weird, took about 5 months to start happening, im starting to switch from daytime dreaming, back to night time dreaming
for years ive been telling people, i never dream it seems, i dont remember my dreams, fuck ive only had two dreams in the past 20+ years that ive even recalled the next morning, one was a devil dancing on a stage, the other was new york city getting nuked, you might remember that post, scary shit dat was
i never made the connection either, it must have been the pot, my dreaming cells were resin clogged or sumthin'
and my dreams are vivid too, i havent dreamed like this since i was a kid
last night i dreamed a fraternity was having a wild party, and some drunk kid pulled the stops on a railroad car, the whole train crashed into a big brick factory, and a chain reaction destroyed the whole world, i could see whole walls of bricks coming down from the sky, but lucky for me and some other folks we dived under some freeway overpasses, things really sucked at first, alot of fucking dust and stinky oily air, but... then i remembered cheesecake, yes cheesecake!!, and then we all went on a mission to eat all the cheesecake in the world before it spoiled
oh ya, another thing while were here, thanks man
"if i can do something to help, ide like to"
i dont need to look at the log to remember, ya rock bottom and crying sucks, makes ya feel weak, pathetic, when ya look back on it though, those 5 seconds of key pressing were very cool, 20 years from now i well remember that moment
yup......... im still an asshole, im just not a stoned asshole anymore
seriously though, not that that wasnt totally... non-serious... the real true assholes in my life are the folks still smoking and hating me for quiting, i know what they think....
- how dare you take away my fulcrum to feeling better about my shit filled life?
- how dare you give me one less slice of lies to spread my shit onto?
- how dare you not be a part of my shit sandwhich?
- how dare you take away my.... circumstantial equalization?
virtual friendship, thats all it was, i always wanted friends that didnt get high all the time, but at my age, its not easy... everyones so.... set in their circles it seems, people have made suggestions, but to be honest, i aint going to church just to make freinds, and i sure the hell aint going there as a propective believer, call me cynical but ive had enough of people saying God is what i need, what peeple call cynical.... i call reality, i got church right here anytime i want anyway, these friends dont make for real good conversation, but at least theyre pure hearts, God to me is for throwing out the window and-every-fucking-morning-its-communion-yut-huh