Pics of said explosive bowel movements or it never happened
A PRIVATE MESSAGE FROM MY FRIEND THE CAPT'N.
Dear Retlaw....Yesterday I had watery poops again. But here's what I noticed about the watery shit. I drank about 2 pints of water minutes before. Then bam! Fire hose out my ass. Is it possible, that I drank all that water so quickly, that it just ran through me like a track meet, and out my ass? I didn't have any food in my stomach, before my workout, so maybe it's possible! - Your friend the Capt'n
Capt'n my brother. . .I have some harsh news for you.
The watery shit is a symptom of something terrible that is happening to you. . .something that is almost worse than the dreaded ass cancer itself.
The watery shit is your body's way of easing you into sitting down when you piss. That's right, Capt'n. . .You're becoming BITCHIFIED!
I have suspected for a while that you might have early signs of this awful affliction, but have held my tongue through baby stories and descriptions of how your tummy can no longer handle hot, spicy, manly foods as well as it once could. . .but I cannot just stand by any longer and see this happen to the creator of this oasis of hope and happiness in the electronic wilderness!
CAN I JUST STAND BY AND WATCH AS CAPT'N BECOMES BITCHIFIED?
No. I cannot. I'm here to help you, my man!
What you need here is the proper diet to plug that runny hole up so you can once again grunt out the fully formed brown asschildren that are the pride and joy of any real man!
Follow this diet exactly:
RETLAWS ANTI-BITCHIFICATION DIET
In addition to your normal diet, add. . .
1 daily serving of asparagus - at least 6 stalks
1 daily serving of fresh garlic - at least half a clove
(can be used as seasoning. . .you don't have to just eat it, although if your bitchification continues, raw ingestion may be called for)
1 daily serving of red meat - at least 1 pound
(any red meat will do, from steak to hamburger. 1 pound does NOT include rib bones, but MEAT)
12 cups of black coffee
(once again, the coffee dosage may be increased if bitchification does not seem to subside)
Ignore my advice at your own peril! Shit like a man once more or sit to piss. . .your choice bro !
to the bat cave
" A cookie without sugar is just a cracker" ~ ancient voodoo proverb
"A man with infinite patience is never left waiting."~ROID's past incarnation
Great idea. Bump a thread that is what - like three threads down? Someone seems to be way too obsessed with The Captn's bowel movements.
Suck my sick !
Oh Captn'.... Retlaw would really like to talk about your turds.
If you strike me down(ban me)I'll become more powerful than ever.. Don't say i don't warn you.
Captn' - Retlaw wants for information on your turds...
Vortrit... I know where u live mutherfucker !
Now Captn' - please tell us about that fudge factory before Retlaw comes to Missouri after me
I think he wants to ass-rape me and steal my turds!
Finally some of the information that was wanted! Hey Retlaw!