I think you're trying to hard to isolate the triceps while there are much better tricep exercises you could be doing.
What you're doing are actually called "kickbacks" and are not the best tricep exercise for the reasons you mentioned.
Try the following:
Skullcrushers (http://www.exrx.net/WeightExercises/...ingTriExt.html)
Close-grip press (http://www.exrx.net/WeightExercises/...enchPress.html)
Cable pushdowns (http://www.exrx.net/WeightExercises/...BPushdown.html)
Dips (http://www.exrx.net/WeightExercises/.../ASTriDip.html)



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