Crime Doesn't Pay

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When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked
on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police
arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor
home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man
admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the
motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle
declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd
ever had.

***
A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was
a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone
and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the
newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the
thief was arrested.

***
David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, R.I, after
allegedly knocking out an armored car driver and stealing the closest
four bags of money. It turned out they contained $800 in PENNIES,
weighed 30 pounds each, and slowed him to a stagger during his
getaway so that police officers easily jumped him from behind.

***
Drug-possession defendant Christopher Johns, on trial in March in
Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The
prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge"
in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said
Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in
court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge
discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he
required a five-minute recess to compose himself.

***
Clever drug traffickers used a propane tanker truck entering El Paso
from Mexico. They rigged it so propane gas would be released from all
of its valves while the truck concealed 6,240 pounds of marijuana.
They were clever, but not bright. They misspelled the name of the
gas company on the side of the truck.

***
Oklahoma City -Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery
of a convenience store in a district court this week when he fired
his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47,
was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager
testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the
woman of lying and then said, "I should of blown your [expletive]
head off." The defendant paused, then quickly added, "-if I'd been
the one that was there." The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton
and recommend a 30-year sentence.

***
R.C. Gaitlin, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing
their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit
neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officers
asked him for a piece of identification. Gaitlin gave them his
driver's license, they entered it into the computer, and moments
later they arrested Gaitlin because information on the screen showed
that Gaitlin was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St.
Louis, Missouri.