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Chuck Norris

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Thread: Chuck Norris

  1. #1
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    Chuck Norris






    "A child does not learn to squat from the top down -- in other words, he does not suddenly make a conscious decision one day to squat. Actually, he is squatting one day and makes the conscious decision to stand." - Gray Cook

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    Chuck Norris doesn't repost old stuff...

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    crap

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    Quote Originally Posted by gococksDJS
    Chuck Norris doesn't repost old stuff...
    This is true but that was 4 months ago.
    "A child does not learn to squat from the top down -- in other words, he does not suddenly make a conscious decision one day to squat. Actually, he is squatting one day and makes the conscious decision to stand." - Gray Cook

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    Quote Originally Posted by Doublebase
    This is true but that was 4 months ago.
    Chuck Norris can travel through time, so that doesn't mean shit.

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    Chuck is one of the worst actors ever.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mista
    Chuck is one of the worst actors ever.
    I would insult you, but you're no doubt already dead, killed by the man you so callously mocked.

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    Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter. Damn he's a bad motha.......

    Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi. WOW!
    Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
    not yet plucked as to slacken the seams
    and drag down the features of age,
    no folds or creases from unkempt wear
    eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
    no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
    but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012

  9. #9
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    "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
    Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
    not yet plucked as to slacken the seams
    and drag down the features of age,
    no folds or creases from unkempt wear
    eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
    no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
    but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012

  10. #10
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    Chuck Norris round-house kicked the periodic table of elements and all that was left was the element of surprise.


    It used to be "The Bermuda Square" until Chuck Norris round-house kicked a corner out of it.

  11. #11
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    Attached Images Attached Images

    Have Problems?... Chances are its due to overpopulation
    Save The Oceans, Save the Planet, Save Your Family, Save Yourself!



  12. #12
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    It is said that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten. Every time God masturbates, Chuck Norris kills a lion.
    Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
    not yet plucked as to slacken the seams
    and drag down the features of age,
    no folds or creases from unkempt wear
    eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
    no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
    but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012

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    These things are funny as hell



    There's no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

    There's no such thing as Global Warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

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    After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?
    Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
    not yet plucked as to slacken the seams
    and drag down the features of age,
    no folds or creases from unkempt wear
    eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
    no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
    but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012

  15. #15
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    Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

    Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
    If sense were common, everyone would have it.

    4/2007-Current 75th Ranked most popular image 1 spot behind Prince's bulge...

    Check out my world famous Bob Loblaw's Law Blog at http://www.synergyhw.blogspot.com/...Just kidding, it's a health and wellness blog.

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    Quote Originally Posted by The Monkey Man






    oops I mean
    Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
    not yet plucked as to slacken the seams
    and drag down the features of age,
    no folds or creases from unkempt wear
    eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
    no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
    but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012

  17. #17
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    I got in bad trouble for that, before -

    Have Problems?... Chances are its due to overpopulation
    Save The Oceans, Save the Planet, Save Your Family, Save Yourself!



  18. #18
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    I remember the first movie I watched with him starring in it, he wrestled a guy out of a helicopter, hit the ground and dusted himself off.

    Nuff said

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mista
    I remember the first movie I watched with him starring in it, he wrestled a guy out of a helicopter, hit the ground and dusted himself off.

    Nuff said

    But this is what you said about him earlier...

    Quote Originally Posted by Mista
    Chuck is one of the worst actors ever.
    You know what happened? Chuck Norris ran back in time to when you were in the womb and round house kicked your mother's stomach so that you'd respect him forever.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by gococksDJS
    You know what happened? Chuck Norris ran back in time to when you were in the womb and round house kicked your mother's stomach so that you'd respect him forever.
    That would have killed him...

    He must have went back and roundhouse kicked his great-grandmothers
    firstborn, aborting it, and sending the shockwave down through the generations!


    Have Problems?... Chances are its due to overpopulation
    Save The Oceans, Save the Planet, Save Your Family, Save Yourself!



  21. #21
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    Chuck Norris is his own grandfather.

    True Story.


    Which is why he never killed his grandfather.


    True Story.
    Quote Originally Posted by kbm8795 View Post
    Oh, I think Americans understand that the one thing conservatives hate the most is the idea of spending American tax money on Americans. . .in America.


    Your tax money is safe. . .in Iraq.
    Total ownage.

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Monkey Man
    That would have killed him...

    He must have went back and roundhouse kicked his great-grandmothers
    firstborn, aborting it, and sending the shockwave down through the generations!

    Huh? Shouldn't you be out charming a cobra out of a small reed basket and kissing it on the head for tourists?

  23. #23
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    Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
    "A child does not learn to squat from the top down -- in other words, he does not suddenly make a conscious decision one day to squat. Actually, he is squatting one day and makes the conscious decision to stand." - Gray Cook

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by gococksDJS
    Huh? Shouldn't you be out charming a cobra out of a small reed basket and kissing it on the head for tourists?
    Your'e just jealous, you can't play the clarinet -

    Have Problems?... Chances are its due to overpopulation
    Save The Oceans, Save the Planet, Save Your Family, Save Yourself!



  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Monkey Man
    Your'e just jealous, you can't play the clarinet -
    I am quite skilled and dignified when it comes to the skin flute, does this count?

  26. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by gococksDJS
    I am quite skilled and dignified when it comes to the skin flute, does this count?


    Hmmmmmm

    Have Problems?... Chances are its due to overpopulation
    Save The Oceans, Save the Planet, Save Your Family, Save Yourself!



  27. #27
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    That is why I think he is a crap actor. Too fake IMO.

  28. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Monkey Man
    I don't think so. Opening a link you post is like opening a UPS packge from Ted Kaczynski. It's a gamble

  29. #29
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    This was the show I seen it on.

  30. #30
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    fuck'n chuck norris....
    Quote Originally Posted by kbm8795 View Post
    Oh, I think Americans understand that the one thing conservatives hate the most is the idea of spending American tax money on Americans. . .in America.


    Your tax money is safe. . .in Iraq.
    Total ownage.

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