Old but still funny

HOW DO YOU GET HOLY WATER?
You boil the hell out of it.
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WHAT DO FISH SAY WHEN THEY HIT A CONCRETE WALL?
Dam
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WHAT DO ESKIMOS GET FROM SITTING ON THE ICE TOO LONG?
Polaroids.
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WHAT DO YOU CALL A BOOMERANG THAT DOESN'T WORK?
A stick.
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WHAT DO YOU CALL CHEESE THAT ISN'T YOURS?
Nacho Cheese.
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WHAT LIES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN AND TWITCHES?
A nervous wreck.
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WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ROAST BEEF AND PEA SOUP?
Anyone can roast beef.
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WHERE DO YOU FIND A DOG WITH NO LEGS?
Right where you left him.
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WHY DO GORILLAS HAVE BIG NOSTRILS?
Because they have big fingers.
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WHY DON'T BLIND PEOPLE LIKE TO SKY DIVE?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog.
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WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HARLEY AND A HOOVER?
The location of the dirt bag.
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WHY DO PILGRIMS' PANTS ALWAYS FALL DOWN?
Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.
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WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BAD GOLFER AND A BAD SKY DIVER?
A bad golfer goes whack, damn. A bad skydiver goes damn, whack.
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WHAT GOES CLOP, CLOP, CLOP, BANG, BANG, CLOP, CLOP, CLOP?
An Amish Drive-By Shooting.
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HOW ARE A TEXAS TORNADO AND GEORGIA DIVORCE THE SAME?
Somebody's gonna lose a trailer.

Originally posted by ALBOB
WHAT DO YOU CALL A BOOMERANG THAT DOESN'T WORK?
A stick.

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