The Top 10 Sex Mistakes Women Make

wint · 06-11-2008, 01:56 PM

The Top 10 Sex Mistakes Women Make

1. Thinking that men give a shit about a woman's need for foreplay.

Get over yourselves, ladies. "Get wet bitch," ""where's the lotion," "is there any of that grease left from tonight's fried chicken," should all be suitable alternatives to foreplay in today's busy world. The obsession modern American women have with FOREPLAY, romance and being wooed is a function of all that women's lib shit. Men don't have time for that. If you want romance, get a girlfriend. In fact, get one who is bi and will do the man too.

2. Licking the penis like it has Cajun Hot Sauce all over it . . . you know . . . the quick flick of the tongue and then the face all screwed up like you just sucked on the bottom of your gym shoe. Men like women who use their penis to poke their tonsils. Think deep. And think Vacuum Cleaner.

3. Ignoring the tip. Yes, we all like our balls licked and we like it when you lick the shaft. But when we're on a commercial break between rounds in a UFC championship fight, and really have to pee, no one has time for the fancy stuff. Just get down to basics and keep it simple.

4. Squirming. I'm not saying a little squirming isn't allowed . . . I mean, women's magazines tell you that you have this so-called "G-Spot" (which no one has ever actually found) so you ladies are always trying to scratch it. That's fine to some extent. But men like it when you let us ram it in hard and you make those funny gagging noises like it's coming out your throat. Save tickling the G-spot for a hot bath when you can poke around for it with a back scratcher. Let us know if you ever find the darn thing.

5. Not being sufficiently goal oriented. Look ladies, once again . . . we ain't got the time, OK? Yeah, I know you'd like us to diddle around all night but a man's penis takes about 0.75 seconds to go from limp noodle to rock hard and it usually takes under 60 seconds to shoot our wad if you're doing your part correctly. The rest is all wasted time as far as men are concerned. Focus. Make us come, lick us clean then go get us a beer so we can fart when you're out of the room.

6. Being overly concerned with pretty-boys like Brad Pitt. Yeah, he's a good looking guy (I guess) but just because I didn't shave all weekend or haven't showered since Friday, and just because my white beer belly is getting these black curly hairs all over it HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY PENIS. A man's penis does not change regardless of what the rest of his body is doing. Yes, as a man gains weight the penis becomes harder to find, but so what? Stop being so shallow.

7. Not allowing a man to watch porn. Listen up ladies and pay attention. A man has his BEST sex when he's doing you AND thinking about the gymnast he used to do in college or his best friend's mother or the porn star he whacked off to this morning. A man's fantasy life is TOTALLY where it's at. Keep your yap shut unless you're moaning, groaning or talking dirty. Don't interrupt. And when he asks you to dress like the girl he was chatting with at tonight's party, just do it, OK?

8. Not being slutty enough. It's just us OK? No cameras, no microphones, no midgets hiding in the closet. Why won't you let me finger your ass? In fact, why won't you finger my ass right when I'm ready to shoot my wad? Why won't you let me come on your face? Why won't you let me do you doggy-style while I'm watching porn? I mean, what's the harm?

9. Not being slutty enough. Part 2. This is so important it needs a second paragraph. You know that girl at the party tonight? Is there any way . . . you know, just saying . . . any way we could invite her over to go skinny dipping in the pool? And . . . can the two of you just kiss? That's all I want! I promise! Just kiss her one time with the two of you naked? OK?

10. Being too frigging demanding. Yeah, yeah, we got it. Ladies can come 5-6 times in a row. Maybe 10. But guys who get up at six in the morning to work all day to pay for the frigging house and all the electricity and hot water that goes with it ain't got the time or patience for your demands. YOUR MAN IS NOT DOCTOR PHIL, OK? At night, we just want you to fuck us then shut the hell up. Fuck us, feed us, bring us a cold beer and SHUT THE HELL UP. If you're still horny, wait a while and come do a little dance and play with yourself in front of me. You might just get lucky once again.

NeilPearson · 06-11-2008, 02:07 PM

Seems like valid advice

Crono1000 · 06-11-2008, 02:33 PM

this seems familiar...

Little Wing · 06-11-2008, 03:39 PM

it's a good thing you have Titania cuz you just ruined your chances with any chick that sees this post. and Tit has my deepest sympathies. in fact, i remember posting a sympathy card for her in another thread somewhere.

Crono1000 · 06-11-2008, 06:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Little Wing

it's a good thing you have Titania cuz you just ruined your chances with any chick that sees this post. and Tit has my deepest sympathies. in fact, i remember posting a sympathy card for her in another thread somewhere.

I was actually referring to a thread floating around of when I took 100 sex tips or something for men and Cronofied them. But even still, the rest of your post is accurate: my posts have ruined any chance with chicks and tit could really use that sympathy card

ALBOB · 06-11-2008, 09:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crono1000

I was actually referring to a thread floating around of when I took 100 sex tips or something for men and Cronofied them. But even still, the rest of your post is accurate: my posts have ruined any chance with chicks and tit could really use that sympathy card

Sounds like what Tit REALLY needs is a big ole dose of ALBOB.

rick22 · 07-13-2008, 04:59 AM

well.. these all are very true!! actually i can say that.. i've experienced them all..

weljhon · 08-02-2008, 08:30 AM

Ya very good and funny information you have given all 10 mistack are right... .............

TrojanMan60563 · 08-03-2008, 03:00 PM

This list of 10 makes me laugh. I don't totally agree with all of it, but I can at least relate to them all at one time or another.

I think women really sold themselves to a lot of the treatment they receive when they fought for this equal rights crap. If anything women were treated better and given more respect when they played the traditional role as woman/wife. Now when you get right down to it a man and a woman do not really need the other for anything but sex...and the toy market has done a good job at even getting rid of that need. It's a shame but hey that is life.

What gets me is how women still want to be wined and dinned and chased after...and expect you to be a "gentleman" and pay for it all...like its expected. The fucked up part of all that is the women you date now days make as much or more sometimes....and they still want to make you pay the majority of the time. The being a "gentleman" and paying was a gesture in the past based on women not working decent jobs or making a decent wage. So back in the day it would be disrespect for a man to ask the woman to pay, or pay half. I will make the gesture on a first date to show I know what chivalry is, but if she doesn't open her pocket book to pay her fair share after that she is history.

I guess for sex the above is easy to relate to, but I still think guys are lame if they don't want to have foreplay.....but hey guys don't listen to me...I love meeting girls who had previous lazy boyfriends, or meeting hot girls who are currently with guys that are not interested in foreplay or interested in their pleasure..... It's like taking candy from a baby!

06-11-2008, 01:56 PM	#1
wint Registered User Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Texas Posts: 1	The Top 10 Sex Mistakes Women Make The Top 10 Sex Mistakes Women Make 1. Thinking that men give a shit about a woman's need for foreplay. Get over yourselves, ladies. "Get wet bitch," ""where's the lotion," "is there any of that grease left from tonight's fried chicken," should all be suitable alternatives to foreplay in today's busy world. The obsession modern American women have with FOREPLAY, romance and being wooed is a function of all that women's lib shit. Men don't have time for that. If you want romance, get a girlfriend. In fact, get one who is bi and will do the man too. 2. Licking the penis like it has Cajun Hot Sauce all over it . . . you know . . . the quick flick of the tongue and then the face all screwed up like you just sucked on the bottom of your gym shoe. Men like women who use their penis to poke their tonsils. Think deep. And think Vacuum Cleaner. 3. Ignoring the tip. Yes, we all like our balls licked and we like it when you lick the shaft. But when we're on a commercial break between rounds in a UFC championship fight, and really have to pee, no one has time for the fancy stuff. Just get down to basics and keep it simple. 4. Squirming. I'm not saying a little squirming isn't allowed . . . I mean, women's magazines tell you that you have this so-called "G-Spot" (which no one has ever actually found) so you ladies are always trying to scratch it. That's fine to some extent. But men like it when you let us ram it in hard and you make those funny gagging noises like it's coming out your throat. Save tickling the G-spot for a hot bath when you can poke around for it with a back scratcher. Let us know if you ever find the darn thing. 5. Not being sufficiently goal oriented. Look ladies, once again . . . we ain't got the time, OK? Yeah, I know you'd like us to diddle around all night but a man's penis takes about 0.75 seconds to go from limp noodle to rock hard and it usually takes under 60 seconds to shoot our wad if you're doing your part correctly. The rest is all wasted time as far as men are concerned. Focus. Make us come, lick us clean then go get us a beer so we can fart when you're out of the room. 6. Being overly concerned with pretty-boys like Brad Pitt. Yeah, he's a good looking guy (I guess) but just because I didn't shave all weekend or haven't showered since Friday, and just because my white beer belly is getting these black curly hairs all over it HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY PENIS. A man's penis does not change regardless of what the rest of his body is doing. Yes, as a man gains weight the penis becomes harder to find, but so what? Stop being so shallow. 7. Not allowing a man to watch porn. Listen up ladies and pay attention. A man has his BEST sex when he's doing you AND thinking about the gymnast he used to do in college or his best friend's mother or the porn star he whacked off to this morning. A man's fantasy life is TOTALLY where it's at. Keep your yap shut unless you're moaning, groaning or talking dirty. Don't interrupt. And when he asks you to dress like the girl he was chatting with at tonight's party, just do it, OK? 8. Not being slutty enough. It's just us OK? No cameras, no microphones, no midgets hiding in the closet. Why won't you let me finger your ass? In fact, why won't you finger my ass right when I'm ready to shoot my wad? Why won't you let me come on your face? Why won't you let me do you doggy-style while I'm watching porn? I mean, what's the harm? 9. Not being slutty enough. Part 2. This is so important it needs a second paragraph. You know that girl at the party tonight? Is there any way . . . you know, just saying . . . any way we could invite her over to go skinny dipping in the pool? And . . . can the two of you just kiss? That's all I want! I promise! Just kiss her one time with the two of you naked? OK? 10. Being too frigging demanding. Yeah, yeah, we got it. Ladies can come 5-6 times in a row. Maybe 10. But guys who get up at six in the morning to work all day to pay for the frigging house and all the electricity and hot water that goes with it ain't got the time or patience for your demands. YOUR MAN IS NOT DOCTOR PHIL, OK? At night, we just want you to fuck us then shut the hell up. Fuck us, feed us, bring us a cold beer and SHUT THE HELL UP. If you're still horny, wait a while and come do a little dance and play with yourself in front of me. You might just get lucky once again.

06-11-2008, 03:39 PM	#4
Little Wing Mommmmmm, turn it down!!! Elite Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: United States Posts: 23,759 Photos: 191	it's a good thing you have Titania cuz you just ruined your chances with any chick that sees this post. and Tit has my deepest sympathies. in fact, i remember posting a sympathy card for her in another thread somewhere. "MUSCLE IS TRULY GUARANTEED IF YOU WILL HONESTLY work out to BE YOUR VERY BEST - GO FOR IT!!! BECAUSE YOU CAN!!!!!! Take Care, John H."

08-02-2008, 08:30 AM	#8
weljhon Registered User Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: us Posts: 5	RE: The Top 10 Sex Mistakes Women Make Ya very good and funny information you have given all 10 mistack are right... .............

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06-11-2008, 02:07 PM	#2
NeilPearson Registered User Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Phoenix, AZ Posts: 2,518	Seems like valid advice

06-11-2008, 02:33 PM	#3
Crono1000 Peelosopher Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 6,044 Photos: 11	this seems familiar...

07-13-2008, 04:59 AM	#7
rick22 Newbie Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Canada Posts: 10	well.. these all are very true!! actually i can say that.. i've experienced them all..

08-03-2008, 03:00 PM	#9
TrojanMan60563 Registered User Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: The U-S of A Posts: 3,393 Photos: 1	This list of 10 makes me laugh. I don't totally agree with all of it, but I can at least relate to them all at one time or another. I think women really sold themselves to a lot of the treatment they receive when they fought for this equal rights crap. If anything women were treated better and given more respect when they played the traditional role as woman/wife. Now when you get right down to it a man and a woman do not really need the other for anything but sex...and the toy market has done a good job at even getting rid of that need. It's a shame but hey that is life. What gets me is how women still want to be wined and dinned and chased after...and expect you to be a "gentleman" and pay for it all...like its expected. The fucked up part of all that is the women you date now days make as much or more sometimes....and they still want to make you pay the majority of the time. The being a "gentleman" and paying was a gesture in the past based on women not working decent jobs or making a decent wage. So back in the day it would be disrespect for a man to ask the woman to pay, or pay half. I will make the gesture on a first date to show I know what chivalry is, but if she doesn't open her pocket book to pay her fair share after that she is history. I guess for sex the above is easy to relate to, but I still think guys are lame if they don't want to have foreplay.....but hey guys don't listen to me...I love meeting girls who had previous lazy boyfriends, or meeting hot girls who are currently with guys that are not interested in foreplay or interested in their pleasure..... It's like taking candy from a baby!