Doctor's Notes

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    Talking Doctor's Notes

    A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her
    baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,
    lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear.
    Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the
    wrong one. Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX

    At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
    and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. Big
    breaths, I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the
    patient. Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

    One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife
    that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not
    more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest
    of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart." Dr.
    Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

    I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity
    test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and
    began,"Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20
    line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now
    both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the
    large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done
    exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his
    eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam. Dr.
    Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA

    During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
    cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having
    trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The
    patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and
    now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly
    undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes, the
    man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions
    include removal of the old patch before applying a new one. Dr.
    Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

    While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I sked, "How
    long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion
    she answered... "Why, not for about twenty years-when my husband
    was alive." Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

    I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how was
    your breakfast this morning?" "It was very good, except for the
    Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the
    patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman
    produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly." Dr. Leonard
    Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

    A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman
    with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a
    variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was
    quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so
    she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely
    disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic
    hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that
    read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the
    surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said,
    "Sorry. Had to mow the lawn!"

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    those are funny
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    Your doctor has ISSUES1

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