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Qantas Pilot complaints.....

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  1. #1
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    Thumbs up Qantas Pilot complaints.....






    Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a
    sense of humor.
    Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by
    QANTAS pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics. By the way QANTAS is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
    (P stands for the problem the pilots entered in the log,
    and S stands for the corrective action taken by the mechanics.)


    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.


    P: Test flight OK, except auto land very rough.
    S: Auto land not installed on this aircraft.


    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.


    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on backor! der.


    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.


    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.


    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.


    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what they're there for!


    P: IFF inoperative.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


    P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
    S: Suspect you're right.


    P: Number 3 engine missing. (note: this was for a piston-engine airplane; the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly)
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed radar with words.


    P: Mouse in cockpit
    S: Cat installed
    167 170 175 180 185 190 195 196 197 198 199 200
    |- -|----|----|----|----|----|---|---|---|---|---|
    ****
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^Progress^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    2/22- ?? my gym membership expired!!
    2/11- 170lbs
    2/4 - 167lbs

  2. #2
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    LOL
    ~Ann
    We must teach our children to dream with their eyes open.
    -Harry Edwards

  3. #3

  4. #4
    Capricorn
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    I don't know Kuso, but I've seen them as US Naval Aviation gripes as well.....LOL...
    MAX. Q
    by Howard Balzer

    "Roughly one minute after the space shuttle launches, it must withstand a condition of extreme force known as Max Q. Mission success demands that all systems perform at the highest level.

    In life, Max Q demands the same commitment to success. It requires choosing greatness, personally as well as professionally. It depends on balance, passion and courage and the wisdom gained from adversity. It is an outcome as well as an attitude."

  5. #5
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    LMAO, nice laugh
    Just a girl.... Looking for muscles!!

  6. #6
    Um......get rooted!
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    Originally posted by Max. Q
    I don't know Kuso, but I've seen them as US Naval Aviation gripes as well.....LOL...
    Hmmm........I think ALBOB mentione they were originally US Airforce....I can check though...hang on!

  7. #7
    Um......get rooted!
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    Originally posted by kuso
    ALBOB...you ASS

    Guess what I just found online

    "Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. "Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews."
    Originally posted by ALBOB

    I know. I've been seeing this list for over 20 years now but when it came to me in an e-mail titled "Aussie Humor" I couldn't resist.

  8. #8
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    ! heard it from albob but they're still funny
    230_225_220_215_210_205_200_195_190_185_180
    |----|----|----|----|----|----|----|----|---|----|
    <- that way about 20 more pounds!

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