Speaking of Dice...

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  1. #1
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    Speaking of Dice...

    The Dice Man....

    Betty and Jack up a tree
    F-u-c-k-i-n-g
    First comes Betty, then comes Jack
    Then comes the goo out of Betty's crack

    Dittle dittle the cat and the fiddle
    The cow jumped over the moon
    That's more than my lazy wife does
    That fat fucking smelly baboon

    Doe, a deer, a female deer
    Ray, the guy that fucked her ass

    Eenie, meenie, miney, moe
    Suck my dick and swallow slow

    Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie
    Jerked off in his girlfriend's eye
    When her eye was dry and shut
    Georgie fucked that one eyed slut

    Hickory dickory dock
    Some chick was sucking my cock
    The clock struck two I dropped my goo
    I dumped the bitch on the next block

    Hickory dickory dock
    My balls fell out of my jock
    I laid them to rest on some hooker's chest
    And paddled her face with my cock

    Hickory dickory dock
    She took a good look at your cock
    It's really scary, old wrinkled and hairy
    It smells like a ten year old sock

    Itsy Bitsy Spider living in my crotch
    Every time he takes a bite there's another big red blotch

    Jack and Jill went up the hill
    Both with a buck and a quarter
    Jill came down with two-fifty
    That fucking whore

    Jack and Jill went up the hill
    And Jack would try to hump her
    Jill said "No", Jack said "So"
    "I'll ram it in your dumper"

    Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
    Jack burned off his fucking dick

    Jack Sprat could eat no fat
    His wife could eat no lean
    So Jack ignored her flabby tits
    And licked her asshole clean

    Little Bo Beep fucked a sheep
    Blew a horse, licked his feet
    She ate his ass so very nice
    Tongued his balls not once but twice

    Little Boy Blue - he needed the money

    Little Jack Horner sat in a corner
    Eating a pizza pie
    He shit pepperoni, blew his friend Tony
    And wiped his mouth on his tie

    Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
    Eating her curds and whey
    Along came a spider, he sat down beside her
    He said "Hey, what's in the bowl bitch"

    Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
    A lightbulb was stuck up her ass
    It woke up the spider who lived deep inside her
    He said "Hey, free electric and gas"

    Mary, Mary quite contrary
    Trim that pussy it's so damn hairy

    Mary, Mary shaved her cunt
    Now it looks like Allen Funt

    Mary had a little lamb
    She kept in her backyard
    When she took her panties off
    His woolly dick got hard

    Mary knew a little man whose prick was very thin
    Every time he fucked her, she would ask him "Is it in?"

    Old King Cole was a merry old soul
    A merry old soul was he
    He chewed off his tit, ate his own shit
    Washed it down with some tea

    Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
    To get her dog a bone
    She bent over, Rover took over
    She got a bone of her own

    Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
    To get her old dog a snack
    The cupboard was bare, she didn't despair
    She let Rover munch on her crack

    Patty cake, patty cake bakers man
    If your chicks on her period, fuck her in the can

    Peter Peter pumpkin eater
    Had a wife, loved to beat her
    Smacked her twice across the head
    Fucked her ass and went to bed

    Peter Peter pupkin eater
    Whacked off in the movie theater
    Sprayed his load across the screen
    And ruined Titanic's final scene

    Peter Peter pumpkin eater
    Knew a chick, but couldn't meet her
    Saw her brother one fine day
    Sucked his cock and now he's gay

    Rock-a-by baby on the tree top
    Your mother's a whore I ain't your pop

    Row, row, row your cunt
    Gently down my prick
    Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
    Then you'll suck my dick

    Roses are red, violets are blue
    I fucked your mom in the ass and she had you

    Rub a dub dub, three men in a tub
    Faggots have threesomes too, so fucking what

    There was an old lady who lived in a shoe
    She had so many kids, her uterus fell out

    There was an old lady who lived in a shoe
    She had so many kids, she didn't know what to do
    So she started sucking dick

    Three blind mice, see how they run
    Where the fuck are they going

    Twinkle twinkle little star
    How I wonder what you are
    Shine upon the parking lot
    As I eat my girlfriend's twat

    Twinkle twinkle little star
    Will she blow me in the car
    Because I bought her dinner, she had fun
    My balls are boiling and I'd like to cum



    "Panties? You shouldn't be wearing panties. D-Don't you read the gynaecological reports!
    You get that-that moisture build-up which leads to you know, the yeast thing.I mean, you're making *bread* down there, baby. And after the guy eats a loaf-and-a-half he gets FULL! "
    You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear.

  2. #2
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    Dice was a pussy and a lousy comedian. He cried on Letterman b/c someone criticized him professionally.

  3. #3
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    Patty cake, patty cake bakers man
    If your chicks on her period, fuck her in the can

    LOL
    No strength within, no respect without - Kasmiri Proverb

  4. #4
    pappy


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    "There was an old lady who lived in a shoe
    She had so many kids, her uterus fell out"
    You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear.

  5. #5
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    My mistake, he cried on Arsenio. A complete no talent.

  6. #6
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  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Decker View Post
    My mistake, he cried on Arsenio. A complete no talent.
    if he had no talent, why did he sell out MSG and become a multi-millionaire?
    Chuck Norris once lost his keys and couldn't remember where he put them. So he tortured himself for half an hour until he gave up their location.

  8. #8
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    Yeah he was good in his day. The nursery rhymes are quite old. So old, theyre still not funny.

    I loved one of his stand ups. Looked like his oldest one. Great delivery. He was really good for his comebacks to the audience. Hed let them ask questions and hed fire back pretty good almost every time. That and his rhymes were his meal tickets.

    I remember people always saying he was pretending to be italian. A Jewish guy cant have a NY accent? I thought Italians had Italian accents.
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  9. #9
    pappy


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    I thought that he was pretty funny. Even though he tlked about twat, goo, cock, balls, whatever. It's dirty humor. who DOESNT find that funny (besides feminists)

    But yah, the whole mind in the gutter thing did get old, but like oaktownboy said, whatever he was doing sure as hell was working. He'd sell out stadiums.
    You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by oaktownboy View Post
    if he had no talent, why did he sell out MSG and become a multi-millionaire?
    I don't know.

    Why did Madonna have a career?

    Why is Friends thought of as a hilarious success?

    Why did 70% of the public think that Hussein engineered the 9/11 attacks?

    Dice had a talent for shitty comedy which appealed to the masses.

    That no-talent jackass Larry the cable douche does the same thing: shitty comedy that's lapped up by the crowd.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Decker View Post
    I don't know.

    Why did Madonna have a career?

    Why is Friends thought of as a hilarious success?

    Why did 70% of the public think that Hussein engineered the 9/11 attacks?

    Dice had a talent for shitty comedy which appealed to the masses.

    That no-talent jackass Larry the cable douche does the same thing: shitty comedy that's lapped up by the crowd.
    Keep in mind that just because your in the minority doesn't make your position "the right one."


  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by DOMS View Post
    Keep in mind that just because your in the minority doesn't make your position "the right one."
    Stop trying to impress Don'tStop.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by DontStop View Post
    I thought that he was pretty funny. Even though he tlked about twat, goo, cock, balls, whatever. It's dirty humor. who DOESNT find that funny (besides feminists)

    But yah, the whole mind in the gutter thing did get old, but like oaktownboy said, whatever he was doing sure as hell was working. He'd sell out stadiums.
    Its not that the rhymes arent funny, they are old. Not old enough for me to forget them and laugh like Ive heard them for the first time. I heard them for the first time when I was 10-12 years old. Were you born yet?

    Oh and he does have filthy humor too. That too was good in his day.
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  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Decker View Post
    Stop trying to impress Don'tStop.
    I think I'm doing pretty good so far.

    I listened to Dice as a teenager. I thought he was funny as hell. I really like the movie he was in, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane.


  15. #15
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    I don't really like Dice's stand up. I like him in interviews though. He is great on the Howard Stern show. His has a great wit and an awesome delivery.

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by DOMS View Post
    I think I'm doing pretty good so far.

    I listened to Dice as a teenager. I thought he was funny as hell. I really like the movie he was in, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane.
    Man, I had no idea you could be so ruthless to such a sweet innocent young girl.

    Shame Shame shame.

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Decker View Post
    Man, I had no idea you could be so ruthless to such a sweet innocent young girl.

    Shame Shame shame.
    Stop trying to impress Don'tStop.


  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by DOMS View Post
    Stop trying to impress Don'tStop.
    Why I'm old enough to be her greatlooking older cousin.

    In fact, I didn't even know she was a girl until you started slobbering all over her posts.

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Decker View Post
    Why I'm old enough to be her greatlooking older cousin.


    I was just thinking about ribbing you by saying that you're old enough to be her grandfather!


  20. #20
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    lawl @ DOMS et Decker.
    fufu's 1337 Journal

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    Quote Originally Posted by DOMS View Post


    I was just thinking about ribbing you by saying that you're old enough to be her grandfather!
    Ruthless to the core. hahahaa

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    Quote Originally Posted by Decker View Post
    Ruthless to the core. hahahaa
    Careful, your prostate will flare up.


  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by AKIRA View Post
    Its not that the rhymes arent funny, they are old. Not old enough for me to forget them and laugh like Ive heard them for the first time. I heard them for the first time when I was 10-12 years old. Were you born yet?

    Oh and he does have filthy humor too. That too was good in his day.
    Does it matter if i was born yet? Point is, I saw them now, I thought they were funny. Jesus christ it wasn't meant to be a debate.
    You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear.

  24. #24
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    I wasn't really ruthless.. on a side note: I didn't even take the "attempted flame" seriously.
    You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear.

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by DOMS View Post
    Careful, your prostate will flare up.
    Too late smart guy.

    I just took a squirt and it felt like pissing razor blades.

  26. #26
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    Panties? You shouldn't be wearing panties. D-Don't you read the gynaecological reports!
    You get that-that moisture build-up which leads to you know, the yeast thing.I mean, you're making *bread* down there, baby. And after the guy eats a loaf-and-a-half he gets FULL! "
    Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
    not yet plucked as to slacken the seams
    and drag down the features of age,
    no folds or creases from unkempt wear
    eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
    no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
    but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012

  27. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by DontStop View Post
    Does it matter if i was born yet? Point is, I saw them now, I thought they were funny. Jesus christ it wasn't meant to be a debate.
    Rule #1 here in Open Chat...

    NOTHING is so sacred that it cannot be insulted, flamed, castigated, smeared, or otherwise disenfranchised and debated about. We can't help ourselves.
    NEVER write a check with your mouth that you can't cash with your ASS!!

    I can run faster mad than you can scared

    "All right brain... I don't like you and you don't like me. So let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer" ~ Homer Simpson

  28. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Witmaster View Post
    Rule #1 here in Open Chat...

    NOTHING is so sacred that it cannot be insulted, flamed, castigated, smeared, or otherwise disenfranchised and debated about. We can't help ourselves.


    No doubt. I put a gun joke in the shooting thread...


  29. #29
    I am Rollo Tomassee..
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    Quote Originally Posted by DontStop View Post
    Does it matter if i was born yet? Point is, I saw them now, I thought they were funny. Jesus christ it wasn't meant to be a debate.
    Debate? Did you just get your feathers ruffled over my non-offensive post?

    Maybe you werent born yet. I dont care.
    If I saw a Abbott & Costello scene that made me laugh, its cuz I havent seen it. Who cares?

    I said they used to be funny and I told you why they used to be funny to me.

    Calm down, dont get your pussy in a bunch.
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  30. #30
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    lol my pussy isnt loose enough to get in a bunch but thatnks for the heads up.
    You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear.

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