I've got a software problem - Can you help?
Eighteen months ago I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2 which I had used for years without any trouble.
However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.
To make matters worse Girlfriend 1.0 is also incompatible with several other applications, such as Lads Night Out 3.1, Football 2 and Playboy 6.1.
Successive versions of Girlfriend have proved no better. A shareware beta-programme, Party Girl 2.1, had many bugs and left a virus in my system forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.
Eventually I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to all my hardware.
Sensing a way out, I upgraded to Fiancée 1.0 only to discover that this product had to be upgraded to Wife 1.0. I did this largely because, whilst Wife 1.0 uses up all available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSex Plus and Cleanhouse 2000.
However, I discovered that Wife 1.0 can be very unstable and costly to run. For example, any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted, they would resurface months later.
Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Wife Diary Explorer and E-mail porn filter and can, without warning, launch Photostrop and Whingezip. These latter products have no help files and require you to try and guess the problem yourself.
Additional costly problems are that the Wife 1.0 bundle, that came with the original system, needs updating regularly, requiring Shoe Shop Browser Pro for new attachments and Hairstyle Express needs to be reinstalled every other week.
It also conflicts with some of the new games I wanted to try, stating that they are an illegal operation. When Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Nova programme it often crashes or runs the system dry.
Wife 1.0 also has a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-in Law, which can't be turned off. Recently I have been tempted to try Mistress 2000, but there could be problems : if Wife 1.0 detects the presence of Mistress 2000 it will delete all MS Money files before un-installing itself.