Some of you will notice that I have started over with my journal.
With a little under 12 weeks to go until Nationals and being far behind in my progress it's time to pull out all the stops.
This season I have enlisted the help of a new personal trainer. I'm not sure he 'wanted' the job but he's a very sweet guy who seems to be willing to help me out for whatever reason, (I just hope you're not hitting your head against the wall too hard Patrick!) a person who is extremely knowledgeable and that I have complete faith in to help me attain my goals... and let me tell you the task at hand is not a pretty one!
Panic striken, disappointed and riddled with feelings of guilt and failure, last night I was ready to throw in the towel believing that I couldn't possibly be ready in time to hit the Nationals stage in 12 weeks!
It's my own fault and I've been delusional about where I really am at and have basically been piddling about the last four weeks when I should have been dieting like a fiend and not screwing up... there is nothing like a photo to slap you rudely in the face and awaken you to the fact that you are in fact FAT... again!!!
My trainer requested progress pics. I reluctantly got Rod to take them but when I viewed them, I was mortified. I knew I was behind but this was so BAD, so I pulled last years photos which only heightened my distress when I saw exactly how far behind schedule I am... I sent the photos I had just taken to the recycle bin!
My poor husband had a total wreck on his hands last night, a pmsing one to make matters worse. He was awesome though. He reassured me and listened to me vent, then reminded me of my accomplishments in the past and my 'fuck no, fuck that!' policy on quitting.
Only after much persausion from him did I very reluctantly salvage the photos from the recycle bin and send them to Patrick... I cried again as I hit the send button! lol
To my relief today I still have a trainer!
I am committed to doing whatever it takes to make this happen and hit stage on Apr 23 in the best shape I can in what time I have left. Though I am behind in schedule, all my goals remain the same.
So no more, 'I can't do this', no more guilt over not being where I should be, no more slips on the diet, time to knuckle down and focus on the now.
I have spent the past two days working with Patrick on a new program and diet. I am focused, ready to work my butt off and will be eternally grateful to Patrick in assisting in my hour (12 weeks) of need!
With a little under 12 weeks to go until Nationals and being far behind in my progress it's time to pull out all the stops.
This season I have enlisted the help of a new personal trainer. I'm not sure he 'wanted' the job but he's a very sweet guy who seems to be willing to help me out for whatever reason, (I just hope you're not hitting your head against the wall too hard Patrick!) a person who is extremely knowledgeable and that I have complete faith in to help me attain my goals... and let me tell you the task at hand is not a pretty one!
Panic striken, disappointed and riddled with feelings of guilt and failure, last night I was ready to throw in the towel believing that I couldn't possibly be ready in time to hit the Nationals stage in 12 weeks!
It's my own fault and I've been delusional about where I really am at and have basically been piddling about the last four weeks when I should have been dieting like a fiend and not screwing up... there is nothing like a photo to slap you rudely in the face and awaken you to the fact that you are in fact FAT... again!!!
My trainer requested progress pics. I reluctantly got Rod to take them but when I viewed them, I was mortified. I knew I was behind but this was so BAD, so I pulled last years photos which only heightened my distress when I saw exactly how far behind schedule I am... I sent the photos I had just taken to the recycle bin!
My poor husband had a total wreck on his hands last night, a pmsing one to make matters worse. He was awesome though. He reassured me and listened to me vent, then reminded me of my accomplishments in the past and my 'fuck no, fuck that!' policy on quitting.
Only after much persausion from him did I very reluctantly salvage the photos from the recycle bin and send them to Patrick... I cried again as I hit the send button! lol
To my relief today I still have a trainer!
I am committed to doing whatever it takes to make this happen and hit stage on Apr 23 in the best shape I can in what time I have left. Though I am behind in schedule, all my goals remain the same.
So no more, 'I can't do this', no more guilt over not being where I should be, no more slips on the diet, time to knuckle down and focus on the now.
I have spent the past two days working with Patrick on a new program and diet. I am focused, ready to work my butt off and will be eternally grateful to Patrick in assisting in my hour (12 weeks) of need!
Go get em' Kerry! Don't stress too much or you'll have cortisol issues 
