Thread: Ladies, who used a cucumber to get themselves off before?

That's a sin! -

Originally Posted by Shae

Before you flame me, this is how I got to this question.

I just say its sort of weard in my opinion.

Why would you post this when the thought of it makes you ??

refer back to thread..How big is too big for a dildo?

ost???

Originally Posted by ForemanRules

ost???

Shut up

Originally Posted by wetnwild

Shut up

You better be a chick

Originally Posted by wetnwild

Why would you post this when the thought of it makes you ??

refer back to thread..How big is too big for a dildo?

Because she's really interested.

Originally Posted by Platinum

You better be a chick

She's all woman....trust me I know these things.

. The average cucumber is at least six inches long.
2. Cucumbers stay hard for a week.
3. A cucumber won't tell you that size doesn't count.
4. Cucumbers never get too excited.
5. You can fondle cucumbers in a supermarket - and you know how firm it is before you take it home.
6. A cucumber will always respect you in the morning.
7. You can go to a movie with a cucumber - and see the movie.
8. At a drive - in you can stay in the front seat - a cucumber can always wait until you get home.
9. A cucumber won't ask "Am I the first".
10. A cucumber won't tell other cucumbers that you're not a virgin anymore.
11. A cucumber doesn't care if you were ever a virgin.
12. Cucumbers won't make you wear kinky clothes or go to bed with your boots on.
13. You can have as many cucumbers as you want.
14. You can eat cucumbers when you feel like it.
15. Cucumbers aren't jealous of your gynaecologist, ski instructor or hairdresser.
16. Cucumbers aren't into meaningful discussions.
17. A cucumber will never make a scene because there are other cucumbers in the fridge.
18. No matter how old you are, you can always get a fresh cucumber.
19. A cucumber won't care what time of month it is.
20. With a cucumber, you never have to say sorry.
21. Cucumbers don't leave whisker burns, fall asleep on your chest or drool on the pillow.
22. Cucumbers can stay up all night - and you won't have to sleep in the wet spot
23. Cucumbers don't leave you wondering for a month.
24. Cucumbers never answer the phone or borrow the car.
25. A cucumber won't eat all you'll food or drink all you'll alcohol.
26. Cucumbers don't leave dirty shorts on the floor.
27. With a cucumber, the toilet seat is always as you left it.
28. A cucumber will never leave you for :-
a) another woman. b) another man. c) another cucumber.
29. You always know where your cucumber has been.
30. You won't find out later that your cucumber :-
a) is married. b) is on penicillin. c) likes you but loves your brother.
31. You don't have to wait till half time to talk to your cucumber.
32. Cucumbers never expect you to have little cucumbers.
33. It's easy to drop a cucumber.
34. A cucumber will never eat crackers in bed.
35. Cucumbers don't leave a funny taste in your mouth.
36. A cucumber doesn't come home drunk after a night out with the cucumbers.
37. There is never any threat of your cucumber being homosexual.
38. Cucumbers don't steal all the covers, and will stay with you until morning.
39. No matter how you slice it, you can have your cake and eat it too.
40. A cucumber doesn't play rugby.
41. With a cucumber YOU can choose the ribbed or smooth variety.
42. Cucumber doesn't ask you to get the tissues when you're done.
43. You don't need use prophylactic with a cucumber.
44. A cucumber doesn't take your car apart and leave beer cans all over the yard.
45. A cucumber won't lie to you and say it's not going to cum in your mouth.....
46. Its actually ok if this one is green and slimy.
47. By the time IT goes soft, you don't care anymore.
48. A cucumber can be DIPPED, many different ways.
49. This vegetable doesn't have a wheelchair.
50. When you discover its too small, your not in a pickle.
51. You can spit out the small seeds and it won't complain you didn't swallow.
52. A cucumber won't enter any opening you don't want it to enter.
53. You never have to explain to a cucumber why its not the right time to have sex.
54. If one's not enough to satisfy there's always another.
55. A cucumber is never limp
56. A cucumber won`t fart in bed
57. You never have to explain to a cucumber why its not the right time to have sex.
58. they can find the clit
59. Cucumber wont give you a one eye stare and spit you in the face
60. You can leave home without it and get a replacement over the next town when needs arise.
61. A cucumber will not ignore you when you bitch
62. A cucumber never wants you to cook diner.
63. even when you're hot, a cucumber stays coooooool
64. Cucumbers are more intelligent.
65. A cucumber can last for hours, not minutes.
66. You dont grudge loaning it to your friends
67. Cucumbers are supposed to be green.
68. Cucumbers dont HAVE to have a porno mag.
69. Cucumbers wont think you wont notice if he tries to slip into your back passage.
When confronted, won't say,"oh, did I? I didn't realise!"
70. A cucumber won't ask to borrow money and never return it!
71. Cucumbers don't get into a pickle without becoming a pickle!
72. Cucumbers never take precedence, they're simply 'cu' -ing.
73. A cucumber NEVER says "I AM TIRED".Get off of me.
74. A cucumber won't roll over and start snoring immediately after sex.
75. With a cucumber you can choose one with or without seeds.
76. A cucumber will never tell you his mother taught him all he knows.
77. A cucumber doesn't care if it's on top or bottom.
78. A cucumber will never say 'Did I mention my sex change operation?'
79. Cucumbers do not need Viagra.
80. Cucumbers don't wilt they go the coarse.
81. Cucumbers don't behave like dicks.
82. Cucumbers are happy to get brown noses
83. A Cucumber can screw two (wo)men at once
84. With a cucumber you don't have to fight for the remote control to the television.
85. With a cucumber they never ask how many guys you've fucked!!!!
86. with cucumbers u dont have to fight over who gets the surfboard first
87. ....and with a cucumber u dont have to fight over who gets the pussy first
88. You don't have to fake it with a cucumber.
89. You can go green with a cucumber. Use it then when you are hungry after that, eat it.
90. a cucumber dosen't have eyes to wander after other women.
91. Cucumbers can't mow the yard or don't care if there is a football game on TV.
92. a cucumber will never leave you hangin'
93. Cucumber's never lie to you.
94. Oooh Cucumber, mmmmmm, nice.
Who needs a man when there are so many cucumbers?
95. A cucumber doesn't make THAT much mess
96. you don't have to make excuses to a cucumber when you are not in the mood
97. A cucumber waits patiently and doesn't moan.
98. A cucumber will never pass out on you when its had too much to drink.
99. You can put the cucumber on your desk in your workplace, and no one will think it is inappropriate.
100. A hollow cuke is better than a hollow friend
101. A cucumber wont jilt you at the alter
102. A cucumber doesn't have legs to go after someone else.
103. Cucumbers don't need batteries
104. You can buy half a cucumber, and it's still enough
105. Freud stated that somtetimes a cigar is just a cigar whereas Ms. Lewinski stated that sometimes a cucumber is just a replacement for the President.
106. A cucumber won't tell you that you need to go back to the gym.
107. Doesn't need to use the TV remote..
108. Cucumbers come thin at one end and REALLY thick at the other.
109. A cucumber never says NO
111. Cucumbers can go until YOUR done.
112. You can cut it in half and take both ends at once
113. A cucumber wont tell you it loves you and then go and screw your friend.
114. Cucumbers have more brain cells
115. Cucumbers don't argue
116. A cucumber won't tell his mates how good or bad you were..
117. Cucumbers aren't attached to 160 pounds of flesh.
118. Cucumbers are very portable
119. A Cucumber doesn't shrink in size when cold
120. A cucumber has 2 ends
121. You don't have to reasure a cucumber that they're the best you've ever had!
122. cucumbers are cool!
123. you can rip the skin off a cucumber with your overbight and it won't complain
124. Cucumber seeds don't get you pregnant
125. A cucumber doesn't whimper when you cut it down to size.
126. a cucumber won't give you excuses of why he's sooo late
127. a cucumber won't give you excuses of why he can't help clean the house
128. Cucumbers are MEANT to be thick !
129. A cucumber wont try to blame the cold when it starts to shrivle
130. Cucumbers taste nice when swallowed
131. One for the men: a hollowed-out cucumber gives the best blow job in town!
132. A cucumber does`nt have to listen to a woman going on and on and on...
133. If cucumbers could carry out the garbage women wouldn't need men.
134. A cucumber doesn't think it's sexier than you.
135. A cucumber doesn't have stubble.
136. a cucumber won't ask if u will ever sleep with anyone else ever again.
137. A cucumber doesn't complain that you spend 2 much time on-line.
138. a cucumber will wait for you patiently outside in the car without exhausting the horn.
139. When cucumber goes limp you are allowed to just throw it away & forget all about it.
140. you don't have to fight a cucumber for the mirror
141. A cucumber can be carried discretely in your handbag.
142. Cucumbers don't shag other women
143. Cucumbers don't eat all your chocolates
144. cucumbers do not snore.
145. A cucumber never asks if u really need a guy instead of her!!! Grrr
146. A cucumber wouldn't add comments No's 131 & 132 ffs!!! pms
147. Cucumbers are cheap to replace
148. With a cucumber u can bite as hard as u damn well like !
149. You can have an end each if u cut it in half
150. You can trim it to any shape u want !!
151. Cucumbers don't say I got to go play game wit'me' boy's.
152. Cucumbers will never embarss you by being brighter than you
153. Some cucumbers are ribbed for 'Her pleasure'
154. a cucumber wont say, 'I see you bleach your hair then'
155. cucumbers dont collect 'nasty stuff' under the skin
156. you could have a new cucumber every day and nobody would call you a slut
157. if it does piss you off you can give it a 'BOBBIT' without criminal charges!
158. if it doesn't think and act like a man it won't piss you off
159. a cucumber doesn't say 'let's eat out, I cant face any more of your cooking.
160. you can de-PRICKify a cucumber
161. with cucumbers u never have to worry bout getting any disease
162. 69 Something that a cucumber can do anytime without you having to be a contortionist.
163. Cucumbers don't want/expect "deep throating".
163. Cucumbers don't care if you are having/wanting an affair.
164. You don't have to hide a cucumber in the lingerie draw.
165. A cucumber will never contest a divorce, demand a property settlement, or seek custody of anything.
166. Cucumbers are always hard.
167. you dont have to be embarrassed about someone finding it
168. A cucumber won't brag that it's a marrow and then really be a dill pickle.
169. A cucumber won't ask "How was it for you".
170. A cucumber won't smoke after sex. Even if you do!!!
171. A cucumber will never ask if it was good for you too.
172. you have no fear of getting AIDS using cucumber
173. You need not wear your diapragm using cucumber
174. A cumcumber is no hurry and can take it slow and easy
175. A cucumber is by far, much smaller than my cock. [Ed. Buy bigger Cucumbers then]
176. A cucumber doesn't have sharp toenails.
177. A cucumber won't accept a transfer to another city when you've just been promoted.
178. A cucumber always feels better
179. There's no marriage penalty taxes on cucumbers.
180. A cucumber will never give itself funny little names and expect you to call it by them.
181. A cucumber doesn't care if you call him Mr. Happy or not.
182. There's no marriage penalty taxes on cucumbers.
183. A cucumber doesn't play acoustic guitar and try to "find itself."

Those are true Min0, but...
1.) The average woman is psycho

2.) Women will still become emotionally attached to the cucumber

3.) Women will still nag the cucumber day and night

4.) Women will still try to get the cucumber to say it loves her

5.) Women will still say the cucumber isn't "emotionally open" with her

6.) Women will still expect the cucumber to read her mind about what she's thinking

7.) Women will still withold sex from the cucumber when she doesn't get her way

8.) Women will still bitch to her friends about the cucumber

9.) Women will still say the cucumber "is only in it for the sex"

10.) Women will still say "You were different when I first met you, do you still have feelings for me?"

11.) Women will still ask the cucumber if she looks fat

12.) Women will still tell the cucumber when she's having "a heavy flow day"

13.) Women will still get old and gravity will take effect

14.) Women will still ask "Why don't you like kissing me down there?"

15.) Women will still say no to threesomes.

16.) Women will still claim they don't masturbate

17.) Women will still complain about how it tastes

18.) Women will still drain the cucumbers wallet

19.) Women will still say "can you just hold me tonight?"

20.) Women will still make the cucumber wait until "she's emotionally ready"

21.) Women will still have the crazy notion that the cucumber's private porno mag collection is a form of cheating.

22.) Women will still fail to realize that it's all their fault



...and the cucumbers will still jerk it to Jenna Jameson

Good list.

and jsut out of curiosity, did you throw the cucumber away afterwards? Or did you po folks wash it and serve it

Originally Posted by goandykid

and jsut out of curiosity, did you throw the cucumber away afterwards? Or did you po folks wash it and serve it

Why, did your mom put cucumbers in the salad last night?

I dont think cucumber is a good idea, it may break inside during climax. Needless to say, the pieces left in there might generate an infection. Dont forget that most insecticides can leave strong chemicals in the skin of the cucumber.

But if you really need to use a cucumber because you have some weird fetish on green men from Mars or crocodile sex. Use a condom.

min0-

Believe it or not, there are actually some good men out there. I like to call myself one, and so do most of my ladyfriends (not GIRLfriends, if you catch my drift). A nice guy will wait until you approach him about sex. Just wait for that guy, or wait for the guy who doesn't try to fuck you on the first night he knows you, but instead just wants to watch a movie and cuddle.

Oh, and not all "good guys" are gay. They're not always super good-looking either, so don't depend on it.

Originally Posted by Hockeyman105

min0-

Believe it or not, there are actually some good men out there. I like to call myself one, and so do most of my ladyfriends (not GIRLfriends, if you catch my drift). A nice guy will wait until you approach him about sex. Just wait for that guy, or wait for the guy who doesn't try to fuck you on the first night he knows you, but instead just wants to watch a movie and cuddle.

Oh, and not all "good guys" are gay. They're not always super good-looking either, so don't depend on it.

Shit where did you come from. I'm going to approach them and try to get laid ASAP. Maybe you like waiting and find beating off great, but I prefer the real deal.

Originally Posted by Shae

Before you flame me, this is how I got to this question.

I just say its sort of weard in my opinion.

It was the Popeye porn wasn't it?...

Sick!

No cucumber for my beautiful wife. But when she's laying out nude by our pool and bring out my baseball bat - watch out!

Originally Posted by Blackhorse

No cucumber for my beautiful wife. But when she's laying out nude by our pool and bring out my baseball bat - watch out!

you know there's surgery available to tighten up cavernous vaginas now. maybe they could even do it while she's laying out by your pool.

Originally Posted by Blackhorse

No cucumber for my beautiful wife. But when she's laying out nude by our pool and bring out my baseball bat - watch out!

She likes the ultra knobby gourds huh?
Have you ever tried to see how many baseballs fit in there at one time? How about softballs?

Actually, while Ive never attempted it, a peeled cucumber is a great natural vaginal cleanser... Said to be much more fun than a vaginal douche, the peeled cucumber however goes ''numb'' and mushy after a short while, so not recommended for sex!

My ex used squash to do herself. Was quite something to watch

Originally Posted by petphotos

My ex used squash to do herself. Was quite something to watch

If she cooked it up and ate it afterward that would have been hot.

You know she does...

Na, they have those fucking spiney things on em. I usually don't have trouble finding a real dick. Only a phone call away and you don't have to buy it. I can't afford 2 for $1 these days.

I love to eat the cucmber after my GF has had it.