We're CLOSED..Monday Fun

[DaMayor]

Withut fail here at the Blues Cafe', on the slowest day of the week, we get some dork who walks in 3 minutes before we close. In today's case...two dorks. These people will, without fail, order a glass of water and the cheapest item on the menu, and will set up cmp for a couple of hours.
I have adopted a new approach to dealing with this....Musical Torture. As they converse, as they are at this very moment, I sneak into my office and make some adjustments to our "playlist". I then sit, and increase the house volume every minute or so, or as neede to encourage those in the dining area to leave. Today's dork repellant:

The Bee Gees~ Baby come back
George Michaels~ Careless Whisper
Bobby McFarrin~ Don't worry, be happy.
Cameo~ Doin' da Butt
Twisted Sister~We're not ganna take it.
Hank Williams Jr.~Family Tradition
Sugar Hill Gang~Rapper's Delight
Don McLean~American Pie


I am searching for the Bagpipe music next.

 

[DOMS]

Scatterbrain - Don't Call Me Dude

 

[ZECH]

Withut fail here at the Blues Cafe', on the slowest day of the week, we get some dork who walks in 3 minutes before we close. In today's case...two dorks. These people will, without fail, order a glass of water and the cheapest item on the menu, and will set up cmp for a couple of hours.
I have adopted a new approach to dealing with this....Musical Torture. As they converse, as they are at this very moment, I sneak into my office and make some adjustments to our "playlist". I then sit, and increase the house volume every minute or so, or as neede to encourage those in the dining area to leave. Today's dork repellant:

The Bee Gees~ Baby come back
Twisted Sister~We're not ganna take it.
Hank Williams Jr.~Family Tradition

Baby come back was originally done by Player.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hn-enjcgV1o


And these three songs are good! Don't make me come down there!

 

[FMJ]

Tiny Tim - Tiptoe through the tulips.

That'll get rid of 'em!

 

[maniclion]

Dancing Queen and YMCA would drive me from any meal...
Also any Axel Rose whining.....wah wah wah wah Sweeet Chiiiilllddd o' MIII--EEEE---YYINE

 

[KelJu]

Play Lady Gaga: Poker Face on repeat.

 

[DaMayor]

Play Lady Gaga: Poker Face on repeat.

Too bad I don't have the Cartman version.....

Aw snap! I could've played the Chipmunks Christmas tunes!

 

[bio-chem]

have someone come in with a shot gun and fake rob the place

 

[maniclion]

Add Cher - If I Could Turn Back Time and WHO LET THE DOGS OUT, and don't forget The Macarena

If it's 2 guys turn the lights down low and play lovey cushy music like this

YouTube Video

and then go sit at a table near them and make comments like "I wonder if it's their first date?" "Don't they make a cute couple?" etc...

 

[Perdido]

Turning the music off then running the vacuum cleaner at the next table doesn't work?

 

[maniclion]

Turning the music off then running the vacuum cleaner at the next table doesn't work?

Or turn the music off and have a fake argument with the cook in the kitchen loud enough for them to hear about how he doesn't have the stuff prepped for what they ordered, then you grab a bussers tray and pretend to be scraping food of while saying "Look this person only ate half and this person only ate half you scrape them onto one plate you got another whole!"

 

[FMJ]

Or go into the kitchen and say "These goddam rats got into the pantry again!"

 

[Perdido]

or, turn off the music and have the staff plug there ear buds in and sing off key to there favorite song.