devastation25

THIS IS FROM T-MAG.COM


"So, what are you doing for a living these days?" Bob asked me. We're sitting on the couch at one of those tedious holiday get-togethers, you know, the ones where you're supposed to be nice to family members you never see except during major holidays and funerals. I think Bob is my wife's brother-in-law's second cousin or something.

"I'm the assistant editor and a writer for Testosterone magazine," I say. Bob looks at me with a blank expression on his face, as if I'd just told him I sell handmade testicle warmers beside the freeway and was looking to open franchises across the nation.

"It's a bodybuilding magazine," I say.

Blank expression. Deer caught in the headlights. Ronnie Coleman doing trigonometry.

"Oh," Bob finally says, "I heard you were, like, one of those bodybuilder guys or something. So, what's that like, you know, working out every day and stuff? I just don't have time to lift weights all day, but I have been meaning to get rid of this beer belly." He takes another sip of beer. "What do you suggest?" Sip.

At first I was a little offended. I wanted to grab him up and say, "You can't tell I'm a bodybuilder?! Look at my ass! Now, if that's not a nice round squat-built piece of sirloin, I don't know what is! You think that comes naturally? I can crack walnuts with this puppy! Wanna see? Huh, punk? Do ya? Do ya?"

Then I realize this just might cause a scene and could cost me several Christmas presents. I was planning on returning any presents I got and using the money to buy a power rack, so I didn't want to jeopardize this gift getting opportunity. I also realized that old Bob probably had a certain preconceived image of a bodybuilder and I just didn't fit that image. I'm not gorilla huge; I weigh about 205 at 5'11" right now. (When I first started lifting I was a pudgy 159, so that's not too shabby.) Also, I wasn't wearing clown pants, a fluorescent string tank top, a hanky on my head and one of those little fanny packs. And isn't that what real bodybuilders are supposed to wear?

Bob continued to sit there drinking his Natural Light, smoking a cigarette and waiting for an answer, oblivious to the fact that he'd come this close to seeing some serious walnut- crunching ass power. I tried to figure out how I could explain to the average guy what the typical T-Man does and why he does it. How could I get him to understand what it is we do, how we feel, how we live? So I took a deep breath and told him something like this:

"Well, Bob, I guess you could use the term bodybuilder if you really need a label for what it is we do. Most of us actually don't stand on stage and compete, though. We lift weights and manipulate our diets so that we'll look good naked. Sure, it's healthy too, and we'll probably live a longer and more productive life than the average guy, but mostly it's about the naked thing. Truthfully, it goes beyond even that.

"Let's be honest here. We do it because of people like you, Bob. We look at you sitting there with your gut hanging over your belt and we watch you grunt and groan just getting out of a chair. Guys like you are our inspiration, Bob. You're better than Anthony Robbins, Bill Phillips, Deepak Chopra, and Zig fucking Ziglar all wrapped up into one. We love it when guys like you talk about not having time to exercise. Every time we see you munching on a bag of potato chips, you inspire us. You're my shot in the arm, Bob, my living and breathing wake-up call, my own personal success coach.

"You want to know what it is we do? We overcome. We're too busy to train, too, but we overcome. We're too busy to prepare healthy meals and eat them five or six times a day, but we overcome. We can't always afford supplements, our genetics aren't perfect, and we don't always feel like going to the gym. Some of us used to be just like you, Bob, but guess what? We've overcome.

"We like to watch 'normal' people like you tell us about how they can't get in shape. We smile and nod sympathetically like we feel your pain, but actually, we're thinking that you're a pathetic piece of shit that needs to grow a spine and join a gym. You smile sheepishly and say that you just can't stay motivated and just can't stand that feeling of being sore. (For some reason you think that admitting your weaknesses somehow justifies them.) We listen to you bitch and moan. We watch you look for the easy way out. Because of people like you, Bob, we never miss a workout.

"You ask us for advice about diet and training and usually we politely offer some guidance, but deep inside we know you won't take our advice. You know that too. We smile and say, 'Hope that helps. Good luck,' but actually we're thinking, 'Boy, it would suck to be you.' We know that 99% of people won't listen to us. Once they hear that it takes hard work, sacrifice and discipline, they stop listening and tune us out.

"We know they wanted us to say that building a great body is easy, but it just isn't. This did not take five minutes a day on a TorsoTrack. We did not get this way in 12 short weeks using a Bowflex and the Suzanne Somers' 'Get Skinny' diet. A good body does not cost five easy payments of $39.95.

"We like it that while you're eating a candy bar and drinking Mountain Dew, we're sucking down a protein shake. You see, that makes it taste even better to us. While you're asleep we're either getting up early or staying up late, hitting the iron, pushing ourselves, learning, succeeding and failing and rising above the norm with every rep. Can you feel that, Bob? Can you relate? No? Good. This wouldn't be half as fun if you could.

"We do it because we absolutely and totally get off on it. We do it because people like you, Bob, either can't or won't. We do it because what we do in the gym transfers over into the rest of our lives and changes us, physically, mentally, maybe even spiritually. We do it because it beats watching fishing and golf on TV. By the way, do you know what it's like to turn the head of a beautiful woman because of the way you're built? It feels good, Bob. Damned good.

"When we're in the gym, we're in this indescribable euphoria zone. It's a feeling of being on, of being completely alive and aware. If you haven't been there, then it's like trying to describe color to a person who's been blind since birth. Within this haze of pleasure and pain, there's knowledge and power, self-discipline and self-reliance. If you do it long enough, Bob, there's even enlightenment. Sometimes, the answers to questions you didn't even know you had are sitting there on those rubber mats, wrapped up in a neat package of iron plates and bars.

"Want to lose that beer belly, Bob? I have a nutty idea. Put down the fucking beer. I'll tell you what, Bob. Christmas morning I'm getting up real early and hitting the iron. I want to watch my daughter open her presents and spend the whole day with her, so this is the only time I have to train. The gym will be closed, so I'm going out in my garage to workout. You be at my house at six in the morning, okay? I'll be glad to help you get started on a weight training program. It'll be colder than Hillary Clinton's coochie in there, so dress warm.

"But let me tell you something, Bob. If you don't show up, don't bother asking me again. And don't you ever sit there and let me hear you bitch about your beer belly again. This is your chance, your big opportunity to break out of that rut. If you don't show up, Bob, you've learned a very important lesson about yourself, haven't you? You won't like that lesson.

"You won't like that feeling in the pit of your stomach either or that taste in your mouth. It will taste worse than defeat, Bob. Defeat tastes pretty goddamned nasty, but what you'll be experiencing will be much worse. It will be the knowledge that you're weak, mentally and physically. What's worse is that you'll have accepted that feeling. The feeling will always be with you. In the happiest moments of your life, it'll be there, lying under the surface like a malignant tumor. Ignore it at your own peril, Bob.

"Don't look at me like that either. This just may be the best Christmas present you'll get this year. Next Christmas, Bob, when I see you again, I'm going to be a little bigger, a little stronger, and a little leaner. What will you be? Will you still be making excuses? This is a gift, Bob, from me to you. I'm giving you the chance to look fate in those pretty eyes of hers and say, 'Step off, bitch. This is my party and you're not invited.' What do you say, Bob? Monday, Christmas morning, 6am, my house. The ball's in your court."

Okay, so maybe that's not the exact words I used with Bob, but you get the picture. Will Bob show up Monday? I don't know, but I kind of doubt it. In fact, Bob will probably take me off his Christmas card list. He probably thinks I've got "too much Testosterone," like that's a bad thing. I think Bob is just stuck in a rut, and as the saying goes, the only difference between a rut and a grave is depth.

The way out of the rut is to make major changes in your life, most of which won't be too pleasant in the beginning. The opportunity to make those changes seldom comes as bluntly as I put it to Bob. Most of the time, that opportunity knocks very softly. What I did was basically give Bob a verbal slap in the face. You can react two ways to a slap. You can get angry at the person doing the slapping, or you can realize that he was just trying to get you to wake up and focus on what you really want and, more importantly, what it'll take to get it.

If you're a regular T-mag reader, I doubt you need to be called out like Bob. But maybe you've caught yourself slacking a little here lately. Maybe you've missed a few workouts or maybe you started a little too early on the usual holiday feasting, like, say, back in September. Just remember that the time to start working on that summer body is now. The time to get rid of those bad habits that hold you back in the gym is now. You want to look totally different by next Christmas? Start now. This isn't because of the holidays or any corny New Year's resolutions either. The best time is always now.

Christmas day I want you to enjoy being with your family and friends. I want you to open presents, sip a little eggnog and have a good meal. But if your regularily scheduled workout happens to fall on December 25th, what will you be doing at six o'clock that morning?

That's what separates us from guys like Bob.

soon2Bswoll

And the Pulitzer goes to.... LoL

God damn man that was great!!! That was the most inspirational article I ahve ever read about BB or weight traing or any kind of exercise ever. I know what you mean about those cocks who wanna get their muslce from a bottle and their life on down payments. Bootom line here is that that was an incredible article and it has inspired me and will also inspire my other BB friends at school. Thanx for writing the article.

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Got Muscle?

Prince

that was pretty good....I used to read t-mag on a regular basis, but haven't had much time lately to get over there.

FAngel

Wow what an unbelievably great article. When mates ask me for advice on how to help them i offer advice but that night or the next night there down the pub getting so p£$ssed that they cant walk and then they live on maccy d's and fried food.

I liked the bit in the article trying to explain what we do is like trying to explain to a blind person , who has been blind since birth about colour

Truly inspirational, gonna print it out and stick iton my wall.

Scotty the Body

MAN that explains Bodybuilding to a T.

Gonna print that off and ask if I can hang it at the gym.

harms50208

Great Post! Some guys at work just found out that I work out at 4:30 am. They think I am nuts, If they only knew. Thanks for reminding me it's time to get started with that after the holidays if I want to look good next summer diet.

seyone

when people aske me why i do it or how they can i'll send them a copy of that. totally awesome.

El Kelio

Great, great post. Congratulations.

Someday...
Keep pumping !

ZONE

Great article and site. I'm from MM know as the ZONEMAN, I just shortened it up a little. I guess this will be my new favorite site. I recognize a few names here and just wanted to say hey. That article was so on the money, I lift for me to feel good about me and to never be a BOB, I'm 35 and every one keeps saying wait till you hit 40 then everything falls apart... Well not for me.. I'm getting stronger, bigger, and better every day week month and year.... I could not have said it better then that article.. some many times people, girls and guys ask me for advise on getting in shape and so I tell them know all to well that 99% won't follow it past the first week. So many people spend so much money on gyms, and home equipment never to use them... I tell them not to waste your money until you can get it in your head to do it, until then just do the basics, push-ups, crunchs, weightless squats, step ups,...ext... do that 1 hour a day 3 days a week for 4-6 weeks, THEN and ONLY THEN if you have been consistant, start investing in equipment.... because I know that 99% won't last past the first week or 2.

Hattrick

Great post! It's already on my wall here at the office! Handed it out to a few other lifters here aswell. All thought it was right on.

[This message has been edited by Hattrick (edited 01-04-2001).]

Large And In Charge

All I got to say is, AMEN!

That was such an inspirational post, I am ready to tear up the iron right now! I'm definitely going to print out a few copies and give a few to some buds of mine.

A couple months ago, I had a similar experience in Wal-Mart. I was checking out some of their new equipment when this guy comes up to me and says, "That stuff is a waste of money. All it's good for is collecting dust and hanging cloths on." At first, I was a little angry with him. But after about 10 seconds, I felt really sorry for him. This guy was definitely out of shape and by the way he was talking, he didn't plan on doing anything about it!

So everyone bump this post up if it gets too far down on the board. This is probably one of the best articles that I've read in years!

FAngel

Just felt like doing that large and in charge!!!

BUMPETY BUMP BACK TO THE TOP WHERE IT BELONGS

Hattrick

bump!

Behemouth

i think that was the best and for sure the most inspirational post i have ever read

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LESS IS MORE

mac sloan

Classic article,almost brought tears to my eyes,it's true,it's true!

Large And In Charge

bump!

soon2Bswoll

bump

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Got Muscle?
Train hard, play fast, go strong.

Large And In Charge

bump

Pump_Daddy

ill BASH it to the top!!!!!!!!!!
BASH!!!!
LoL

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Got Muscle?
Train hard, play fast, go strong.

Large And In Charge

bump

EarWax

I've read that before. It's cool!

NotHappy

That was magical
My weights trainer would be impressed if I printed that out and showed him..
He is the biggest fan of Arnie....
I wil try and get a copy of his quotes when school starts back up and paste them here for ya

ARNIE IS GOD!

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"Your Not Drunk If You Can Still Feel The Floor"

"If Life Is A Waste Of Time And Time Is A Waste Of Life. Then If We Get Wasted We'll Have The Time Of Our Life"

Large And In Charge

bump

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If you build it they will come

jake-04

WOW Great post.... that ones getting put up on my weight room door.. thanks...

mistaben

this is THE mistaben, why there is ALWAYS one on i dont have clue... oh well. my name has been screwing up lately. i read the article... again. and again it is still F*CKING AWESOME. gonna print it out and stick on the fridge cause that is were I need it the most. peace all

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YOU DONT F***ING QUIT, YOU NEVER F***IG QUIT!

Large And In Charge

bump

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If you build it they will come

EarWax

Everytime I read this, I feel more sorry for Bob. I mean, it's Christmas for gosh darn sake! LOL

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Lift well! But don't forget to put it down afterwards.

Large And In Charge

bump

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If you build it they will come

OMNIFEX

BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I believe this happened (Knowing a Bob or
Barbera) to all of us.


I can relate to;

Paragraph
"We like to watch normal people like you tell
us how they can't get in shape"

Paragragh
"By the way, do you know what its like to turn a head of a beautiful woman because the