If you put 242 plates on the leg press and perform 1/8 reps while screaming.
You pose in the mirror in-between sets.
You do alternating curls with 20# DB and grunt with each curl, looking around to see if anyone is watching.
You max out on bench every time you step in to the gym.
You grunt emphatically while lifting sissy amounts of weight.
You don?t train muscles you can?t see in the mirror.
The closest thing to a squat in your routine is when you sit down on a bench to talk with a hot chick on the elliptical close by.
You don?t re-rack your weights.
You carry a gallon jug full of BCAAs around in the gym.
You don?t wipe down the benches/machines/barbells after use.
You train in sweatpants to cover up your scrawny legs/calves but wear a sleeveless top to show off your ?guns?.
Your name is BLEEP BLEEP. (Name removed so we don?t get sued)
Your ?chest day? is always on Mondays.
You scream ?you will not OUTWORK me? before you max out.
You do 1000s of situps but no weighted ab exercises.
You bitch at anyone who tries to use the squat rack between your sets?.even if you are talking on your cell phone for 10-15 minutes.
You spend more time picking out your gym outfit than you spend in the gym lifting.
Every time some one tries to talk to you?you cut them off with ?Not now Bro?I?m in the ZONE!?
You load the bar so heavily that even warmup reps require a spotter and help to rerack the weight.
You never walk anywhere without flaring your lats.
You take other people?s plates because it is your heavy day, then do #19 above.
You treat people who are weaker with contempt. You talk about people who are stronger behind there back and say they are all about chems.
You try to tell me how to do ANYTHING.
You slam the weights around.
You drop the heavy dumbbells so everyone knows you were using them.
You talk to people way to long between sets.
You talk to me with my headphones on.
You are on your phone while occupying equipment.
You don?t wipe off your sweat.
You are creeping the gym girls.
You offer unsolicited advice to everyone.
If you bring a cell phone inside the weight room, EVER!
If you curl in the squat rack.
If you jump around, ?shadow-boxing?.
If you always wear MMA gear but are not training for MMA.
If you?re a bony, rail-skinny guy wearing a skin-tight under armor compression shirt.
When you take plates off you put them all in the wrong place on the rack.
You bring your toddler to the gym and don?t watch him as he walks around people who are squatting.
If you wear a lifting belt even between your sets and you wear it for every single exercise you do. (Dude, if it?s that comfortable, you?re not wearing it right or you don?t know what it?s for?or both.)
You curl while looking in the mirror and challenge everyone who walks by.
You take all the 45′s to put on the hack squat, do 1/4 reps, and scream ?this is how we do!?
You tell people deadlifts will kill them.
You load up the squat with a weight you can?t handle, get buried and swear at everyone as you leave the gym.
If you carry your cell phone in your hand between sets?you know, so you can keep your bi?s flexed at all times.
You wear a lifting belt while doing curls.
You scream ?yea buddy!? while lifting.
If, between sets, you lift your shirt up to check your abs in the mirror.
You tell me not to parallel squat, it?s bad for my knees.
If you wear a sideways ball cap, have a chin-strap beard and a duck-face while walking around with an entire a tub of Gaspari nutrition Superpump 250.
If you lift your shirt to wipe your face while trying to secretly check your abs out in the mirror and hope ladies look at them too. Here?s some news, the ladies also think you are an asshole for doing this.
If you wear too much hair gel and style your hair in a faux hawk.
If you?re a chick and you think I am trying to hit on you by asking you if you are using the plyo box. No you stuck up skank, I just want to use the damn plyo box.
If you run off and talk to your buddies for 10 minutes between sets.
If you check out every woman in the gym like you haven?t been laid in three years.
If you walk up to me and tell me about proper form. Shut up, you squat on the smith machine.
If you ignore the unspoken rule ?If my headphones are in leave me alone?.
If after finding out how much someone lifts, call it x, you say ?I knew who did x+50 lbs?.
If you ask someone how they got big and only want to hear about what supplements they take.
If you do a 5 station circuit and they all include a different piece of equipment .
When you ask how many sets I have left? when I am in the middle of a set.
You stop me in the middle of a set of lateral raises to inform me on how to correctly perform them in order to hit my lats fully.
After being in the gym for a whole week, you give power tips to a man who benches 2.5 times what you squat.
If you do bounce presses instead of bench presses.
You scream like you are giving birth to a full grown wildebeest while doing 1/8th squats with 3 plates.
If you think fullbody routines are for the first two weeks only, then it?s Ronnie Coleman time.
You don?t unload the bar when you are finished.
You use the GHR machine for sit ups.
You hock a loogie in the water fountain.
You use a randomly placed water-bottle to drink from.
You walk really really close to someone that does deadlifts or cleans.
You pick up random towels to wipe your butt sweat off the bench.
I don?t care if there are two water fountains in the gym, you?re a douchebag if you get real close to me on the lower water fountain so the back of your head is real close to the fountain on one. Those of you in commercial gyms know what I?m talking about.
You train with 4 of your buddies who sit on surrounding equipment while one of their friends does a half assed fucking set while giggling and gossiping like a fucking sewing circle. Fuck you.
Your training split/routine doesn?t include legs.
If you feel that spotting me on bench involves your sack in my face. Really, dude?
If you bench using the smith machine.
If you jerk the weight with deadlifts, almost injuring yourself.
You move on to incline bench press and it?s too much so you need a spotter and ALSO lift you hips two feet off the bench.
You talk with your buddies about how you heard having a woman sit on your lap while you bench can increase your strength and testosterone by 90%.
You take weights from my bench press racks WHILE I?m in the middle of a bench press set!
You scream ?light weight? before every set.
Your spotter deadlifts while you ?bench press?.
Trying to power clean in the smith machine. I need Darwin?s law to come into effect here, and yes, I saw it last night.
Squatting on an upside down bosu ball.
You refuse to eat anything but chicken, brown rice, and broccoli and proclaim to be the nutritional guru to all your ?friends? at the gym.
You ask me to spot you on squats, then proceed to explain your back injury to explain why you?re quarter squatting after seeing me hit depth.
You sprint to the locker room post workout to down your whey protein and dextrose shake for teh maximum gainz.
You?re supersetting and using every available squat rack.
You tell me that smith machines are better than barbells because you have a training certificate.
You ask for a spot on a hammer strength machine.
You ask for a spot on dumbbell bench.
You ask for a spot on preacher curls.
If you are a gym owner that doesn?t allow chalk.
If you are a personal trainer with 30% body fat.
If you are half-squatting 40 kg (90 lbs) that feel qualified to give unsolicited form advice while I?m in the middle of my squat session.
Someone who gets irritated by really minor shit and is surly and unapproachable because he somehow thinks he has more ownership over a publicly shared space because he?s a Serious Trainer and know what The Rules are.
People who turn the gym music up so loud that it?s like training in a gay nightclub.
You walk around giving unsolicited advice to people bigger and stronger than you.
You drop your pants and begin showing a woman your cut up legs even though she has repeatedly told you she doesn?t want to see them.
I will admit that I have been asked not to drop dumbells, but in my defense when your pushing heavy weight to failure it's safer to let them drop a few inches rather than have your shoulder ripped or get flung off the bench
I don't always punch babies, but when I do they had it coming
Oh and where is the part about having horrible BO and the refusal to wear deoderant. And the creepy old guy who works out with an open jacket with no shirt on while wearing a wearing a dirty towel on his head
I don't always punch babies, but when I do they had it coming