bed without saying a word, puts her clothes on, and doesn't talk to him again hahaha. You're a funny guy, Sully, I like you. Dat's why I'm going to kill you lahst. * Got juice?Need Motivation?How to Train* Arnold vs. Ronnie vs. Haney vs. Sergio YEAH BUDDY...LIGHT WEIGHT!Ahhnold*

12-09-2004, 05:26 PM	#3
Flex FLEXecutioner Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Pomping Iyuhn Posts: 6,278 Photos: 2	Not that funny? well, there's more. So my buddy is derailing this other chick in the living room of his college apartment. He has her bent over and doing her doggystyle, when 3 heads poke in through the wall of his living room. (they broke a huge whole in the wall while partying, and covered it with a poster. aparently he didn't know, and wouldn't you know it, the girl from the above story is one of the chicks who peeks in) You're a funny guy, Sully, I like you. Dat's why I'm going to kill you lahst. * Got juice?Need Motivation?How to Train* Arnold vs. Ronnie vs. Haney vs. Sergio YEAH BUDDY...LIGHT WEIGHT!Ahhnold*

12-10-2004, 08:06 AM	#5
Mudge Dieting I swear! Super Moderator Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Here Posts: 23,360 Photos: 1	One of my favorites was a guy talking about slipping in the shower while trying to have sex and falling through a glass door. Kinesiology Vote @ Top 25 Deads Comp Bench Motivation Bench form MaxCalc Charles Poliquin When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. Lao-Tzu I don't know any sources so don't ask - thanks

12-10-2004, 10:35 AM	#9
ponyboy Training Trainer Elite Member Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Running around somewhere Posts: 2,608 Photos: 1	When I was in school I lived in a frat house on the same floor as a guy that was kind of a freak - he always had these weird goth chicks in and out all the time. One day as I'm walking to the bathroom I hear a voice calling out from his room. I knock on the door and hear a girl's voice quietly asking for help. Opening the door, there is a girl handcuffed to this guys' bed naked - he had gone to class and left her there sleeping chained up! She couldn't reach the key! Funny thing was she wasn't pissed about being left there. She just needed to go to the bathroom. She was pretty hot too. Freaking weirdos. Today I can do what others will not so that tomorrow I will do what others cannot. The difference between winners and losers is that winners do things that losers don't want to do.

12-09-2004, 11:18 PM	#4
da jock Registered User Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: NY State Posts: 250 Photos: 7	1. Me & my wife had sex sort of standing doggie sex in our claw-foot bathtub /shower last summer. We kept slipping and sliding, when she came her legs sort of gave out and she banged her knees up, when I came I pumped too hard and lost my balance & smacked her head against the wall & bruised my elbow! We should of just jumped into bed. 2. (5 years ago or so) When we were dating we were banging doggie (again) on her couch. I had one leg on the floor & one bent on the couch arm, she had one leg on the flloor & one arm on the coffee table. When we started cumming her arm slipped off the table & she tumbled forward I fell backward. So she was groaning/laughing finishing her self off on the floor & I had shot cum everywhere & banged my head on the floor! We had to clean up before her roomies came back! We laughed hysterically! 3. Just a funny thing. when I was like 13? I jacked off with vaseline, it of course felt awesome! But, it took literally like a week to get my package totally clean again,that stuff never comes off! I was afraid somehow someone would find out my dirty secret!!

12-10-2004, 08:16 AM	#7
448448 Registered User Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: americus , georgia Posts: 4	I have these two friends(a couple) they went to cancun, and had a few threesomes. they have had hiv for a few years.

12-10-2004, 10:44 AM	#10
Goodfella9783 Registered User Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 4,226	I went to the movies with a buddy and his girlfriend to see the movie "Phone Booth." In the middle of the movie he gets the idea he wants to bang his girl right there in the seat next to me. So he asks my permission first (what a nice guy), and of course I'm not gonna cock block. So he and his girl then go at it in the seat next to me in a half full theater. Don't ask me how they didnt get caught.

12-12-2004, 02:34 PM	#12
da jock Registered User Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: NY State Posts: 250 Photos: 7	As far as things I've seen (I wasn't the one having sex); I was a DJ @ college and was spinning @my best friends frat mixer (for free to meet girls & drink!). Around 4am I was wrapping things up & I noticed a Frat pledge was sitting over in a dark corner on a spent keg with a girl on his lap, figured they were prolly making out/what ever no big deal. A few minutes later they really started thrashing around and I noticed they were actually f**king. Somewhere in somebodies trunk there's a picture of him giving a thumbs up about a minute after busting with her still on his lap & his pants around his knees! Booze & hormones! What a mix!

12-13-2004, 03:21 PM	#13
Carpe Diem Registered User Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 27	I used to date this girl that liked to go to parties at peoples houses and have butt sex in thier bedrooms. One night we had snuck into someones bedroom for the usual when she only had a little Ky jelly left in her tube. It wasn't going well so I looked for somethig that might take the place of the KY. I saw this big container of clear looking gel setting on the counter so I grabbed a handful of it. It worked fine for a couple of seconds then she started squirming and then finally going crazy. The stuff I had used was hairgel and it had Alcohol in it as a drying agent. We left right away and when we got to her apartment I went into the other bedroom to wash the stuff off my dick. My package had dried to my underwear and I had to tear it off like a big bandage.

12-13-2004, 06:47 PM	#16
Vieope Monochromatic Bunny Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: drinking coffee.. Posts: 14,951 Photos: 10	Hot goth handcuffed naked women on bed and you did what pony? You should have seduced her. Btw she was completely naked or she was under a sheet?

06-25-2008, 11:04 PM	#18
UrinalCakeEater Registered User Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: ames Posts: 3	funny sex story just the other night i was with my boyfriend. i think we all know where this ones headed. oops so, where was I? i invited my boyfriend over for some candle lit dinner and a raunchy dick session. and let me tell you, we were in for a surprise. we started with dinner and a bubble bath. then we turned on some music (the new nickleback) needless to say, that led to some finger banging. he got me off once or twice just doing that. oh man! then we headed to the mall. i needed a comforter on my new bed. so we went to jc pennys. we were looking at the sheets when we saw a display bed. and right at that moment the new nickleback came on the loud speaker. the song was "photograph". no joke. my dick started to tingle a little bit. we ran hand in hand and jumped on the bed. we got in another fingerbang session that led to duel man explosions all over the place. boy, was it hot? me oh my. the next day i missed my period. and now we are both 7 months pregnant

07-14-2008, 05:25 AM	#20
Smooth=1 Registered User Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: USA Posts: 3	hahaha, some of the post are hilarious... Camera Deals l Power Tools Mall

07-19-2008, 01:18 PM	#21
Akon84 ZoomZoom Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: New York Posts: 22	some good stories here lol

05-25-2009, 03:34 AM	#23
HornyChick Registered User Join Date: May 2009 Location: in your bedroom Posts: 1	Fuckin Funny 1.Was fucking my boyfriend in the ass in his apartment. Then his mom walked in. She joined in. I was so fuckin' happy that i didnt care and he didn't even notice. When we were finished he and his mom started doin it. I got freaked out and left. 2.New boyfriend. First date. Where in a restaurant and he was freakin' hot. He left for the bathroom and i followed him in. He started doing it doggy style in the mens room. What we didnt no was that the mens room was right next to the kitchen. LMAO. 3. My previous bf's story. Was woken up by someone stroking his dick. It was his 12 year old sister. He through her out of his room and went back to sleep. When he woke up she was riding him.

05-25-2009, 02:59 PM	#25
Uba Numero #1 Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Southern California Posts: 65	Hornychick, those are some scary stories. Thats all i have to say about that.

05-26-2009, 02:06 PM	#27
Gazhole iwillmakeyousmelltheglove Moderator Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Wales, UK Posts: 7,457 Photos: 19	Once i was fucking this guy in the ass and he turned around and kissed me. What a fag. http://sdatrainingprograms.blogspot.com - Updated 16/05/09 ***READ THIS FOR TRAINING INFO:*** http://www.ironmagazineforums.com/training/99879-articles-ironmagazineforums-members.html "Do i not like that? No, i do not not like that, i LIKE that!"

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