One of my favorite bits from the late great Bill Hicks:

We live in such a weird culture, man. Does anyone remember this, when Yul Bryner died, and came out with that commercial after he was dead?
“I'm Yul Bryner and I'm dead now.”

What the fuck's this guy selling? I'm all ears.

“I'm Yul Bryner and I'm dead now, because I smoked cigarettes.”

Okay, pretty scary. But they coulda done that with anyone. They coulda done it with that Jim Fixx guy, too, remember that guy, that health nut who died while jogging? I don't remember seeing his commercial!

“I'm Jim Fixx and I'm dead now. And I don't know what the fuck happened. I jogged every day, ate nothing but tofu, swam five hundred laps every morning, and I'm dead. Yul Bryner drank, smoked, and got laid every night of his life. He's dead. Shit! Yul Bryner's smokin', drinkin', girls are sitting on his cueball noggin, every night of his life! I'm running around a dewy track at dawn. And we're both fucking dead. Yul used to pass me on his way home in the morning, big long limousine, two girls blowing him, cigarette in one hand, drink in the other. One day that life is going to get to you, Yul." They're both dead.

Yeah, but what a healthy looking corpse you were, Jim. Look at the hamstrings on that corpse! Look at the sloppy grin on Yul's corpse! Yul Bryner lived his life.

Sure, he died a 78-pound stick figure, okay. There are certain drawbacks.


--Bill Hicks