JAMIE LEIGH NUDE PHOTOGRAPH/JOURNAL EXHIBITION *Breast Cancer Awareness, Concern*

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    Lightbulb JAMIE LEIGH NUDE PHOTOGRAPH/JOURNAL EXHIBITION *Breast Cancer Awareness, Concern*

    I went through two operations thus far in my short 22 years, both were breast reductions, with one I developed a horrible infection resulting in another surgery to remove more skin, etc. etc. In any sense, I am sharing the photographs below with people to inspire more women out there to be healthy and go out there and get checked, at least be aware of things involving breast cancer, MEN AS WELL, and don't wait at all. This of course goes far beyond just the health of breasts, for it involves the mind, the spirit, and other parts of the body as well... again, something I was never prepared for. My photographs are of me, Jamie Leigh, and on my website as well as off I have and will start a new journal detailing this, what I went through, and anything coming up... I would also be happy to answer anything here. I didn't (and still don't) have anyone with me as I go through this, so I know how important and critical it is not to feel alone in this which I did and so many do... why hide it? So please, understand why I am sharing them and take care of yourself and make the best choices.

    Thank You...
    XO
    Jamie Leigh
    The Official Jamie Leigh Website
    http://www.jamieleigh.net
    My Personal Email For ANY QUESTIONS AT ALL, please feel free: jamieleighdotnet@hotmail.com
    ON AIM NOW: LostInHumanity

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    Jamie Leigh

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    Write me at jamieleighdotnet@hotmail.com

    "Nothing gives me more pleasure now than being able to love and help those in our society who are vulnerable. If I can contribute a little something, then I am more than content."

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    Jamie Leigh

    http://www.jamieleigh.net

    Write me at jamieleighdotnet@hotmail.com

    "Nothing gives me more pleasure now than being able to love and help those in our society who are vulnerable. If I can contribute a little something, then I am more than content."

    http://www.jamieleigh.net/new2.jpg

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    5.12.04




    Tonight dear void, I will perhaps be writing about and sharing the most significant thing, thoughts, photographs, insights, and above all, unabridged truths than ever before, at least in the past few weeks. What I am about to open up about is something intended to bring not only awareness to anyone who may be reading this, but to the millions of people around this world, a world in pain and constant destruction, a motive and plan I have personally begun to notice the layers unveil themselves one by one of. This world is in screaming pain, and if the current images blazing across television monitors around the globe and on the cover of printed papers in the press are any indication of what is happening here, then it's safe to say that we are in greater trouble and isolation than ever. I can personally stand up for what it means to be isolated, in fact I've made a sport of out it and remaining as elusive as possible until things change for the better and I can give of myself as I've always known and dreamed that I've been meant for. Silence is the killer, yet because those who have felt they refused to be in silence no longer have taken the violent route to be heard as opposed to the peaceful route, we are now living in a lynching of humanity, pure and simple... at least that's how I characterize it. Beaheadings? Is this some sort of a living nightmare that we are in? Are we going to start bringing in the guillotines like they had in 18th century France? It can't just be me. How can this be possible that when I walked through those haunted and chilling rooms in the wax museums that I so love and admire and find sanctuary in, that those heads up on a stick that seemed so inhumane and terrorizing are now more accurate in terms of what we think of eachother? Have we truly learned nothing of those who have done things in the name of peace and celebration of difference and not segregation? Living in a bubble is perfectly fine, in fact I choose that and will continue to choose that no matter how universal or large my ambition. I love being private, it's when I think and create best. Naive? I am. Blind? Perhaps. Weak and afraid to lift even the smallest of fingers to try to make some sort of a thumbprint in the name of compassion and lost peace... fuck no. A personal plan of mine, but even more importantly, a purpose and genuine concern and realization. Without continuing to flubber through additional words I will save what is truly important for the next entry in this diary, lord knows I can ramble on an on when you've got a heart instead of a brain that has spoken for you ever since you entered this world. Please be certain to be here, this is something that must be seen and I pray and hope you will join me here later on this evening. There is only so much reading and book finishing one can do while sitting in the sun with skin becoming perhaps darker than I've ever seen on myself before things start to slowly add up like some invisible set of staircases to the sky. This isn't something you mess up on. This must be perfection in it's direct intent, even though of course as always, the judgments and thoughts that the human mind will take on something no matter how simple or pure it is are inevitable, it's a least worth a shot in my book. No matter how turned off, appalled, freaked out (that one is my favorite for obvious reasons) or laughed at what I do might appear, it's not worth keeping hidden, never was. Better to have done it and been shouted upon than not to have done it at all right? I know I've said this a million times, and I know I may be cynical in saying it especially considering my own personal pain is seeping out of this LABYRINTH like blood dripping off of a table, but I'll say it again...

    When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. How more evident can that be made and seen than with what's happening right now... to me, to this world, to humanity. Humanity is in a state of emergency. And as someone who dreams of being a humanitarian, and some sort a hope or ambassador for compassion and healing that we so desperately need, this is like yet another knife stabbing me from behind. The only problem is, most knives up to this point I have seen in plain view right in front of me when they went in, these are much more obscure. Think of the white dove. That is the only symbol that this world needs to be broadcasting coast to coast this very moment as I write this - the only one.

    How can anything else be more powerful than peace? Perhaps it's the fear of peace that is really doing the true killing right now... in my lost mind and broken heart folks, it is.

    I asked this to a few people the other day and keep repeating it to myself. How does one start a career occupation as a humanitarian leader and travel the world in the name of healing? What sorts of references or papers must I fill out for something like that? Come to think of it, I have no one who could properly vouch for me who fully understands me, perhaps at one point, but in the end heartbreakingly not so. So, thus again, the outcast and lonely hunter. But, they write about me and say I have multiple personalities anyhow, so how can I truly ever be alone right? Silly what some people will believe when they don't understand something. I am left handed, yet I can't seem to make sense of anything I've actually handwritten over the last two years or so, it's all such jibberish and insanity lost within some riddle. Is it alright if I myself can be counted in among those in need? I am not in my best form now as I once was, and that is seemingly snowballing downward as I write this faster than ever before, but I'll just have to pray that won't get in the way. It can't. I may be devastated, but I'm still me, just a far weaker version. Once I do start my travels and of course document everything good and bad, the pleasures and unbearable pains, is it alright that unlike those who came before me who cared so deeply and gave so much of themselves no matter what the world thrashed in their face, I have little to nothing of my own to start upon, not even a place to call a home? No paper that most call money, no family that I didn't have to create on my own? I hope so. If so, I'm ready since yesterday to go.

    Peace and Love... xojl

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    5.10.04

    Time is too slow for those who wait,
    too swift for those who fear,
    too long for those who grieve,
    too short for those who rejoice
    but for those who love, time is eternity.

    Uploading nude photograph exhibit, "The Life And Death Of Compassion". A brutally honest series of current intimate images captured communicating both physical,mental, and spiritual pain - flaws and all. From birth to momentary life, and then to death. Available tonight... (password protected viewing only)

    * WARNING: THE IMAGES AND PHOTOGRAPHES CAPTURED BELOW ARE OF ME, AND ALTHOUGH THE BEAUTY OF THE HUMAN BODY AND IT'S FORM IS SOMETHING UNIMAGINABLE, THE FOLLOWING IMAGES I SHOT OF MYSELF MAY OR MAY NOT BE GRAPHIC FOR SOME TO VIEW. IF SO, PLEASE SIMPLY OVERLOOK THEM, BUT DO READ THE WORDS AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND THE MESSAGE AND PURPOSE OF WHY I SHARED THESE WITH YOU ALL HERE, FANS OF FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION, AND HOPEFULLY OF AN APPRECIATION OF SOMEONE ELSE, EVEN IF A STRANGER, ME, HER PAIN IN HER HEART, LIFE, AND CONTINUED STRUGGLE. THIS IS PAIN FOLKS, THIS IS WHAT THE WORLD WILL NEVER PREPARE YOU FOR, NOR I, THUS MY MISSION.

    AND YES FOLKS, I AM DOING THIS, SHOWING ME TO YOU OUT THERE, STRANGERS TO WAKE YOU ALL UP... DON'T WAIT - PERIOD... Please, look at me, be freaked out, grossed out, cover your eyes and thank the heavens you don't have to feel this, but please after that, CALL AND GET YOURSELF OUT THERE. It's all I ask and why I am doing this...

    The Purpose: I wanted to first state that the images here I have not even made available to my own readers and visitors at my website yet - when and if I do, it will only be through a password protected page, or email newsletter which once you get to my site you are welcomed to sign up on, or simply write to me and let me know your name, your story, your history, anything in your heart, at my personal email: jamieleighdotnet@hotmail.com.

    I want to say that you readers, fans, have my full permission if you have websites of your own, if you have message forums you frequent often, or even if you see a friend tomorrow and can pass along these images, these words, the message, etc. The importance in my doing this goes far beyond my own personal pain now... it branches out into the world in the sense that when I was going through this, and what I am going through now, I had no one at all to talk to, to be comforted by, to have love given, so essentially, my own love and need for compassion, reversed, and was magnified. Ever since I was born though I've felt it... the love of helping others in pain, who are vulnerable, misunderstood, you name it. Being on my own now and going through this is a moment I anticipate a phone call...a letter (mailing address here: http://www.jamieleigh.net/bye.html) or a naive dream of a miracle in which I can be freed from the current prison I am in, despite my hardest efforts, and truly start my life, and my mission, to be a humanitarian, simply someone who travels the world trying all she can to help and heal... not having it or perhaps tasting it no matter how genuine is of course a catalyst, however when you are born will the feeling you are destined for bigger things in life, incredible abnormal things as I have always felt, you know it from day one. So, with those prayers said out loud, waiting for a miracle, I have put together the following pictures for you all to view. I would love to talk out more on this, but I need the chance, the opportunity, so anything anyone can do, please do not hesitate to reach me, I will be waiting with an open heart in anticipation. Please view them with an open heart, mind, and spirit and as I said, do not hesistate to share these, spread them around, do all you can to provoke the idea of the current pains that millions are fighting day to day (especially now in these times of ruthless war and human catastrophe) - I need your help and support, and love. I may get far, but as my situation now shows, without you, without you telling someone else, without your writing to me, picking up a telephone, calling a loved one in pain, nothing will ever come of this. Until then, I will continue to cry for what's going on not only to me, but in this world... I am certain it sounds more than cheesy or cliche' to some, but if you read the words within my diary at my website, and here, or speak with me one on one (which I welcome...) I will tell you the details that make this seemingly small little mission and crusade of mine, a truly universal one at heart. It just needs to be done... and if not, I'm done, I'm done.

    THE PHOTOGRAPHS: URL and website logo of course added for copywrite protection, although please feel free to disperse these on message forums, Madonna related or not... the key is awareness, and clearly I've got nothing to hide, nor should the millions of others. Thank you for your consideration. It would be wonderful if we could keep this bumped for others or new people coming in as the tour gets closer to have the chance to view it. Of course, they will all be archived at my site, and as I sit here, in the flesh, so as long as I'm still breathing, you need it - I've got it. There is no doubt in my mind I will need another surgery to take off extra skin that has come back, but now obviously, I have no money at all, and things of higher priority such as my freedom, finding a niche, a home, etc. must take focus, so this will have to wait... To Clarify One Thing: Several people noticed the red string I wear on my left wrist. I am certain (especially considering I am an admirer of Madonna as well...) many of her fans will automatically assume it's relation to the study of Kaballah (sp?) ACTUALLY, it's not at all... in fact, I have been wearing my humble little red string for nearly 7 years now, long before I even knew of the concept of personal spirituality. I am not a religious person in any way, nor do I believe in one right or wrong. I believe period. I welcome and love learning about all religions I can of course, but for me, it's love, belief, and understanding that I year for... compassion of course as well no matter what creed, race, religion or geographic location. In any case, as a lover of animals, and someone who feels so much pain not only in them, but in the kids eyes that I have seen visiting institutions, hospitals, shelters, etc. I wear the red string as a reminder of them, their current suffering, their pain, and my mission to do all I can in my power to help them while I am alive. So, just to throw in a small tid bit. I never take that string off, and obviously, found it incredibly ironic when I started hearing the Hollywood buzz around it (since I don't watch television or pay attention to media...) a close friend of mine (Mr. Michael Jackson, no, not the celebrity, the humanitarian, and the caring and kind human being who gives of themselves to the world and to charities that I to hold of equal value and close to my heart) and myself share in the commonality of doing all we can to heal the worlds suffering, for me the animals hold such a dear place in my heart, but children, those lost, in pain, etc. are the ones I feel I am with everytime I wear it... This way even if I am crumbling right now, they are still with me, no matter how small and I'll continue to fight until I'm unable to. The animals in the world, the kids, they are my adopted family, so thus the string.

    I have run out of sleeping pills so tonight will prove hard, but tomorrow I will be certain to get a new bottle. Until this phase is over, these are all I've got to pass away and close off what would be an infinite amount of pain and just tears, so the sooner the phase is over, the sooner I can stop. If not, than not. I've got to be up by 4:00 once again before the sun rises to head into the world of conforming and robotic movement. I won't be there of course, but my ghost will. This is truth, I am a ghost now, in more ways that perhaps I could ever accurately explain through the limits of words. There is simply to much emotion and feeling to even begin to full translate what's happened to me. So, the ghost is now present. It's all that is still alive at this point as the other layers have all died and seen their passing.

    This is what I am listening to as I fall asleep. I've seen it several times now already, and will continue to see it many more I am sure. The story is a simple one, yet one with which everyone should watch if they ever get the chance to. I haven't stopped. The time lapse between documentaries is staggering, and still, the person, the heart, the child that lives within each of us, never buckles or bends to the pressures of the outside judgemental world. If that isn't an inspiration than I don't know what is. It's 1:16 now, I popped the sp's now over a half hour ago, this must be some sort of a record. The day is done, gone the sun, I'll see you in nearly 5 short hours. Please don't left my bad left leg hurt and be in so much pain as it was the last few days.

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    Jamie Leigh Posted Within The Woods Of New Jersey ; LETTERS FROM YOU / EDITORIALS ; Join The JL Mailing List For Exclusives ; AOL IM at handle: xAnAmericanGrrlx ; The Official Jamie Leigh Fanclub ; [ CAFE SHOP AND STORE. Please support and help spread the word and messages behind them. ] ; Wishlist
    Jamie Leigh

    http://www.jamieleigh.net

    Write me at jamieleighdotnet@hotmail.com

    "Nothing gives me more pleasure now than being able to love and help those in our society who are vulnerable. If I can contribute a little something, then I am more than content."

    http://www.jamieleigh.net/new2.jpg

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    Your a great writer. Will you be putting everything off of LABYRINTH on here?(IE: journal entries?) You have a PM btw.
    P-side Inc.

    "the post-workout high is more profound than any drug-induced rush imaginable." -Dante B.

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    Thumbs up

    WOW

    I admire your....um i cant thinka the word, "forwardness" and getting awareness out!
    "Love to be real, it must cost- it must hurt- it must empty us of self."
    - Mother Teresa

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    Beautiful pics and beautiful heart
    I can do it

    I WILL be a size 5.

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    Smile

    PreMier, not everything, but things will go along with anything health/body related so I make certain to follow the rules of this forums main intent... ;-) But I will be sharing a lot yes, I will write a lot here free form like a journal and not put it into LABYRINTH so be sure to read and check here... a little bonus I suppose for those here. I will check my PM definitly my friend.

    And thank you all for what you said, I am humbled. I care so much so all of this is in an effort to just do what I can to help. I was actually talking on the phone last night with a friend out in Canada about how I want to put together a documentary and travel around the world, literally, in the name of healing much like Lady Diana did sadly before she was killed. Unlike her though, this won't be a celeb-cause like Angelina Jolie, or even Di, because I am not a celebrity by any means, I am just little Jamie Leigh from New Jersey with a website that seemingly struck a chord and more and more people starting getting interested, however not one that pays me in any way in order to support myself (aside from money in terms of inspiring others which is worth more than anything else) who cares for this world and those are the vulnerable and in pain (myself included) and feel there is no strong voice to lead or bring some much needed attention to what's happening now, it's be silenced. So, what do I do? Approach the red cross, the bbc, construct this insane mission of mine that I dream of embarking upon and ask them to fund me? Of course of course... because I mean it and I will stop at nothing. I'm just so unsure of how to begin, thus the hardest part, and doing this alone is that much more difficult, but it won't stop me. So at a critical point now, I'm reading so much, but I'm ready for this so... stick around here and you'll see what happens, as well as within LABYRINTH.

    Think of the Taj Majal, with one little naive yet determined girl sitting in front of it totally alone in a world of riddles and fantasy and heart... welcome to my world.

    Jamie Leigh

    http://www.jamieleigh.net

    Write me at jamieleighdotnet@hotmail.com

    "Nothing gives me more pleasure now than being able to love and help those in our society who are vulnerable. If I can contribute a little something, then I am more than content."

    http://www.jamieleigh.net/new2.jpg

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    May 17th 9:07 am

    Good morning world, all, dear void.

    As I sit here today I am thinking about a book I read perhaps longer than I should have in the store last night. I left the house and went out because the sun was still warm and I knew by escaping I would have a few more hours to myself for thought and again, contemplation at my continuing humanitarian dreams and efforts, and as stranger as this certaintly will sound, my mission in life.

    It's funny. I've always felt like a fish out of water in this world, but I think perhaps that feeling is something that is preparing me for the road ahead. Essentially, any strong spirits in history have always been considered freaks, outkasts, or some sort of oddity amongst the people who saw them from a distance. That has never been alien to me. Actually I must confess, being a recluse and alone now during these hard times is something that I am grateful for. I am sure that will change in time, but maybe knowing that I can just cry myself to sleep because of whats happening right now in this world in quiet behind a wooden door is comforting.

    I sat and flipped through Newsweek, and US News magazines I believe while I was in the store. The image of one of the Iraqui man with his hands outstretched like Jesus with what looked to me like a KKK hat, just turned my stomach. In fact everything that is happening right now is turning my stomach. Maybe it's because for me, I see evil as something that human beings, not one race, not one culture, not one religion, or even one mindset CHOOSE to become because they have lost all hope and are just looking for answers in the wrong places. I don't know, I am to naive I am certain to even being to understand what's happening. I will say this though. As someone who speaks with her heart and virtually lives a life of open emotion and concern, what is happening right now in this world to me is beyond painful, beyond scary, and beyond sad. I cried as I flipped through the pages, not out loud of course because there was an old man sitting across from me and I truly wasn't in any mood to make any noise. As usual, I am quiet. Solitude has become my lover, my best friend, the other piece of my broken heart that in the end hurt me so much and ran back away, and simply a guiding voice... solitude is my home, for now, although again another word I've never truly known. I've walked through palaces in London (true story) where great kings and queens stayed and still felt more isolated and alien... but again, I know that's a good thing. Great people of the past who cared so much TRULY, not because it was a political game or some pr celebrity cause, but TRULY CARED and wanted to help heal and bring some magic to kids who are in these worn torn places, were always on their own for the most of their lives. That's simply how it must be. How they finally got started is something I need to know now more than ever. I think I wrote this before. How does one start an occupation as a humanitarian and world leader for love, hope, peace, and maybe just escapism? I am not destined to be a singer, an actress (although playing a part has never been something I haven't been able to achieve when the time was necessary) - I am destined to help in any way I can, and give of myself, no matter how tiny, and make some sort of a thumprint, no matter how eccentric, strange, or small.
    Jamie Leigh

    http://www.jamieleigh.net

    Write me at jamieleighdotnet@hotmail.com

    "Nothing gives me more pleasure now than being able to love and help those in our society who are vulnerable. If I can contribute a little something, then I am more than content."

    http://www.jamieleigh.net/new2.jpg

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    9:24 am

    I can't be the only one who is feeling the sickness and blackness of what's happened to this world. Again, what's being broadcast is always (and I hate to say it like this) the tip of the iceberg in the sense that whatever can evoke the most emotion, controversy, confusion, or uproar, goes straight to the eyes and ears and sadly in my case, hearts of those who are on the other end.

    This is not simply an observer account. I have had people emailing me letters from Iraq who are over there "fighting" for months now, ever since I tuned in months back and saw those bright neon green lights showcasing the explosions. My heart stopped, and again, I got angry at myself because it's not enough to just sit there and turn your head, shut off the television, and go about your life. Millions do, but I can't, I never could.

    We have gotten to a point where everything is so sad, so dark, so scary, that the only way that we (and when I say we I mean HUMAN BEINGS) know how to dig ourselves out of confusion, is through violence and redeption... Sadly, I don't think there will ever be a time where no matter what the difference, what the objection, what the argument, all resolutions will be agreed upon through talks, chats, peace, games, etc. it's just not going to happen, and it hurts me to say that. BUT, that doesn't mean I won't try my hardest to make sure at least some of this darkness sees patches of light as long as it still CAN SEE...

    You know, as I was sitting in the store the other day and just reading, flipping through books, I always go for the glossy pages for the pictures first, I know lots of people are like this, I again picked up another book that Princess Diana's former "rock" wrote after she had died. There was a lot in that book that made me think, that made me realize just how fleeting time is and how once something bad happens, seemingly all people have to hang onto are what you left behind during the time you were hear. In her case, it was a lot of letters, A LOT OF LETTERS, a lot of personal little nik naks, and a lot symbols of times or things or people whom had touched her. I am very much like that in the sense that no matter how badly I may be hurting inside right now in my heart, and fighting so hard to finally know freedom, I am clinging onto photographs of people whom even if they are gone now and moved on with their life, at one point offered me some compassion, understanding, or love... because it means the world to me. The smallest things do, and I don't need an epic tragedy or event to realize that. Again, I am certain this will all come across as pure idealistic fantasy, some naive little 22 year old in New Jersey now finding comfort and understanding from a woman who has since taken her trip to her next life which sadly had to end so harshly... but, it's the truth. When you have never known the true concept of family, your instincts gravitate and force you to approach and treasure everything you come across and step into as something you choose to hold dear and value like a nothing else. It's also I think why helping animals, and dreaming of building the worlds biggest sanctuary where I can just invite all the dogs and aniamls in the streets to come and live is something that never seems anything short of a perfectly attainable reality... Noah's Ark for me is something that I find sanctuary in, seeing kinds in hospitals and bringing little Mickey Mouses' for them to smile and play, seeing dogs in those rusted cages with red dots signaling they are to be killed by noon and DOING ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING I can to never allow that to happen no matter how silly or out of it I seem, is what I know I am meant to do.


    I am about to put up some photographs at my website -> http://www.jamieleigh.net showing the pictures of my chest after the surgeries. No big deal at all for me... in fact, I forget they are even there. They should go up tonight, I must work hard to make sure I do it... I will take a bit of a break now.


    If you love someone, call them and tell that TODAY... don't wait, write them a letter EVEN IF YOU KNOW IN YOUR HEART THEY WILL NEVER WRITE YOU BACK nor acknowledge they got your letter or words, do it anyhow.... it may not be a catharsis and you may not hear some angel humming above your head when you do something so out of the ordinary like that, but I think for me, those small things are the things that we are lacking right now, now then things are so scary... I think it would be nice and they will smile... just please, don't expect anything in return. I have always believed that silence is one of the best blessings you can get when someone has gotten your words because it means they tooks them straight to heart and not to mouth where words simply would get in the way....


    I'll be back...


    xo
    jamie leigh
    Jamie Leigh

    http://www.jamieleigh.net

    Write me at jamieleighdotnet@hotmail.com

    "Nothing gives me more pleasure now than being able to love and help those in our society who are vulnerable. If I can contribute a little something, then I am more than content."

    http://www.jamieleigh.net/new2.jpg

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    May 18 7:46 am

    This morning I am barely here. I feel like a zombie.
    Jamie Leigh

    http://www.jamieleigh.net

    Write me at jamieleighdotnet@hotmail.com

    "Nothing gives me more pleasure now than being able to love and help those in our society who are vulnerable. If I can contribute a little something, then I am more than content."

    http://www.jamieleigh.net/new2.jpg

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    It's SPREADING

    It may not be NEW HERE to you all, but to THEM it is...

    It's a good thing that more are picking it up and spreading it...

    AGAIN, PLEASE FREE FREE FOR YOU TO DO THE SAME IF YOU HAVE A LIVEJOURNAL/WEBSITE/FORUM OF YOUR OWN, ETC. All it takes is a simple thank...

    http://www.britneytoday.com/pictures/jamie_leigh/

    The journal will of course continue...

    xo
    With Love, a truly long day. I am so tired, so much work has been done today, but there is still much more to go.

    Jamie Leigh
    Jamie Leigh

    http://www.jamieleigh.net

    Write me at jamieleighdotnet@hotmail.com

    "Nothing gives me more pleasure now than being able to love and help those in our society who are vulnerable. If I can contribute a little something, then I am more than content."

    http://www.jamieleigh.net/new2.jpg

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    Question The Current State Of This World

    The Current State Of This World

    (Taken from my open editorials and letters section, if you'd like to read more of them you are of course more than welcomed to at: http://www.jamieleigh.net/editorial.html)

    Good morning world, all, dear void.

    As I sit here today I am thinking about a book I read perhaps longer than I should have in the store last night. I left the house and went out because the sun was still warm and I knew by escaping I would have a few more hours to myself for thought and again, contemplation at my continuing humanitarian dreams and efforts, and as I am certain stranger as this certaintly will sound, my mission in life.

    It's funny. I've always felt like a fish out of water in this world, but I think perhaps that feeling is something that is preparing me for the road ahead. Essentially, any strong spirits in history have always been considered freaks, outkasts, or some sort of oddity amongst the people who saw them from a distance. That has never been alien to me. Actually I must confess, being a recluse and alone now during these hard times is something that I am grateful for. I am sure that will change in time, but maybe knowing that I can just cry myself to sleep because of whats happening right now in this world in quiet behind a wooden door is comforting.

    I sat and flipped through Newsweek, and US News magazines I believe while I was in the store. The image of one of the men with his hands outstretched like Jesus with what looked to me like a KKK hat, just turned my stomach. In fact everything that is happening right now is turning my stomach. Maybe it's because for me, I see evil as something that human beings, not one race, not one culture, not one religion, or even one mindset CHOOSE to become because they have lost all hope and are just looking for answers in the wrong places. I don't know, I am to naive I am certain to even being to understand what's happening. I will say this though. As someone who speaks with her heart and virtually lives a life of open emotion and concern, what is happening right now in this world to me is beyond painful, beyond scary, and beyond sad. I cried as I flipped through the pages, not out loud of course because there was an old man sitting across from me and I truly wasn't in any mood to make any noise. As usual, I am quiet. Solitude has become my lover, my best friend, the other piece of my heart that died and laid itself to rest but continues to burn beyond human belief, and simply a guiding voice... solitude is my home, for now, although again another word I've never truly known. I've walked through palaces in London (true story) where great kings and queens stayed and still felt more isolated and alien... but again, I know that's a good thing. Great people of the past who cared so much TRULY, not because it was a political game or some pr celebrity cause, but TRULY CARED and wanted to help heal and bring some magic to kids who are in these war torn places, were always on their own for the most of their lives. That's simply how it must be. How they finally got started is something I need to know now more than ever. I must know it. I read and read and read, and I admit I am finding small pebbles to hop onto for small brief moments, but it's not enough to truly set me free from this and not be afraid anymore. There is a truly tragic outline with which I am living now, I understand that, I recognize that, however in some small sense as I've said, with each day that passes I am beginning to realize that perhaps that is what I am destined for. Those who have worn these shoes before were all lonely hunters. Their stories were sad, their stories were filled with personal pain and heartbreak and emptiness, yet found within those voids the seemingly eccentric forces that allowed them to give so much of what they did have left, even if not much at all, to doing all they could to help those of others around them... to help THEM heal. Then with that being done, those personal scars and tears although always falling no matter what, retained some of their emptiness and desperation for love for themselves. Sometimes it's just not possible, and that's alright. I think if you can accept that while you are one whose compassion for those in need, those who are vulnerable, those with which you can relate and find such close sanctuary within because you yourself lacked it, seem to fade to a place where although always watching over your shoulder as a constant reminder, allow you to do the work you would born to do. I think I wrote this before. How does one start an occupation as a humanitarian and world leader for love, hope, peace, and maybe just escapism? I am not destined to be a singer, an actress (although playing a part has never been something I haven't been able to achieve when the time was necessary) - I am destined to help in any way I can, and give of myself, no matter how tiny, and make some sort of a thumbrint, no matter how eccentric, strange, or small. I am left handed so my left thumb, I'd like that most I think, it usually does the greatest deal of work.

    I can't be the only one who is feeling the sickness and blackness of what's happened to this world. Again, what's being broadcast is always (and I hate to say it like this) the tip of the iceberg in the sense that whatever can evoke the most emotion, controversy, confusion, or uproar, goes straight to the eyes and ears and sadly in my case, hearts of those who are on the other end.

    This is not simply an observer account. I have had people emailing me letters from Iraq who are over there "fighting" for months now, ever since I tuned in months back and saw those bright neon green lights showcasing the explosions. My heart stopped, and again, I got angry at myself because it's not enough to just sit there and turn your head, shut off the television, and go about your life. Millions do, but I can't, I never could.

    We have gotten to a point where everything is so sad, so dark, so scary, that the only way that we (and when I say we I mean HUMAN BEINGS) know how to dig ourselves out of confusion, is through violence and helpless redemption... There is no other way. People feel you are with them or you are this, or that. Left or right. There is another option, there have been historical accounts of this. Ghandi, those who spoke in the name of peace and shifted mountains. It's been done. It can be done again, but those with that belief are silenced, and for reasons I can understand are beyond their reach. As I have to always said and so deeply believe... there are those who move mountains in the name of what is popular or what is understood, and then there are those who move mountains in the name of what they believe and feel would bring about healing in a world filled with pain. Those are the ones who get the rocks thrown at them, those are the ones who are called the names, those are the ones who are isolated and reclusive beyond imagination, those are with whom I have found an adopted family. Those are the spirits on the sides of angels. Some are doing phenomenal things this very moment, they are, and to them I say thank you. Thank you for seeing those kids and bringing Mickey's and candy, thank you. We need you so badly and I hope to join you very soon. Please know how hard I am working and fighting. It's all I think about. Sadly however , I don't think there will ever be a time where no matter what the difference, what the objection, what the argument, all resolutions will be agreed upon through talks, chats, peace, games, etc. it's just not going to happen, and it hurts me to say that. BUT, that doesn't mean I won't try my hardest to make sure at least some of this darkness sees patches of light as long as it still CAN SEE...

    You know, as I was sitting in the store the other day and just reading, flipping through books, I always go for the glossy pages for the pictures first, I know lots of people are like this, I again picked up another book that Princess Diana's former "rock" wrote after she had died. There was a lot in that book that made me think, that made me realize just how fleeting time is and how once something bad happens, seemingly all people have to hang onto are what you left behind during the time you were hear. In her case, it was a lot of letters, A LOT OF LETTERS, a lot of personal little nik naks, and a lot symbols of times or things or people whom had touched her. I am very much like that in the sense that no matter how badly I may be hurting inside right now in my heart, and fighting so hard to finally know freedom, I am clinging onto photographs of people whom even if they are gone now and moved on with their life, at one point offered me some compassion, understanding, or love... because it means the world to me. The smallest things do, and I don't need an epic tragedy or event to realize that. Again, I am certain this will all come across as pure idealistic fantasy, some naive little 22 year old in New Jersey now finding comfort and understanding from a woman who has since taken her trip to her next life which sadly had to end so harshly... but, it's the truth. When you have never known the true concept of family, your instincts gravitate and force you to approach and treasure everything you come across and step into as something you choose to hold dear and value like a nothing else. It's also I think why helping animals, and dreaming of building the worlds biggest sanctuary where I can just invite all the dogs and animals in the streets to come and live is something that never seems anything short of a perfectly attainable reality... Noah's Ark for me is something that I find sanctuary in, seeing kinds in hospitals and bringing little Mickey's, Goofy, my favorite Figment for them to smile and play, seeing dogs in those rusted cages with red dots signaling they are to be killed by noon and DOING ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING I can to never allow that to happen no matter how silly or out of it I seem, is what I know I am meant to do. I'll never loose that image, never.

    If you love someone, call them and tell that TODAY... don't wait, write them a letter EVEN IF YOU KNOW IN YOUR HEART THEY WILL NEVER WRITE YOU BACK nor acknowledge they got your letter or words, do it anyhow.... it may not be a catharsis and you may not hear some angel humming above your head when you do something so out of the ordinary like that, but I think for me, those small things are the things that we are lacking right now, now then things are so scary... I think it would be nice and they will smile... just please, don't expect anything in return. I have always believed that silence is one of the best blessings you can get when someone has gotten your words because it means they tooks them straight to heart and not to mouth where words simply would get in the way. My sleeping pills are bound to begin properly kicking in at any moment now, thank god. It's been a long day and I must get to bed to be up by dawn again. I spoke with Money on the telephone just a short while ago for quite a long time. My left leg is still hurting me very badly, but, I have no right to complain. When it starts hurting if I am standing I just drop to the ground and collapse a bit, rest the leg. I'll be just fine. Maybe all I need is time. Maybe when I finally have my poppy field I can get a proper run and play to keep myself in shape like I should be. As usual we exchanged stories and alas, the weird alien image and figure remains the curious appeal within so many despite the pains and cries from a world I can't even recognize. I know there is the other side, but there are no proper leaders to remind people, and there must be, there must be, I'll do all I can, I promise. As I said to her and I will say again, those two towers fell, the dust settled, people stopped, they froze... they did, and then they looked in front of themselves, behind, and most importantly, finally, within. That dust cloud lifted however and "normality" returned and things became fogged all over again, but in a different sense. Now, it's a cloud sitting upon everyone once again. It's incredible. All my love to everyone out there, please, goodness knows we need it so badly right now. I can't recognize these hands, it's a sign it's time to stop for now. This will seem to come far from left field from me right now I know, but music is so powerful, especially music that does what those events we prayed we would never have to witness did that we saw...they make you freeze and look and feel. We need to feel this constantly. I believe that to be our only hope, I truly do.

    I'll be back...

    xo Jamie Leigh

    May 21, 2004

    Send Me Your Letters Or Thoughts at jamieleighdotnet@hotmail.com
    Jamie Leigh

    http://www.jamieleigh.net

    Write me at jamieleighdotnet@hotmail.com

    "Nothing gives me more pleasure now than being able to love and help those in our society who are vulnerable. If I can contribute a little something, then I am more than content."

    http://www.jamieleigh.net/new2.jpg

  13. #13
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    May 24, 2004 8:41 am







    Outside it couldn't be more dark or more muggy, thank god I flew straight inside and into a building before any real damage occured. Tanya told me that it is supposed to storm later on today, which I of course believe considering the outside view. The moment I bring back new flowers or plants it seemingly rains straight away. I wish I were in London, if the rain is anything like here in New Jersey I would have little troubles switching over. The wax museum over there is where many people are, tourists, so it would perhaps prove a bit difficult to go in peace. Maybe in time I can convince them to open it up late at night once everyone has fallen to sleep so I can walk around myself. I remember the last time I was there something haunting happened to me, never anything that is far from my path. I had seemed to step off at the wrong opening and wound up on a floor before it had opened, it was very strange. The entire room that witheld government officials, great spirits from the past, and of course with it being in England, images of the Royal Family. I was in there by myself. I remember the carpet being a deep rose color with little gold dots which I loved because gold is my favorite color of them all. I remember there being no sounds at all aside from the fan churning above making it almost eerily cold. It is quite a big room and all of the wax statues are lined up shoulder to shoulder one after the other around the circumfrence. Some of the statues, and I hate using that word, but some of the statues looked far from their actuality, many were almost uncanny. What they all have in common is the looks in their eyes - lost. Horrible dictators of wars, spiritual leaders of peace, world leaders, past presidents, Mother Teresa... such different areas of humanity and yet such similar looks or rather gazes within their eyes. It's difficult explain, it truly is.

    I remember once hearing the phrase that "the best way to dismantle a personality is to isolate it". I think that is very accurate.

    Last night I stayed up as late as I could before taking my sleeping pills and updated my new campaigns and projects and added them within LABYRINTH. One is called, "The Life And Death Of Compassion". Like everything I do, it is a project relating to humanity, and the extremes to which the element of compassion can go to before almost seemingly ending in certain tragedy. Of course it is only my opinion, but from what I have learned thus far in my life as well as seeing and witnessing it first hand through others, any who take a life of humanity and being a humanitarian are destined to live a life with a tragic ending. Why? Because any loss of a spirit whose ony purpose is to give and heal is like a knife to the stomach because they represent a hope that so few are able to present, especially when times are so troubled. I think most human beings suppose that those who offer such unique gifts in certain magnitudes will live forever. When they being to frail, break down, become ill, they are no longer viewed as a hope because the limits of time or "reality" begin to take their toll. It's amazing to me. People want so much to find that hero or that heroine to offer them some hope and never go away, yet once they begin to become brittle or cracked they continue to watch as if experiencing a car crash first hand. No matter what the cost, they want to consume and consume until their is nothing left to be taken, thus the forced belief in immortality.

    I believe in reincarnation, I do. I think that with certain people their true lives actually start once they leave this world. I think that because as I've said many many times, human nature has shown over the years that it's ability for good and bad are so critical, and yet they continue to favor the bad for it's what comes easiest. Not all of course, there are many who have proven and broken through the barriers of judgement to do good, but not enough. This was not my intent to write about this now, this morning, by god we need a little laughter yes?

    I was cleaning out this little green bag I have that I have been carrying around with me. I have I believe two Lady Diana books in it, my red walet, some candy canes (sugar tooth at all times, you know me...) my keys for the car on a long red white and blue holder, a letter I got in the postal from a publishing company saying they want to include one of my photographs in a book coming out later this year, obviously a knock off and joke as you can tell the company is only looking for a quick few bucks.

    I hope I can find my place, sooner than later. I even sent a letter to an incredibly well known, wealthy man who has his own history of wonderful charities and organizations. I sent it out of desperation. I feel anyone who has any understanding of the "field" as long as I continue to send out my letters, one after the other, eventually someone will get this, see this, what I am trying to do and bite. That's the hope at least. So, I sent it off to him, them, who knows, most likely another void. Maybe he can help show me the ropes and open some doors, why not?

    Now the hands are tired, very. This morning I almost didn't make it here. Marley was still nice and smooshy next to my bed, all cozy, but I had to leave to drive out and make it to this place by 8:00 am. Be a ghost. I had a salad the other day with grilled chicken, and I've grown to adore it and wait for it. I will get it today but I need to get some money to pay for it. Other than that, from here, I get finished around 12:45 I go back to the automobile, drive back to the house, maybe stop in quick into the bookstore to just see if there is anything new and then get Marley and rest. I have ab out 3 days lefts now and then the prison is back and the freedom is gone so I will try to soak it up as bad as possible. Then I believe another month or so until I get the free time again. I long for the day when I don't have to live in patches of freedom, counting down the days until the next gap when I can breathe. But now, I have until Thursday evening, so I should soak it up yes? I'll try. The leg isn't hurting now, I pray that lasts, no doctors were around on the weekend, so I toughed it, I still most likely will, it's alright.

    xo
    jl

    Last edited by KillerAbz; 05-24-2004 at 08:30 AM.
    Jamie Leigh

    http://www.jamieleigh.net

    Write me at jamieleighdotnet@hotmail.com

    "Nothing gives me more pleasure now than being able to love and help those in our society who are vulnerable. If I can contribute a little something, then I am more than content."

    http://www.jamieleigh.net/new2.jpg

  14. #14
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    Unhappy My Marley may be truly slipping away...

    Dear Friends...






    I know this is off topic but seeing as this is the most active forum now I thought more people might stop in to see it. I just wanted to say that my Marley (a yellow lab dog, my puppy, my entire world) may be truly slipping away right now. I write for anyone who has a dog who is loved so much and a part of the family, or one you had to put to sleep... I have no idea what happened with my little guy over here, but I came home to him lying in the grass like I've never seen before... I know some of you have gone through it, so I just wanted to say if you could just pray for my little guy that things will be alright. He is 12 years old but the energy of a pup, and has been so beautifully healthy until now (knock wood) so this has come out of no where. Of course I know, any pain, I know the right thing to do I want my Marley to be free of pain, I'll gladly take it on 40x over, but as long as he is alright I will be ok... just please think good thoughts for my little guy. He is downstairs now and I am taking him in early am tomorrow morning, so I have to get to bed early...




    Just say a little prayer that he'll be alright. I'll try to stop in an update, but of course if not it will be in my diary... I am calm which is strange and strong despite the situation I am in now, so I know I just have to remain calm... I have to be strong for my little guy... I am upstairs now because writing is the escape for me now, so I can wait a bit and just write a little and it will help me get ready to settle in to sleep before I take him in the morning... distract me you know...

    Just please keep my Marley in your hearts and prayers if you can... It would mean the world...

    This boy is all I've got and has been with me through all the bad when no one else hung around. Totally alone but as long as I had my little guy there, all was alright and worth hanging in for, and now this... :/

    I am certain many of you can relate. These little guys are our earth, our universe, they are there when we get our heart broken and have no one's shoulder to cry on, and they are there at night sleeping on your floor in a little blanket (well, I did for Marley...) - these are our babies for those who are alone.

    Give your pawed babies a special kiss tonight or today wherever you are and ask them if they could send a special healing prayer to my Marley if you could ok, maybe it will work if enough do...

    Thanks Guys... trying to be strong. I just pray my left works since it's been failing on me as of late, I need to lift Marley up and into the car, it's tough, but, I'll do it, no worries... I'll hop and get him there if I have to.

    XO
    Jamie Leigh... and Marley who is (I pray) asleep downstairs now, I will go check... then it's off to early am Hopewell, New Jersey vet... I should take the sp's now...

    Jamie Leigh

    http://www.jamieleigh.net

    Write me at jamieleighdotnet@hotmail.com

    "Nothing gives me more pleasure now than being able to love and help those in our society who are vulnerable. If I can contribute a little something, then I am more than content."

    http://www.jamieleigh.net/new2.jpg

  15. #15
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    Best of luck Jamie. I'm sure he knows you're doing all that you can to help him. I couldn't even imagine losing my pups. Let us know how everything goes.
    "I'm so terrifical, I have my own toll free numba - 1-800-UNBELIEVABLE...ooohhhh!!" Diceman

    "Why is the Rum gone??" Capt. Jack Sparrow

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