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Anger Management

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  1. #1
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    Anger Management






    ANGER MANAGEMENT

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it
    out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know -- take it out on
    someone you don't know.


    I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to
    make. I found the number and dialed it.

    A man answered, saying, "Hello."

    I politely said, "Could I please speak with Robin Carter?"

    Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone
    could be so rude. I realized I had called the wrong number. I tracked down
    Robin's correct number and called her. I had accidentally transposed the
    last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided
    to call the 'wrong' number again.

    When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and
    hung up.

    I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in
    my desk drawer.

    Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd

    call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

    When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling

    would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John
    Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're
    familiar with the Caller ID program?"

    He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down.

    I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

    One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.

    Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently
    waited for.. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for that
    spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window
    so, I wrote down his number.

    A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had
    his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole,
    too.

    I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

    "Yes, it is."

    "Can you tell me where I can see it?"

    "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's
    parked right out in front."

    "What's your name?" I asked.

    "My name is Don Hansen," he said.

    "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

    "I'm home every evening after five."

    "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

    "Yes?"

    "Don, you're an asshole."

    Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had
    a problem, I had two assholes to call.

    But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.

    So, I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.

    "Hello."

    "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

    "Are you still there?" he asked.

    "Yeah," I said.

    "Stop calling me," he screamed.

    "Make me," I said.

    "Who are you?" he asked.

    "My name is Don Hansen.."

    "Yeah? Where do you live?"

    "Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black
    Beamer parked in front."

    He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying
    your prayers."

    I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."


    Then I called Asshole #2.

    "Hello?" he said.

    "Hello, asshole," I said.

    He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are...!"

    "You'll what?" I said.

    "I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.

    I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

    Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at
    1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

    Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.

    I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street.

    When I got there, I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in
    front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and the channel 13 news crew.

    NOW, I feel better............ This is Anger Management at its very best!!

  2. #2
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    True Story.



    By the way, I know your address Robert.
    Quote Originally Posted by kbm8795 View Post
    Oh, I think Americans understand that the one thing conservatives hate the most is the idea of spending American tax money on Americans. . .in America.


    Your tax money is safe. . .in Iraq.
    Total ownage.

  3. #3
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    @sshole

  4. #4
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    230_225_220_215_210_205_200_195_190_185_180
    |----|----|----|----|----|----|----|----|---|----|
    <- that way about 20 more pounds!

  5. #5
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    Lmfao!!!!!!!!

  6. #6
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    You Fibber

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    Kind of reminds me of a day in Las Vegas. I'm waiting to pull into a parking spot and a car filled with a mexican family tries to pull in. Now I had been waiting for that spot. So I kind of block him in where he is partial way in at an angle. I jump out and notice he's an older guy around my age now. I was probably aboput 30 then. So I walk up to his window and tell him to move. He's not about to. So I reach in, place the car in park and grab his fucking keys. Now the car can't move and he's blocking the person to his left from getting out. I left with his keys and went to another casino. I threw his key in a trash can. About an hour later I decide to go back and guess what. There's a tow truck there moving his car out of the way. The fucker must have had only one set of keys. I wonder what that ended up costing the fucker. I don't remember where his plates where from but not Nev.


    Tough

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tough Old Man
    Kind of reminds me of a day in Las Vegas. I'm waiting to pull into a parking spot and a car filled with a mexican family tries to pull in. Now I had been waiting for that spot. So I kind of block him in where he is partial way in at an angle. I jump out and notice he's an older guy around my age now. I was probably aboput 30 then. So I walk up to his window and tell him to move. He's not about to. So I reach in, place the car in park and grab his fucking keys. Now the car can't move and he's blocking the person to his left from getting out. I left with his keys and went to another casino. I threw his key in a trash can. About an hour later I decide to go back and guess what. There's a tow truck there moving his car out of the way. The fucker must have had only one set of keys. I wonder what that ended up costing the fucker. I don't remember where his plates where from but not Nev.


    Tough
    lmao

  9. #9
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    kekekeke

  10. #10
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    jajajajajaajajajajaja
    Quote Originally Posted by kbm8795 View Post
    Oh, I think Americans understand that the one thing conservatives hate the most is the idea of spending American tax money on Americans. . .in America.


    Your tax money is safe. . .in Iraq.
    Total ownage.

  11. #11
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    true Tale

  12. #12
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    good one Rob

  13. #13
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    SPLENDIIIIID!!

    Have Problems?... Chances are its due to overpopulation
    Save The Oceans, Save the Planet, Save Your Family, Save Yourself!



  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tough Old Man
    Kind of reminds me of a day in Las Vegas. I'm waiting to pull into a parking spot and a car filled with a mexican family tries to pull in. Now I had been waiting for that spot. So I kind of block him in where he is partial way in at an angle. I jump out and notice he's an older guy around my age now. I was probably aboput 30 then. So I walk up to his window and tell him to move. He's not about to. So I reach in, place the car in park and grab his fucking keys. Now the car can't move and he's blocking the person to his left from getting out. I left with his keys and went to another casino. I threw his key in a trash can. About an hour later I decide to go back and guess what. There's a tow truck there moving his car out of the way. The fucker must have had only one set of keys. I wonder what that ended up costing the fucker. I don't remember where his plates where from but not Nev.


    Tough




    holy fuck your an asshole!!! what about the guy at home hardware with wax in his ears?

  15. #15
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    I had to take anger management in high school because I used to be a scrapper! I never went though!

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Monkey Man


    SPLENDIIIIID!!
    who are you? Thurston Howell the Third?

    you don't get what you wish for ~ you get what you work for

    ...






  17. #17
    Magical Apelikemenace
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Wing
    who are you? Thurston Howell the Third?
    No, Steven "The Animal" Tripp...


    Have Problems?... Chances are its due to overpopulation
    Save The Oceans, Save the Planet, Save Your Family, Save Yourself!



  18. #18
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    Good Shit.

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Monkey Man
    No, Steven "The Animal" Tripp...

    i have no idea who that is . hurray for google cuz i will soon...

    you don't get what you wish for ~ you get what you work for

    ...






  20. #20
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    you don't get what you wish for ~ you get what you work for

    ...






  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Wing


    Not even close...

    Have Problems?... Chances are its due to overpopulation
    Save The Oceans, Save the Planet, Save Your Family, Save Yourself!



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