Warranty Card:

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  1. #1
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    Warranty Card:

    WARRANTY CARD - McDonnell DOUGLAS CORPORATION

    This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas Website by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of course, does not have a sense of humor, and made the web department take it down immediately (for once, the 'IMPORTANT' note at the end is worth a read too....)

    PRODUCT SUPPORT QUESTIONNAIRE

    Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to
    develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

    1. Title

    [_]Mr.
    [_] Mrs.
    [_] Ms.
    [_] Miss
    [_] Lt.
    [_] Gen.
    [_] Comrade
    [_] Classified
    [_] Other
    First Name:............................................
    Initial: ........
    Last Name:.............................................
    Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)
    Code Name:.............................................
    Latitude-Longitude-Altitude:......................

    2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
    [_] F-14 Tomcat
    [_] F-15 Eagle
    [_] F-16 Falcon
    [_] F-117A Stealth
    [_] Classified

    3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day):......../......./......
    4. Serial Number:........................................
    5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
    [_] Received as gift / aid package
    [_] Catalogue / showroom
    [_] Independent arms broker
    [_] Mail order
    [_] Discount store
    [_] Government surplus
    [_] Classified
    6. Please indicate how you became aware of the
    McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:
    [_] Heard loud noise, looked up
    [_] Store display
    [_] Espionage
    [_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
    [_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
    [_] Was attacked by one
    7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
    decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
    [_] Style / appearance
    [_] Speed / maneuverability
    [_] Price / value
    [_] Comfort / convenience
    [_] Kickback / bribe
    [_] Recommended by salesperson
    [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
    [_] Advanced Weapons Systems
    [_] Backroom politics
    [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
    8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
    [_] North America
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Aircraft carrier
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Europe
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Middle East (not Iraq)
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Africa
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Asia / Far East
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Misc. Third World countries
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Classified
    [_] Iraq
    9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to
    purchase in the near future:
    [_] Color TV
    [_] VCR
    [_] ICBM
    [_] Killer Satellite
    [_] Satellite Killer
    [_] CD Player
    [_] Air-to-Air Missile
    [_] Space Shuttle
    [_] Home Computer
    [_] Nuclear Weapon
    10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all
    that apply
    [_] Communist / Socialist
    [_] Terrorist
    [_] Crazed
    [_] Neutral
    [_] Democratic
    [_] Dictatorship
    [_] Corrupt
    [_] Primitive / Tribal
    11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
    [_] Deficit spending
    [_] Cash
    [_] Suitcases of cocaine
    [_] Oil revenues
    [_] Personal check
    [_] Credit card
    [_] Ransom money
    [_] Traveler's check
    12. Your occupation:
    [_] Homemaker
    [_] Sales / marketing
    [_] Revolutionary
    [_] Clerical
    [_] Mercenary
    [_] Tyrant
    [_] Middle management
    [_] Eccentric billionaire
    [_] Defense Minister / General
    [_] Retired
    [_] Student
    13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the
    interests and activities in which you enjoy participating on a regular
    basis:
    [_] Golf
    [_] Boating / sailing
    [_] Sabotage
    [_] Running / jogging
    [_] Propaganda / misinformation
    [_] Destabilization / overthrow
    [_] Default on loans
    [_] Gardening
    [_] Crafts
    [_] Black market / smuggling
    [_] Collectibles / collections
    [_] Watching sports on TV
    [_] Wines
    [_] Interrogation / torture
    [_] Household pets
    [_] Crushing rebellions
    [_] Espionage / reconnaissance
    [_] Fashion clothing
    [_] Border disputes
    [_] Mutually Assured Destruction
    Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help
    McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!
    Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?
    Please write to: McDonnell DOUGLAS CORPORATION, Marketing Department,
    Military Aerospace Division
    IMPORTANT:
    This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named
    above and may contain information that is confidential privileged or
    unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor, or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended
    recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored. No
    animals were harmed in the transmission of this email, although the crazy dog next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you! Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft. However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites, whisk and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes. Sure, you can TRUST the Gov't. Ask any Indian.
    Success leaves clues. People who produce outstanding results do specific things to create those results

    Nobody cares what you did yesterday or what you are going to do tomorrow. What is important is what you are doing NOW to solve our problem

    THERE IS NO TOMORROW!
    - Appollo Creed

  2. #2
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  3. #3
    FTW
    Rusty's Avatar


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    Now that's fuckin funny.........

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