A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her
baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,
lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the
wrong one. Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. Big
breaths, I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the
patient. Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife
that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not
more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest
of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart." Dr.
Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity
test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and
began,"Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20
line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now
both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the
large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done
exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his
eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam. Dr.
Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having
trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The
patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and
now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly
undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes, the
man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions
include removal of the old patch before applying a new one. Dr.
Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I sked, "How
long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion
she answered... "Why, not for about twenty years-when my husband
was alive." Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how was
your breakfast this morning?" "It was very good, except for the
Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the
patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman
produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly." Dr. Leonard
Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman
with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a
variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was
quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so
she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely
disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic
hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that
read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the
surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said,
"Sorry. Had to mow the lawn!"
baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,
lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the
wrong one. Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. Big
breaths, I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the
patient. Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife
that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not
more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest
of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart." Dr.
Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity
test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and
began,"Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20
line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now
both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the
large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done
exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his
eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam. Dr.
Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having
trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The
patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and
now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly
undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes, the
man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions
include removal of the old patch before applying a new one. Dr.
Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I sked, "How
long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion
she answered... "Why, not for about twenty years-when my husband
was alive." Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how was
your breakfast this morning?" "It was very good, except for the
Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the
patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman
produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly." Dr. Leonard
Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman
with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a
variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was
quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so
she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely
disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic
hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that
read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the
surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said,
"Sorry. Had to mow the lawn!"
