A married man, having spent the evening getting quite looped with his buddies, shows up at home very late.
He looks quite disheveled and has a live chicken under his arm. His wife was waiting inside the door with her hands on her hips and steam coming out of her ears.
The husband slurs, "Here is the pig I've been screwing."
The wife says, "That's not a pig, you drunken idiot, it's a chicken!"
The husband replies, "I was talking to the chicken!"
Jagbender's battle of the bulge
The problems we face today are because the people who work for a living are outnumbered by the people who vote for a living