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Thoughts from George Carlin

Arnold

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From George Carlin:

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00
apiece on those
little
bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards:
NAIVE

2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like
making a peeing
section in a swimming pool?

3. OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as
the "Jags" and the
Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what
does that make the
Tennessee Titans?

4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does
that mean that one
enjoys it?

5. There are three religious truths:
A. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the
Messiah.
B. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as
the leader of
the Christian faith.
C. Baptists do not recognize each other in
the liquor store
or at Hooters.

6. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around
several times,
does he become disoriented?

7. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't
people from
Holland called Holes?

8. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a
whack?

9. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy
adultery?

10. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

11. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

12. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts"
and you put your
two cents in . . . what happens to the other penny?

13. Why is the man who invests all your money called a
broker?

14. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't
they just stale
bread to begin with?

15. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it
say?

16. Why is a person who plays the piano called a
pianist but a person
who drives a race car not called a racist?

18. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

19. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

20. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

21. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the
English language.
Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

22. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked,
doesn't it follow
that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted,
cowboys
deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and
dry cleaners
depressed?

23. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call
it Fed UP?

24. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

25. What hair color do they put on the driver's
licenses of bald men?

27. I was thinking about how people seem to read the
Bible a whole lot
more as they get older; then it dawned on me . .
they're cramming for
their final exam.

28. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with
tiny little
spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese
mothers use?
Toothpicks?

29. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the
Post Office? What
are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they
just put their
pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can
look for them while
they deliver the mail?

30. If it's true that we are here to help others, then
what exactly are
the others here for?

31. You never really learn to swear until you learn to
drive.

32. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their
team is winning.

33. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be
if it didn't
zigzag?

34. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast.
The mime next door
went nuts.

35. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

36. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
 
this one is worth a BUMP!
 
Carlin is always good.
 
What d'you mean "good"???


HE'S EXCELLENT!!!!!:thumb:
 
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