He is the greatest
He is the man
He is the best that you ever can
He iiiiiiiis ..
clap clap clap clap clap
["The crowd goes wild, women rips their shirt off as the bunny walks in. Multiple orgasms are heard everywhere.]
Thanks. Thank you very much.
["You are awesome, you are great, clap clap clap.."]
Ok, let´s not go nuts. Anyway, on today´s show...the peanut bottle man, the guy that is half white/half black and is racist with his left side and an amputee with alternative and exotic forms of masturbation. But before we have a special guest, Max is on the show.
["Max enters the room and everybody iiiiis..
- Hi, Max. How are you doing? Great to have you on the show.
- Thanks V, I am doing swell.
- Let´s start by your childhood, is that true you went to Disney while living in Russia? Tell us about it.
- Yes as you know I am from Russia and I lived with my twelve family members in a small apartment but they were all nice people. I was very active and I spent the whole day asking "When do we go to Disney?" "When do we go to Disney?" "When do we go to Disney?" So finally they decided to make an effort and send me to Disney.
- Was it Christmas?
- No, it was on my birthday and when I woke up everybody had a beautiful smile in their face. After drinking Vodka for breakfast and some hamburger with a familiar taste, we finally went to Disney. All the eleven family members. Damn, I was so excited.
- So what happened?
- When we got there, not Disney but a recently burned down building, my uncle told me that Disney caught on fire and would never exist again. There on the floor, there was lot of corpes that my dad told me they were mickey mouse, pluto, donald and all the gang. So they gave me a lollipop and locked me in the building for two hours. Needless to say, I got bored and never asked to go to Disney again.
- Do you usually remember this day?
- Of course, I have pictures with all my favorite characters. They actually went there one day earlier and put disney masks in all the corpes.
- Great fun. Your father told me that you had a dog, what is the story?
- Yes, Lucky the dog. It is quite a uplifting story.
- Before that let´s call our weather man Johnnny. Johnnny is on the field. Where are you Johnnny?
- As usual I am not quite sure. It seems like a S&M club, I don´t know. Everything is kind of red and all the men are wearing two pointy things on their head with some sort of tail. The weather is very hot and the walls seems like caves? Look, they are all smilling to me with big forks on their hands. I guess it is dinner time V.
- Keep us informed.
- So Lucky the dog...
- Yes, Lucky was borned from a mix of a chihuahua and a german shepherd. I went to the shelter to find a pet and after I saw those shaking legs, I new I have found it. His file had his whole story, laboratory dog and stunt double for burning ferrets in low budget movies for the animal cruelty awareness society. He ended up with me. In the next day I went to the bookstore and bought my own Dog Castration for Dummies. It was in english and I confused boiling water with cold water for bath a few times but other than that it was ok.
- Then what happened Max?
- He loved to do his games all day. The one he did by himself was to put a cord around his neck and keep hanging himself, so cute. The best game for me was "the "pick your own tail". His tail had fell off so we sent to a taxidermist and he made a a toy with it. We threw it and he went to get it.
After sometime I realized that my dog was not quite happy with his life. I can´t say why exactly so we decided to let him end it. Euthanasia for dogs. "Go lucky, go go, go lucky." He jumped from the window of our nine storey apartment and landed on his birthday cake. We sang, sang, sang, all night long. He was looking to me all the time with big red eyes of happiness.
- When did Lucky die?
- Oh no, Lucky is not dead. The same fellow that did his tail, created something called conscious taxidermy.
- I don´t know about you Max but I need to relax a little bit after this story, so it is time for..
Napping time with OD.
Somebody from the audience already have a question. Everybody got their pillow? Go!
- OD, What time is it?
- Well, according to my device that is on this bone called..
20 minutes later
- .. I might say it is 9:15 p.m
- Rawwwr. I feel great. Let´s continue Max.
- What is your job Max?
- I am sort of not working but now with Christmas arriving I got a job with Santa. Well it is in the bad children presents department, if they send a letter asking for a car I send them without the wheels, I love when they ask for a pet so I send in the mail box on november and it gets there on december, needless to say..
- Stop! So much happiness in your life I just can´t take it.
- So Max I heard you got married and you have an interesting love story to tell us..
- Yes V, I HAVE ONE! It was great because...
- Ok, that is it for today. Goodnight.