Harmless flirting gone wrong - advice

[ponyboy]

Okay, here's the scoop:

Talking to a female friend of mine on IM and talking about going to dinner over the next couple of weeks because haven't seen her in a while. She is engaged, but her fiance lives in California. We flirt with each other a lot but have known each other for ten years and are close friends but that is it. We always chat and flirt over messenger.

Anyway, I can tell something is wrong so I fire a line at her saying that I can make her feel better just like the last time I saw her (joking). Tell her just to wait until I see her and I'll make everything all better.

Apparantly her fiance was actually in town (unknown to me - she didn't say anything) and happened to walk into the room just as that message popped up. He flipped out and accused her of cheating, etc while he isn't there.

Can I do anything to make this better? Besides confronting the guy directly and telling him how it didn't mean anything?

 

[I Are Baboon]

Example #6,347 of why online flirting is a bad idea, serious or not. Sorry about your predicament, Ponyboy. Keep in mind you are not completely to blame here. Your IM friend, whoever it is, shouldn't be flirting back if she is involved with someone. There is no such thing as harmelss flirting.

 

[ZECH]

Originally posted by I Are Baboon
There is no such thing as harmelss flirting.

You really don't think so?? I think a male and female can be best of friends without any sexual ties. But being friends and flirting are different.

 

[HoldDaMayo]

I'd say... harmless flirting is ok between two single people... hell even 2 people with boyfriends/girlfriends... but married people? no... I don't think it's all that cool...

 

[I Are Baboon]

Originally posted by dg806
You really don't think so?? I think a male and female can be best of friends without any sexual ties. But being friends and flirting are different.

Sure men and women can be friends without sexual ties. But flirting is a form of sexual expression. I have plenty of women friends I don't flirt with.

If I had a nickel for every time someone's online flirting with other members here got them into real trouble, I'd have like fifty cents or something.

 

[Crono1000]

ponyboy how could you bring our relationship out into the open like this

just kidding

yes IM has been the birthplace of many a online relationship troubles. I guess that knowledge is the benefit from being a long term member, you see people and relationships come and go. Sad really, I wish we could all just get along

 

[greekblondechic]

I think you should talk to the guy directly since obviously you don't want to break off a long term friendship and I believe it would be the most respectful thing to do.

 

[HoldDaMayo]

I concur!

 

[ponyboy]

I understand, but how? Plus, if I were him I'd be the last person I'd want to speak to. I actually feel quite badly about the whole thing.

 

[Rissole]

I think you should go and smash him one and then have your way with her

 

[ponyboy]

Ris, you're always the voice of reason .

Actually, she is quite hot. Maybe that's an option.

 

[J'Bo]

ponyboy...personally i dont really think that you feel bad about it because you just typed a flirt again...i have learnt from experience type things that you would say if your sig other was standing behind you reading ONLY. otherwise your up shits creek.

 

[nikegurl]

Originally posted by Crono1000
ponyboy how could you bring our relationship out into the open like this

just kidding

yes IM has been the birthplace of many a online relationship troubles. I guess that knowledge is the benefit from being a long term member, you see people and relationships come and go. Sad really, I wish we could all just get along

not that it matters but I THINK when ponyboy said IM he meant instant messenger and not ironmagforums. (i'm only mentioning it so we don't lose sleep trying to figure out who the woman is. )

 

[Rissole]

Originally posted by nikegurl
not that it matters but I THINK when ponyboy said IM he meant instant messenger and not ironmagforums. (i'm only mentioning it so we don't lose sleep trying to figure out who the woman is. )

So it's you NG!!

 

[Crono1000]

oooooooooooooh ok, that makes more sense. I was biting my tongue trying not to be the first to ask who it is.

 

[ponyboy]

Yes it was instant messenger.

I just called her to see what I could do but she wasn't home or not answering the phone.

Although the more I think about it, really it's not my problem. If she was flirting with me (and she was) like J'Bo said its her problem, not mine. She shouldn't have been so dumb as to be doing that when she knew he was around and could walk in. Or she should have cut me off when I made the first comment.

 

[nikegurl]

Originally posted by Rissole
So it's you NG!!

don't be silly riss. i never get caught.

 

[J'Bo]

Pony...apparently you dont care too much about this girl just by the way you are talking. honestly you sound like an ass IMO. hiding something would make flirting better?

 

[ponyboy]

Originally posted by J'Bo
Pony...apparently you dont care too much about this girl just by the way you are talking. honestly you sound like an ass IMO. hiding something would make flirting better?

I never said that. I just said she should be accountable for her actions just like I should. I however have nothing to lose because I'm not the one in a relationship - and the whole thing was meant to be harmless in the first place.

And you can leave the name calling out of your comments (IMO).

 

[Vieope]

A female that is your "friend", you were flirting with her and you have no interest.
IMO.. it´s hard to believe.

Is that true ?

 

[QuestionGuy]

i agree with VIEOPE, anyway man, can you say bad timing to send a message like that?????
plus man, thats a tought thing, if she was flirting with you like that she was obviously not ready for marrige, I do flirt with some girls sometimes just because it feel so good and it's fun, but i would never ever touch or go any step beyond that.... still if i think about my girfriend doing the same it just makes me sick, i know its not right but thats just how i feel.........

 

[J'Bo]

Originally posted by ponyboy
I never said that. I just said she should be accountable for her actions just like I should. I however have nothing to lose because I'm not the one in a relationship - and the whole thing was meant to be harmless in the first place.

And you can leave the name calling out of your comments (IMO).

you are actually the one that called her dumb

doesnt sound too harmless in her case cause she is up shits creek now and you are here calling her dumb.

 

[QuestionGuy]

common people in some way i can understand that guy, i mean he thinks she is hot, he doesnt have a gifriend so he is a freeman, but in her case she is engaged for god sakes!!!!! that means it is kind of her fault.....

 

[I Are Baboon]

Originally posted by nikegurl
not that it matters but I THINK when ponyboy said IM he meant instant messenger and not ironmagforums. (i'm only mentioning it so we don't lose sleep trying to figure out who the woman is. )

Well that makes sense, although ironmagazine has had it's share of drama among members.

 

[ponyboy]

Originally posted by J'Bo
you are actually the one that called her dumb

doesnt sound too harmless in her case cause she is up shits creek now and you are here calling her dumb.

Like right now.

 

[Rissole]

Originally posted by nikegurl
don't be silly riss. i never get caught.

 

[Crono1000]

I kinda agree with Question

 

[BUSTINOUT]

Originally posted by ponyboy

She shouldn't have been so dumb as to be doing that when she knew he was around and could walk in. Or she should have cut me off when I made the first comment.

Don't be passing blame bud. Sorry to hear about your situation. I would do everything I could to clear it up. If I were him, I'd be pissed too, but just cowboy up and do what you can to clear it up. All you can do is make the effort to clear it up. you have to control how he accepts it, but that is no reason why you should not make the effort.

My thoughts on flirting...

Single...that's fine. If you are seeing someone, be very careful. It is a very easy line to cross. Like J'bo said, say only what you would say if they were standing there. That is just simple respect. Good luck buddy, but I'd try to clear it up with him. Hell, send her an email that she can pass along if all else fails.