Anyone who has spent some time in the gym has encountered some of societies more bizarre representatives. Many of these individuals seem to have recurring roles at more than one gym. This list, in no particular order, serves as a compilation of the gyms top 10 most interesting and recurring characters. Feel free to add your own in the comment section.
The Has Been - You wouldn't know by looking at him, but this gentleman used to be the strongest, leanest, most muscular man in the world. He has worked out with Arnold, Franco, Stallone, and even was responsible for showing them how to build their physiques. He can be spotted by his collection of three 10 year old t-shirts that are worn in rotation. At any given moment, this gentleman will be enlightening some of the youngsters, or whoever he can corner, about how great he used to be.
Clown-makeup Lady - This woman spent three hours dressing and painting her face for her 35 minute workout. She will not break a sweat during this workout. She will usually have on hoop earrings, eye-liner, watches, necklaces, and copious amounts of face paint. She is too good to talk to you, but you had better damn sure notice her or she may cry when she gets home, causing erosion in the make-up under her eyes.
Professor Fitness - This guy is like a hawk, preying on those he feels may allow him to instruct them how to work out. He doesn't do much working out himself, but if he does, look out, as he knows everything there is to know. Please do not distract him from his trade as this ego boost is necessary to his fragile psyche. He will avoid those who know what they are doing in the gym like the plague. He can be spotted talking to the fat chick on the butt-blaster.
The Reader - This guy is a multi-tasker. He is able to perform a set of 30 one-arm cable push downs and read chapters 15-17 of War and Peace at the same time. You can't do it, so don't embarrass yourself trying. He is easy to find.
Mr. 3% Body Fat - This guy has a home filled with fun house mirrors. If he didn't, he wouldn't be so delusional as to think that anyone believed his ridiculous claims. While he looks like an Average Joe, he isn't, he's actually carrying only 3% body fat and he will be quick to point out that he was in fact 2% body fat just a few short months ago. Admire him, compliment him, then move one. Comparing yourself to him will quickly become frustrating and discouraging. As with The Reader, you can't do it.
Fitness Prevention Specialist - This guy will not be working out today and if things go well for him, neither will you. He comes to the gym with a goal in mind. That goal is to distract you from your workout. The more primitive F.P.S.'s will use simple conversation as their primary tactic. However, the more technologically advanced F.P.S.'s will use props; such as showing you text-messages, pictures, and even offering heir headphones so you may hear their favorite song on their IPod. Like a Tijuana pick-pocket, this guy is stealthy. He is hard to spot at first, but once you identify him, you won't soon forget.
She Shouldn't be Wearing That - Scantily clad women in the gym can be a bonus. This one isn't. She is about +100 hours on the treadmill or -100 cheeseburgers away from being able to wear what she is wearing today.
The Talent Scout - This guy is a form of the F.P.S. He notices every woman in the gym and is eager to tell you his opinion on all of them. If you are having trouble spotting "Clown-Makeup" or "She Shouldn't be Wearing That", this guy will point them out from his peripheral vision; no head-turn needed.
The Warrior - This guy could kill you whenever he wants. He will super-set his weight lifting with some shadow boxing, grappling holds, and if needed, high kicks. He can be spotted because he probably has some scary tattoos, meaning he is tough. He will be under 5'8" and either over-weight, under-muscled, or both. He is praying no one will figure out that he, in fact, isn't really the world's top-ranked combatant.
The Gym Peacock - This guy takes about 3,000mg of testosterone every week, lifts as much weight as his joints will allow, makes more noise than a Slayer concert, and looks like a Silverback Gorilla and Ricki Lake had a baby. It doesn't matter if he convinces you that he is the biggest and baddest guy in the gym, because he has convinced himself.
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