I hate auto flushing toilets!

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  1. #1
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    I hate auto flushing toilets!

    I'm at this seminar and the toilets are auto flushers. I had 4 cups of coffee to stay awake and had to shit like a champ. I go in the stall wipe down the seat and put down the ass bip. The second I get my pants down and am inches away from sitting the toilet flushed and dragged the ass bip with it. The second try I leaned to the side thinking I was out of the IR range and it did it again. Third time Ripped the middle section off, but when the toilet flushed it splashed water up onto the seat. So annoying!
    Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
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    and drag down the features of age,
    no folds or creases from unkempt wear
    eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
    no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
    but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012

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    just be a man and put your bare ass on the seat
    to be the man you have to beat the man.

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    Worse is when you have those little rabbit turds and the water splashes back up on your asshole. They should have heated toliet water.
    Like people about as much as they like me. Never found a way to say fuck you politely.

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    lol, I like that Idea
    to be the man you have to beat the man.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SloppyJ View Post
    Worse is when you have those little rabbit turds and the water splashes back up on your asshole. They should have heated toliet water.
    ^^^^^this right here! Couldn't agree more!

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by seyone View Post
    just be a man and put your bare ass on the seat
    No way, I always picture these fat grotesque humans who sit on their ass all day having festering open boils on their asses sitting on the seats bare assed. At my old job we had this tub of lard who would go into the toilet and destroy it, their would be shit on the lid, under the rim, I couldn't imagine he could clean all of that shit off of his ass so he must have been walking around with crusted shit on his ass and he took 2-3 shits a day. Ever since then I've imagined every public toilet is just smeared with shit and blood and piss and puss and lord knows what else....
    Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
    not yet plucked as to slacken the seams
    and drag down the features of age,
    no folds or creases from unkempt wear
    eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
    no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
    but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012

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    Quote Originally Posted by maniclion View Post
    I'm at this seminar and the toilets are auto flushers. I had 4 cups of coffee to stay awake and had to shit like a champ. I go in the stall wipe down the seat and put down the ass bip. The second I get my pants down and am inches away from sitting the toilet flushed and dragged the ass bip with it. The second try I leaned to the side thinking I was out of the IR range and it did it again. Third time Ripped the middle section off, but when the toilet flushed it splashed water up onto the seat. So annoying!
    I laughed so loud at this comment. Seriously though, those things are a pain in the ass. What's worse is when they have damn TURBO suction and they fling water all over your ass and back
    ~RaZr~ is a fictional character. Everything stated is of "hypothetical" ideation and not to be taken seriously!

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    Quote Originally Posted by maniclion View Post
    I'm at this seminar and the toilets are auto flushers. I had 4 cups of coffee to stay awake and had to shit like a champ. I go in the stall wipe down the seat and put down the ass bip. The second I get my pants down and am inches away from sitting the toilet flushed and dragged the ass bip with it. The second try I leaned to the side thinking I was out of the IR range and it did it again. Third time Ripped the middle section off, but when the toilet flushed it splashed water up onto the seat. So annoying!
    Quote Originally Posted by ~RaZr~ View Post
    I laughed so loud at this comment. Seriously though, those things are a pain in the ass. What's worse is when they have damn TURBO suction and they fling water all over your ass and back
    Thanks for the good laugh...

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    At least you have a seat. Try shitting in a squat toilet and having shit water splash all over your ass from just 2 inches away. A few years ago I had to shit real bad and used a squat toilet. I reached behind my back to push the lever and felt something slimey. When I pulled my hand back, there was something on it that appeared to be mucous. I remember thinking "OMFG! I hope that's snot and not someting moar sinister!"

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by maniclion View Post
    I'm at this seminar and the toilets are auto flushers. I had 4 cups of coffee to stay awake and had to shit like a champ. I go in the stall wipe down the seat and put down the ass bip. The second I get my pants down and am inches away from sitting the toilet flushed and dragged the ass bip with it. The second try I leaned to the side thinking I was out of the IR range and it did it again. Third time Ripped the middle section off, but when the toilet flushed it splashed water up onto the seat. So annoying!
    I hate those fucking things..them and those stupid sinks never seem to work right for me
    William F. Buckley describes a conservative as, "someone who stands athwart history, yelling Stop." - and then proceeds to drag civilization back to times best left in history's dungheap.

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    Sinks always have too much water pressure and spray out splashing my shorts... then i look like I pissed all over myself. Fucking sinks:banghead:

  12. #12
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    There are no manual flush toilets left at airports, either. Last time I was at Lambert International, I didn't even sit down on the seat yet and the red light started blinking and the toilet flushed. I agree, very annoying.

    And don't lie, how many have had the explosive diarhea so bad you actually try to time your flush with your shit so it doesn't splash back up on you? I've had a couple post protein incidents that were almost disastrous.

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    Quote Originally Posted by secdrl View Post
    There are no manual flush toilets left at airports, either. Last time I was at Lambert International, I didn't even sit down on the seat yet and the red light started blinking and the toilet flushed. I agree, very annoying.

    And don't lie, how many have had the explosive diarhea so bad you actually try to time your flush with your shit so it doesn't splash back up on you? I've had a couple post protein incidents that were almost disastrous.
    Lmfao! Yeah, I did that when I was on shift at the gym I work at. Just finished a Cliff mint protein bar and bout 10 min later went oh fuck and ran out. Apparently a couple ppl noticed what was wrong cause I was trying to clench and run at the same time. It looks pretty hilarious I'm sure!

  14. #14
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    I do too Manic.

    Just grab a few pieces of TP and hang it over the sensor.

    That's What I do.

  15. #15
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    ^^^genius...
    I do every thing I can to shit at home... The lowes shitter turbo flushed while I was sitting on it and it got my berries wet... I was not the same all day, it almost ruined my weekend

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by GearsMcGilf View Post
    At least you have a seat. Try shitting in a squat toilet and having shit water splash all over your ass from just 2 inches away. A few years ago I had to shit real bad and used a squat toilet. I reached behind my back to push the lever and felt something slimey. When I pulled my hand back, there was something on it that appeared to be mucous. I remember thinking "OMFG! I hope that's snot and not someting moar sinister!"
    I had to try to use one of those in Thailand after a night of Singhas and way too spicy food, I see a hole in the floor with footprints painted on either side. I'm like wtf is this! I took a shit in the trash can, tossed a big wad of papertowels on it and left in a hurry. No wonder those fuckers are so limber.... Another episode in Thailand, I walk into a few restrooms and they had attendants, I was like cool thats swanky, what wasn't cool was when they walk up behind you while your pissing and try to massage your shoulders...
    Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
    not yet plucked as to slacken the seams
    and drag down the features of age,
    no folds or creases from unkempt wear
    eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
    no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
    but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by secdrl View Post
    And don't lie, how many have had the explosive diarhea so bad you actually try to time your flush with your shit so it doesn't splash back up on you?
    Oh Hell no, I WANT it to splash. Every time I have a good nuclear load built up, I head straight for the nearest public restroom and fantasize that the next guy to use that toilet will be maniclion.
    Rules? You mean we have RULES for that???

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by ALBOB View Post
    Oh Hell no, I WANT it to splash. Every time I have a good nuclear load built up, I head straight for the nearest public restroom and fantasize that the next guy to use that toilet will be maniclion.
    I rarely use the shitters in public thanks to my steady diet of opiates, so go nuts just remember you're touching several other mens bare asses when you sit on that seat....
    Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
    not yet plucked as to slacken the seams
    and drag down the features of age,
    no folds or creases from unkempt wear
    eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
    no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
    but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012

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    What's worse is when your cell phone flips off your belt the moment you stand up and the damn toilet power flushes it into the sewer system before you have a chance to grab for it! Ask me how I know...

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    Quote Originally Posted by deadlifter405 View Post
    What's worse is when your cell phone flips off your belt the moment you stand up and the damn toilet power flushes it into the sewer system before you have a chance to grab for it! Ask me how I know...
    Rule #1 - When taking a dump in a public restroom, ALWAYS remove your cell phone from any belt, pocket or hand that could ACCIDENTALLY let it fall into the toilet.
    ~RaZr~ is a fictional character. Everything stated is of "hypothetical" ideation and not to be taken seriously!

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by ~RaZr~ View Post
    Rule #1 - When taking a dump in a public restroom, ALWAYS remove your cell phone from any belt, pocket or hand that could ACCIDENTALLY let it fall into the toilet.
    I constantly have nightmares about that happening but rarely use public toilets to go #2...stupid brain
    William F. Buckley describes a conservative as, "someone who stands athwart history, yelling Stop." - and then proceeds to drag civilization back to times best left in history's dungheap.

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    Quote Originally Posted by LAM View Post
    I constantly have nightmares about that happening but rarely use public toilets to go #2...stupid brain
    Haha I remember one time a guy taking a piss, while talking on the phone.

    Next thing I heard was "Oh shit!" and plunk.....phone goes into the toilet

    Don't know if he saved it or just flushed it
    ~RaZr~ is a fictional character. Everything stated is of "hypothetical" ideation and not to be taken seriously!

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by deadlifter405 View Post
    What's worse is when your cell phone flips off your belt the moment you stand up and the damn toilet power flushes it into the sewer system before you have a chance to grab for it! Ask me how I know...
    Almost had my wallet do that, stood up and it caught the edge of the toilet and flipped up in the air then landed on the seat just teetering on the edge...
    Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
    not yet plucked as to slacken the seams
    and drag down the features of age,
    no folds or creases from unkempt wear
    eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
    no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
    but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012

  24. #24
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    No shit... They scare the hell out of my kids. At age 4 - 5 - 7 -9 (all girls) its always fukin somthing that scares them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by maniclion View Post
    I had to try to use one of those in Thailand after a night of Singhas and way too spicy food, I see a hole in the floor with footprints painted on either side. I'm like wtf is this! I took a shit in the trash can, tossed a big wad of papertowels on it and left in a hurry. No wonder those fuckers are so limber.... Another episode in Thailand, I walk into a few restrooms and they had attendants, I was like cool thats swanky, what wasn't cool was when they walk up behind you while your pissing and try to massage your shoulders...
    LOL! I've never gotten the back massage while pissing, but a few of my mates have. There's no way I could piss with some dude rubbing my shoulders.

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    do as the mexicans do here in texas basically just shit in the trash cans...

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    The shitters in Union Station have automatic ass gaskets. The seat is covered with plastic all the way around and before you sit you press a button and the machine on the back of the seat pulls a (hopefully) clean section all the way around. With that much plastic being used at a time and the traffic in Union Station I can't imagine that there is enough to last more than a few hours before having to be replaced.
    If gunners were as violent as anti-gunners believe, logically there wouldn't be any anti-gunners left.

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    I went into the bathroom at BK the other night and it looked like there was a good sized dollop of shit on the toilet seat in the ladies room. Because you know, the site of another persons turd really makes you want to have a greasy burger. I really wanted to just piss on the floor in the stall as a reminder that they should probably check their bathrooms more often, but somehow I resisted the urge.
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    So much like mom

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