A POLISH man moved to the US and married an American girl.

[min0 lee]

A POLISH man moved to the US and married an American girl.

Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well - until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked him the following questions:

Lawyer: Have you any grounds?

Man: Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

Lawyer: No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?

Man: It's made of concrete.

Lawyer: I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?

Man: No, we have a carport.

Lawyer: I mean. What are your relations like?

Man: All my relations are still in Poland.

Lawyer: Is there any infidelity in your marriage?

Man: We have a high fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Lawyer: Does your wife beat you up?

Man: No, I always wake up before her.

Lawyer: Is your wife a nagger?

Man: No, she's white.

Lawyer: Why do you want this divorce?

Man: She's going to kill me.

Lawyer: What makes you think that?

Man: I have proof.

Lawyer: What kind of proof?

Man: She is going to poison me. She bought a bottle and put it on the shelf in bathroom. I can read and it says: 'Polish Remover'

 

[Burner02]

mino...u lose 10 points for this post...this is...well...for you...drivel.
try again..

 

[Burner02]

what did the leper say tothe hooker when they finished?

...keep the tip!

 

[min0 lee]

What's A Vagina

A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?"
"Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose."
"Wow, what does it look like after sex?"
"Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?"

 

[min0 lee]

Where Babies Come From

A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother. "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?"

"Yes, dear," replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.

"But then when I have a baby," the teenager pondered, "won't it knock all my teeth out?"

 

[min0 lee]

Great Party at Topolo's

Foreman had been in the hectic newspaper business for twenty-five years when he decided that he was sick of the stress and quit his job. He bought 50 acres of land in the middle of Nowhere, Arizona. His place was so isolated that the postman came only once a week and he went to the grocery store only once a month.

After six months of near total isolation, he hears a knock on the door. He opens the door and a big ball headed Arizoner is standing there. He says, "Names Topolo...your neighbor from four miles over the ridge. Having a party Saturday...thought you'd like to come."

"Great," replies Foreman. "After six months of living like this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thanks for inviting me."

As Topolo is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you, though, there's gonna be some drinkin'." "Not a problem. After 25 years in the newspaper business, I can drink with the best of them."

Again, as he starts to leave, Topolo stops. "More 'n likely gonna be some fightin', too." Tough crowd, Foreman thinks to himself. "Well, I get along with people. Don't worry, I'll be there. Thanks again."

Once again, Topolo turns from the door, "I've seen some wild sex at these parties, too." "Now that is not a problem," Foreman says. "I've been up here all alone for six long months. I'll definitely be there.

By the way, what should I wear?"

Topolo stops in the doorway one last time and says... "Whatever you want. Just gonna be the 2 of us there."

 

[DOMS]

a big ball headed Arizoner

...

 

[min0 lee]

Big=strong, huge

Bald is not a bad thing.......oops, I called him an Arizoner.

 

[myCATpowerlifts]

Haha, those were good.

Nagger!!

 

[min0 lee]

...

Oh....now I see.

 

[DOMS]

 

[Nachez]

good stuff mino

 

[Little Wing]

sorry if this offends anyone.

how do we know funk and wagnall didn't know shit from shinola?

look up polish in their dictionary.

 

[min0 lee]

The Great Wizard of Oz

The last four ex-U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they whirled to OZ. They finally make it to the Emerald City and came before the Great Wizard.

"WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD OF OZ?"

Jimmy Carter stepped forward timidly:" I've come for some courage."

"NO PROBLEM!" says the Wizard. "WHO IS NEXT?"

Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well........., I.......I think I need a brain."

"DONE" says the Wizard. "WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ?"

Up stepped George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart."

"I'VE HEARD IT'S TRUE!" says the Wizard. "CONSIDER IT DONE."

There is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word. Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

"Is Dorothy here?"

 

[DOMS]

 

[BigDyl]

The last four ex-U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they whirled to OZ. They finally make it to the Emerald City and came before the Great Wizard.

"WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD OF OZ?"

Jimmy Carter stepped forward timidly:" I've come for some courage."

"NO PROBLEM!" says the Wizard. "WHO IS NEXT?"

Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well........., I.......I think I need a brain."

"DONE" says the Wizard. "WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ?"

Up stepped George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart."

"I'VE HEARD IT'S TRUE!" says the Wizard. "CONSIDER IT DONE."

There is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word. Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

"Is Dorothy here?"

 

[min0 lee]

I made fun of both sides.

 

[DOMS]

You misunderstand. That's his "I would have taken Bill in my mouth" emoticon.

 

[min0 lee]

BigDyl and his classmates are supposed to draw a picture on the board

KEFE returned to his seat the teacher called on Manic next:

Manic returned to his seat. Now it was Little wings turn

Little Wing returned to her seat. Next, the teacher called Godhand to the board

Godhand returned to his seat. Min0 Lee was called to the board.

About this time BigDyl began waving his arm hysterically. BigDyl was well-known for being dirty-minded, so the Jodi...I mean the Teacher was reluctant to call on him for anything. But as the teacher looked at the picture on the chalkboard, she thought that there was no way that BigDyl could possibly do anything to make this picture dirty. So she called on BigDyl, and he ran to the chalkboard.

Dirty BigDyl had done it again!

 

[Burner02]

Brokeback Sherriffs:
Some retired deputy sheriffs went to a retreat in the mountains. To save
money, they decided to sleep two to a room. No one wanted to room with
Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one
of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first deputy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning
with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what
happened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and
watched him all night."

The next night it was a different deputy's turn. In the morning, same
thing--hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. They said, "Man, what
happened to you? You look awful!" He said, "Man, that Daryl! He shakes the
roof. I watched him all night."

The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football
player; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and
bushy tailed. "Good morning," he said.

They couldn't believe it! They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well,
we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and kissed him good
night. He sat up and watched me all night long."

 

[min0 lee]

Brokeback Sherriffs:
Some retired deputy sheriffs went to a retreat in the mountains. To save
money, they decided to sleep two to a room. No one wanted to room with
Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one
of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first deputy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning
with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what
happened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and
watched him all night."

The next night it was a different deputy's turn. In the morning, same
thing--hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. They said, "Man, what
happened to you? You look awful!" He said, "Man, that Daryl! He shakes the
roof. I watched him all night."

The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football
player; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and
bushy tailed. "Good morning," he said.

They couldn't believe it! They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well,
we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and kissed him good
night. He sat up and watched me all night long."

 

[min0 lee]

World's Toughest Cowboy

World's Toughest Cowboy

Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous.
A night of tall tales commences.

The first says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands."

The second chimes in, "Why that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off, and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I'm still here today."

The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.