i am the girlfriend of a graduate school chiropractic student. We have been together for a year this April. I am very supportive of my boyfriend. I never see him, he drives 200 miles to see me about once a month. I feel we are very strong in keeping our relationship together. When he has exams I leave him be and dont call, i let him study. I give him space, cook him food when he wants, clean everything, i love his family and when his mom got cancer and he couldnt be there i stayed by her side everyday. my question to ask for advice is why would a 28 year old not want to even think about marriage or a family or even say he loves me? I feel like I'm wasting my time. I'm 19 and ready to have a family of my own and he is 28 and is like frat boy...So truthfully is this something I'm doing wrong? I innitiate all sexual encounters, he falls asleep at like 10 and im like ok...im really confused and need mens opinions? I'm starting to think I'm just not loveable? Am I attractive? Is that the problem. He says I'm beautiful, but im wondering...?
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chiro girlfriend
- Thread starter brunette
- Start date
brunette said:
You are doing nothing wrong, we are dogs. But if I may give you some advice, you are 19, you need to live life, not get married.
If he doesn't say he loves you... he might not.
Sorry to say this but if you live 200 miles away and only see him once a month and he never says he loves you, something is wrong. He could be seeing other girls and you may be something on the side.
The weird part is that you say you innitiate all sexual encounters. Are you attractive? Yes, you are. That is not the problem. If it was me and I was in an exclusive relationship with you and saw you only once a month... you would not have to initiate a sexual encounter and I would not fall asleep at 10.... in fact you might not get any sleep for the whole weekend I was there (assuming its a weekend kind of visit) Something doesn't sound right... after a month of no girlfriend action, he should be ready to explode.
Is there any chance he might be gay?
Sorry to say this but if you live 200 miles away and only see him once a month and he never says he loves you, something is wrong. He could be seeing other girls and you may be something on the side.
The weird part is that you say you innitiate all sexual encounters. Are you attractive? Yes, you are. That is not the problem. If it was me and I was in an exclusive relationship with you and saw you only once a month... you would not have to initiate a sexual encounter and I would not fall asleep at 10.... in fact you might not get any sleep for the whole weekend I was there (assuming its a weekend kind of visit) Something doesn't sound right... after a month of no girlfriend action, he should be ready to explode.
Is there any chance he might be gay?
sadly no gay boyfriend
no he is very hetero. hes a mr. football jock so it is not that. and yes it is weekend trips and im like all ready and willing and its always me. i dont get it there is something going on...but i know hes not seeing someone else because i have an "in" on someone there i know. he dosent even go out to clubs any more, or go out drinking...im very confused...(one of the reasons why i am wanting to have kids is because i have endomitriosis and if i wait to have kids i may not have a chance) the thing is ive never even said why dont you love me? or why dont we get married i havent asked a single damn thing. i let hi have his space. he is a jerk when i ask the smallest question. he hates questions...
no he is very hetero. hes a mr. football jock so it is not that. and yes it is weekend trips and im like all ready and willing and its always me. i dont get it there is something going on...but i know hes not seeing someone else because i have an "in" on someone there i know. he dosent even go out to clubs any more, or go out drinking...im very confused...(one of the reasons why i am wanting to have kids is because i have endomitriosis and if i wait to have kids i may not have a chance) the thing is ive never even said why dont you love me? or why dont we get married i havent asked a single damn thing. i let hi have his space. he is a jerk when i ask the smallest question. he hates questions...
Very simple, he is 28 and getting his life on track with school. He is smart enough to know school comes first right now. You are 19 and just out of high school with only one goal in life.....crank out kids. I think you need to grow up, stop spying on the man you say you love and get a life outside of reproduction.
When I was in school (and about 19), I went to school from 8-3 everyday and taught guitar from 4-9 everyday and then found time to study on the side. I had a girlfriend that was about a 3 hour drive away. I drove to see her every weekend. I couldn't have imagined only seeing her once a month. We actually ended up getting engaged but it all ended badly when I found out she had been seeing other guys during the week when I was gone. Long distance relationships are not easy... especially at that age when hormones are so strong and people are more immature.
If I had to do it all over again, I would have kept seeing her but maybe only once a month or less... and I would never have gotten serious about her and I definitely would have been seeing lots of other girls too. Young people are often idealistic and want that perfect relationship but as you get older, you will realize that the 20s are supposed to be for having fun and dating lots of people and just playing around. It is not the time to get serious about anyone. Most people that do end up feeling that they missed that part of their life.
It sounds to me like this guy is either playing around or gay or both.
If I had to do it all over again, I would have kept seeing her but maybe only once a month or less... and I would never have gotten serious about her and I definitely would have been seeing lots of other girls too. Young people are often idealistic and want that perfect relationship but as you get older, you will realize that the 20s are supposed to be for having fun and dating lots of people and just playing around. It is not the time to get serious about anyone. Most people that do end up feeling that they missed that part of their life.
It sounds to me like this guy is either playing around or gay or both.
1)All men hate questions
2)Once a guy has had sex with a girl on a routine basis, it gets boring. Not your fault, it is ours. As Chris Rock said, 'You have to find a way to turn this old pussy into new pussy." About the only girl attitude-wise that could keep me would have to be that psycho bitch from wedding crashers and she is not that attractive, but a hand job under the table every now and again would let me see past that.
3)The one thing on this planet that could confuse me and chase me away more than anything else would be a 19 year old girl ready to settle down and have kids. That also is not your fault, but the truth.
2)Once a guy has had sex with a girl on a routine basis, it gets boring. Not your fault, it is ours. As Chris Rock said, 'You have to find a way to turn this old pussy into new pussy." About the only girl attitude-wise that could keep me would have to be that psycho bitch from wedding crashers and she is not that attractive, but a hand job under the table every now and again would let me see past that.
3)The one thing on this planet that could confuse me and chase me away more than anything else would be a 19 year old girl ready to settle down and have kids. That also is not your fault, but the truth.
He's banging other women. It's obvious. Lose him and move on.
ok i guess im not like my peers because i do not want to sleep around, go out and party, do drugs, get drunk, i want to be loved and i dont want to be superficial and worry about looking like jenna jameson...the boyfriend that i broke up with a few years back told me if i didnt marry him that he was going to kill himself...i have been hurt from so many that my loyalty and stability seem to be ignored...i guess i can never do right?
brunette said:
Don't get so upset.
I was recently in a relationship with a girl I thought I loved.
But she didn't want a serious relationship, so she left me.
Its hard to move on. I'm a relationship kind of guy too.
Now this I don't get. You seem to pick the wrong men.
ok then i pick the wrong men. i just wan to be taken care of by love. i can handle my finances, when my boyfriend was broke, i took him to dinner everynight, went to parks, dates, i planned a picnic...i dont know what im doing wrong. mabey i just date people that dont love me? why are people afriad to be in a long term relationship. i guess my outlook on life is to be loved not to sleep around and party? is this not normal or something? why dont guys want to be loved?
brunette said:
Just because he's mr. football jock doesn't mean he's straight...
If he is a jerk when you ask questions, you have to wonder why. Does he have something to hide. Why would you want to be with a jerk that doesn't answer questions, doesn't say he loves you, only sees you once a month and doesn't really show much interest in you? That doesn't make sense. If you want, call him on his behavior. If he doesn't give a 100% satisfactory answer dump him and move on. There are lots and lots and lots of guys that want to treat you better than that.
... and about kids. Don't rush it because you may not be able to have any. That is insanely stupid. A lot of people have kids for wrong reasons and end up regretting it. And guess what, kids can't be returned. They really, really aren't all they are cracked up to be. My mother even told me once if she had to do it all over again, she wouldn't have kids. A lot of parents feel this way, even some of them that tell you their kids are the best things in their life.
Remember that there is a huge price to pay for having kids. It is completely life transforming. You can have kids and deal with crying and sickness and diapers and being a taxi for little league and friends. Basically when you have kids, your life stops and you live for the childrens development and pleasure. Chances are you won't go out to movies (unless it's a kids movie), or dinners or clubs anymore... at least not without a lot of planning and dishing out cash for babysitters. Then there is college and worrying about drugs, buying them cars, paying for insanely expensive insurance. You can easily spend $2000-3000 a year per child just on their sports activities. Then you factor in cloths that they tear or outgrow in months, school books, toys they lose or destroy, medical costs, etc... they become extremely expensive. And to make this all worse, if you rush into it, you will likely be doing it all alone within a couple years and likely on one salary. Sounds fun doesn't it?
On the other hand, if you never have kids, you can easily retire 10-20 years earlier than you normally would have. You can go out on a whim any day of the week you want. You can take a month of holidays every year and tour the world. Go on cruises, go to Europe, Africa or Asia. Go to some foreign country when they host something like the Olympics... and the best part is you can afford it. You will have so much more time on your hands to do the things YOU enjoy, not only because you aren't spending all your time driving kids around but because you can probably afford a maid so your household chores are minimized too.
Too often kids go to school because they have to. Then they go to college because they are expected to and have basically been used to doing what they are told their whole life. After school, they have never really had to decide what direction they want in their life. Society and their parents expect them to get married and have children so they blindly do it without ever thinking whether or not that is really how they want to spend their life. Ultimately, you have to choose what path you want to take. Society and your parents have beaten into you the good points of having children. There is another side though. There are good points and bad points to both. But now in five years time, you can't say nobody ever warned you about the downside of the path you take. I think the downside of kids is often trivialized by people as are the good points of not having them. These are a lot more significant than you might think.
There is a reason birth rates in civilized nations are going down and why many countries now have birth rates that don't support the countries population.
i see your side of having kids. my mom had eight kids, i saw the expense they are and my parents have never even had jobs!!! they are whacked...not my point. it just seems like im confused and need to think for awile...
ok then i pick the wrong men. i just want to be taken care of by love. i can handle my finances, when my boyfriend was broke, i took him to dinner everynight, went to parks, dates, i planned a picnic...i dont know what im doing wrong. mabey i just date people that dont love me? why are people afriad to be in a long term relationship. i guess my outlook on life is to be loved not to sleep around and party? is this not normal or something? why dont guys want to be loved?
brunette said:
You're 19... most other people that will be dating you just aren't ready for that much seriousness that early. Maybe you are too nice to these guys. You like guys that don't treat you very well (as do most girls), I think it is often same with guys. If you are too nice, it is just kind of a turn off.
By the way, most people at 19 haven't found a long term commited relationship. I think your expectations are pretty high. Most people that find that, find it somewhere between 25-35 (or older after their divorce from a short term non-commited relationship)
I don't know if I believe that you just want to be loved... if that was true, why would you still be with this guy? Why haven't you went for one of those nice guys that surely asked you out but you weren't interested
You probably only date good looking people. Lower your standards, I think BigDyl is probably available. Who am I kidding, of course he is available, and from what I understand, a very EMOtional person.
NeilPearson said:
My buddy always dates multiple women at a time. Then, when shit hits the fan, they ask why they can't find nice guys. Good looking guys have options, so they tend to opt for many of those options rather than settle for only one.
Dale Mabry said:
I don't think she needs an emosexual
Affection is an emotion.
i dont even know why i even wrote anything on here. im more confused now then i was before...now im too nice, i need to date ugly guys to have a committed relationship and i really dont want to be loved...ummmmmmmmm ok
brunette said:
I'm sure you want to be loved... it's just your actions (staying with guys that don't seem to love you) don't really show it.
I think you want to be loved by some guy that won't love you. I am sure there are guys that would love and worship you... ones that have probably asked you out but for some reason you just weren't interested.
You don't just want to be loved, you want to be loved by the 'right' guy.
Really what is all comes down to is I just don't think you have found that right combination yet. Eventually you will find someone you can love and who loves you. Just don't be surprised if it takes a few years.
If I was you, I would just date lots of guys. Nothing serious. You don't have to sleep around or anything. Just go out for dinner or movies or something with a bunch of different guys. Try not to get serious about any of them and eventually you will find the one guy that everything clicks with and you will just know he's the one because everything will be perfect. This will mean just going out on lots of non-serious dates and having lots of fun. If you are having trouble finding new guys to date, try an internet dating service (the guys on there tend to be more serious and willing to love too) You could go out with a new guy every night of the week if you wanted. Just meet lots of people and develop friendships. Don't commit to anyone until it is right. Just view it as meeting new friends and something will develop naturally.
He sounds gay to me.
I should kick his ass.
I should kick his ass.
Brunette, please listen to me and ask your friends and family in real life .. or go to a more serious "relationship" forum for advice. Listening to these fools on the board is not going to help. All the guys here practically despise women and nothing but shit comes out of their mouth.
Don't take their advice, seriously. Just follow your heart and see how things unfold in the future.
Don't take their advice, seriously. Just follow your heart and see how things unfold in the future.
mabey thats what he needs
he needs a reality check so go ahead. bigdyl
he needs a reality check so go ahead. bigdyl
brunette said:
So he's gay?
<TrueStory>I'm like the best fighter in the world </TrueStory>
shiznit2169 said:
bah, my advice is awesome... and I love women and have been happily married for 8 years (dated 3 years before marriage)
I wouldn't listen to BigDyl though... after all he is emosexual
no
definitially not gay. im just seeing now that one day he will see that being alone isnt satisfying but for me that isnt an option.
definitially not gay. im just seeing now that one day he will see that being alone isnt satisfying but for me that isnt an option.
Watch out, BigDyl might go there with the intent of kicking his ass and the two of them might end up getting together.
