Beliefs/Values and relationships

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  1. #1
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    Beliefs/Values and relationships

    I need some more opinions and perspectives about a touchy topic so i am going to describe the situation below without using names or anything. I am NOT one of these people so don't think I'm either Person A or Person B. Just look at the situation in general.

    Person A

    • Is an atheist
    • Attends church regularly
    • Has strong moral beliefs and values
    • Believes in God
    • Believes that miracles do happen (praying, faith, hope)


    Example: Was born premature and had meningitis. Docs said he/she could be blind, have down syndrome, and other sorts of problems. Turns out he/she was fine and lived a normal life with no problems. He/she believes that God wanted this to happen because praying, having hope and faith helped his/her cause. Believes miracles happen for a reason. (This really did happen to Person A)

    Person B

    • Is Catholic
    • Attends church once in a while (mainly holidays and special circumstances but is not religious)
    • Doesn't necessarily believe in God
    • Does not believe in miracles (luck, experience, timing, other factors)


    Example: Using the example above, Person B believes the outcome of the situation was due to luck, experienced doctors, good timing, or any other factors that could helped Person A survive. Does not believe that God wanted it to happen and there is no such thing as miracles. If God did want this to happen, then why do some babies who are in the same boat as Person A end up dying? Does God choose who gets to live and who gets to die?

    Onto the story ...

    Person A and Person B have been friends for years. They were great friends and took it to the next level to see how a relationship would work out. Everything clicked. The chemistry was there, had a lot of things in common, made each other laugh, similar interests, etc.

    Then it gets serious and conversations about marriage, religion, beliefs, and so forth come into play.

    Person A takes a step back when he/she realizes Person B isn't on the same page as far as beliefs and values go. Person A strongly believes that a successful relationship is based on similar beliefs and religion. Will not attempt to try to settle the differences and always believes it would be a constant struggle no matter how much he/she may love Person B. Person A has seen many couples divorce solely because of differences in beliefs and religion.

    Person B sees it differently. Person B thinks religion/beliefs/values should be more of an individual thing and it should not determine whether or not a relationship will be successful. He/she thinks that no two people are alike and it's human nature for couples to grow and learn about each other and adjust to each others' differences to the best of their ability. Person B has met many couples who have totally different beliefs and religious views but still manage a healthy marriage/relationship. Doesn't think divorce is always based solely on beliefs/religion but other factors such as money, personal differences (living location, wanting kids, etc.) and others.

    Person A and Person B strongly disagree with each others beliefs but respect them. Person A thinks the relationship will not work out but Person B wants Person A to give it a try. Never judge something until you try it. Person A refuses and there is no relationship, just strictly friends. Person B thinks Person A is brainwashed and needs to broaden his/her perspective.

    What do you guys think? Do you agree more with Person A or Person B? I would like to hear your opinions and get more perspectives.

  2. #2
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    An Atheist that believes in God?
    Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
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    but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by maniclion View Post
    An Atheist that believes in God?
    yeah im a bit lost
    This is my journal. Click it and such

    "
    tried and true theory on one's self is probably the only non-biased proof that something works for someone." - juggernaut

    http://www.ronpaul.com/

  4. #4
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    i think you're person b n the girl should give you a chance.

    you don't get what you wish for ~ you get what you work for

    ...






  5. #5
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    We don't know the persons, so there's no way we can answer this question...

  6. #6
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    First, I believe you mistyped your first bullet. It would appear that person "A" is definitely NOT an atheist.

    "Faith" can be a tricky and delicate thing to navigate in any relationship. The situation you've described is not an impossible mountain to climb, but it's not gonna be easy.

    Person "A" is obviously devout to their faith. They have strong convictions that transcend into their identity as a person. It's what makes them who they are.

    You've described certain conditions the "A" grew up with and how he/she believes this to be a miracle of God.

    Person "B" says it was just good luck and timing. Nothing divine about it.

    Romans 9 verses 20-23
    "v20. But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say back to him who formed it, "Why did you make me like this?"

    "v21. Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble uses and some for common use?

    "v22. What if God, choosing to show His wrath and make His power known, bore with great patience the objects of his wrath prepared for destruction?

    "v23. What if he did this to make the riches of His glory known to the objects of his mercy, whom He prepared in advance for glory.
    Now in your post, Person "B" asked the questions: If God did want this to happen, then why do some babies who are in the same boat as Person "A" end up dying? Does God choose who gets to live and who gets to die?

    The Scriptural answer is, God makes whom He makes according to His Own will and for his own purpose. And yes, He does decide who lives or dies.

    It's not an easy answer but, if He really is God (and He is), then it is the only logical answer.

    You've stated that person "B" thinks that "A" is "brainwashed". If that is truly how "B" feels then "B" can pretty much forget about pursuing anything beyond friendship with "A" (ESPECIALLY if "B" has stated this to "A"). "A" has a Faith rooted deep in a relationship with a Holy God that "B" has no comprehension of. "A" recognizes the dangers of being yoked to a person of unlike faith and is wise to resist the temptation to "give it a whirl" and see what happens.
    2 Corinthians 6 verses 14-18
    v14. Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

    v15. What harmony is there between Christ and Belial[a]? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?

    v16. What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people."

    v17. "Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you."

    v18. "I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."
    What about children? "A" will most definitely want to raise the kids according to his/her faith while "B" will either demand they be "Catholic" or have no input at all (i.e. let the kids decide for themselves). Neither of these options is a valid and acceptable course of action for "A", ESPECIALLY if "A" is the woman. Scripture calls on men to be the spiritual leaders in their home. The woman will never submit to a man who does not share her faith and will not protect her children in accordance with that faith. That's the way it is and she is wise to be so guarded.

    Now... don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that a relationship like this cannot work, but I can assure you from experience that it is most difficult. I've been there myself. You're not dealing with a difference in cuisine preferences or color choices. You are dealing with matters of the eternal soul, an issue that transcends beyond any physical confrontation and shapes the very definition of who we are.

    I married my wife knowing full well she was NOT a Christian. Now, I never tried to force my faith on her. Yes, we did have several discussions about God and Jesus Christ but I always remained positive yet non-aggressive with her. I prayed for her. I loved her unconditionally and devoted my life to her despite our differences... but it wasn't easy. However, despite my disobedience to God, He still came through...

    8 years later my wife became a Christian. In fact, she got saved while I was away on this deployment. Our marriage is as great as ever. When I was home on Leave she was like a new person, a new creation. It's awesome.

    So, who do I Agree with? "A" or "B"? Honestly, I am very compelled to applaud "A's" convictions and unwaivering convictions, however I am very impressed with "B's" willingness to look past the differences and accept each other "as is", warts and all. However, based upon your post, I don't see either side willing to budge on core beliefs. On this note, there will always be conflict and division.
    NEVER write a check with your mouth that you can't cash with your ASS!!

    I can run faster mad than you can scared

    "All right brain... I don't like you and you don't like me. So let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer" ~ Homer Simpson

  7. #7
    flawless


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    My bad, Person A does not label him/herself as a specific group. Was a baptist at one point though. I was in a hurry and typed too fast and wasn't thinking straight. I take a class that is called "Family Values and Beliefs" (it's a Liberal Arts course) so there have been heated debates in that class. I don't have a strong background on religion so sometimes i get a little mixed up.
    Last edited by shiznit2169; 09-19-2008 at 09:54 AM.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Wing View Post
    i think you're person b n the girl should give you a chance.
    What makes you think this?

  9. #9
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    Good post witmaster. It definitely makes sense.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by shiznit2169 View Post
    What makes you think this?
    i don't know i just thought maybe you were having girl trouble. i hear it's pretty common although i can't understand why. us women are so agreeable and uncomplicated

    you don't get what you wish for ~ you get what you work for

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  11. #11
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    i think to say a persons beliefs are brainwashing is pretty disrespectful. and a is wise to avoid a pairing with someone who so easily sweeps aside their beliefs as hogwash. maybe it would work if it was one area they decided to let the other be at peace with their thoughts on and not try to reform the others thinking.

    you don't get what you wish for ~ you get what you work for

    ...






  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Wing View Post
    i hear it's pretty common although i can't understand why. us women are so agreeable and uncomplicated




    only 2 things are truly difficult to comprehend.. the universe and a woman's mind!

  13. #13
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    Wit hit it on the head!




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  14. #14
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    Wit. very nice.
    Quote Originally Posted by LAM View Post
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    Sources Say: Likely Outcome Would Be.....
    Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
    not yet plucked as to slacken the seams
    and drag down the features of age,
    no folds or creases from unkempt wear
    eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
    no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
    but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012

  16. #16
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    omfg she's crazy.

    you don't get what you wish for ~ you get what you work for

    ...






  17. #17
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    that woman is nutz!!

  18. #18
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    I think person B should make up his mind:

    Person B
    Is Catholic
    Attends church once in a while (mainly holidays and special circumstances but is not religious)
    Doesn't necessarily believe in God
    Does not believe in miracles (luck, experience, timing, other factors)

    If someone doesn't believe in God and miracles then attending church on Christmas and saying you are Catholic is worthless. Person B is lying to himself and a hypocrite.

    But that is pretty typical of Catholics. Religion is a belief system. If you don't share the same beliefs then guess what... YOU AREN'T PART OF THAT RELIGION. I wish Catholics would quite pretending.

    If you don't believe in papal infallibility and you have no problem with birth control... you are not a Catholic just because your parents told you that you were.

  19. #19
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    Person C

    • Does not believe in religion.
    • Does not attend any type of church.
    • Has strong morals and values.
    • Believes in a higher power.
    • Believes in free will, not determinism.




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  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Prince View Post
    Person C

    • Does not believe in religion.
    • Does not attend any type of church.
    • Has strong morals and values.
    • Believes in a higher power.
    • Believes in free will, not determinism.


    how does this relate to the question at hand?
    Quote Originally Posted by LAM View Post
    Sheep get their news from the media, I get my news from Facebook. That's where the real unbiased news is found. any everyone from IM that is friends with me on FB knows this.

  21. #21
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    I actually agree with Person A, I think a couple's faith and belief system has to be pretty similar in order for the relationship to be successful, unless one of them plans on changing theirs.


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  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Prince View Post
    I actually agree with Person A, I think a couple's faith and belief system has to be pretty similar in order for the relationship to be successful, unless one of them plans on changing theirs.
    I agree with person A as well.

    All the relationships Ive had where our faiths and beliefs and stances on various issues matched up for the most part worked out, whereas when they didnt, they didnt.

    Its an issue that now matters to me.
    This is my journal. Click it and such

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    tried and true theory on one's self is probably the only non-biased proof that something works for someone." - juggernaut

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