I'm leaving on Friday to go on vacation, this will be my first time in a plain. I started to get ready last night, packing clothes, going over a check list, you know all the little things to remember for a good holiday. Then I went to bed, but do you think I could sleep - noooooo... I started watching CSI just to stop my brain from racing, and fell asleep about 2 hours later.
Today, more things on the check list to get finished, buy shoes for walking, travel size shampoo... oh and then it's get my hair done and waxing. It's going to be fun, I know it, but I'm still a big chicken.
It's funny - I've been in an air balloon before and that was great, the plain just turns me into a mouse.
Hopefully the terrorists are on my flight and not yours. Has anybody else ever wanted one of those dirty fucks to try and take over your plane? I almost got my wish with the shoe bomber Robert Reid. I think I would beat the shit out of one of those smelly bastids, with or without the razor blade.
I really like flying. It's the closest thing to magic. You get on the plane, sit down, wait a while, and when you get off the plane, you're all the way across the country. Or maybe even the world.
I fly whenever I get the chance.
And I prefer to fly SouthWest if given the option. I was flying from Vegas to LA when they stewards went into the usual safety and rules announcement. They finished by saying: "Smoking is prohibited by law. Anyone caught smoking will be asked to leave the plane."
I have never flown. I would love the experience and hate it. I'm not scared, but I know I will yack. I can't ride a boat or elevator without getting sick.
Just make sure you're first flight isn't with me.
I have a friend who went on his first flight with me about 13 years ago. He white-knuckled the armrests on takeoff.
All the way there I kept saying things like "Do you smell that?" and "Did you hear that?" with a scared tone in my voice. After the first one, he just ignored those comments.
During the landing, the flaps extend from the wing to provide more lift while the plane decelerates for landing. They do this with a loud whirring noise that can easily be heard in the cabin.
We we sitting in the seats adjacent to the emergency doors over the starboard wing. He was facing the rear of the plane and I was across from him facing the front. We were also in the windows seats.
I knew the flaps were about to extend, so I started to say "Do you hear that noise?!". He was nervous about the landing, so he snapped, "Knock it off!"
After the third time I said that, he started to snap at me again, just then the flaps started to extend. In a Oscar-worthy performance, I looked out the windows, feigned horror and cried "Holy shit, the wing is falling apart!"
My friend was 6'3" tall and weighed in at 255 pounds at the time. He looked out the window, saw the wing "falling apart" and promptly screamed like a six year-old girl.
Everyone, and I mean everyone, was looking at him. I couldn't hold it in, I started to laugh. I was laughing so hard I started to have an choking fit. He figured out what was going on, grabbed me in a headlock, and started to punch me in the chest.
A stewardess walked by, look at me, a little blue around the gills, and my friend punching me. Not sure what else to do, and with a slightly scared look on her face, asked us to return to our seats and buckle in.