Downright Dirty Jokes (Funny too)

[Sub-Zero]

Midget at a Urinal

A guy is standing at a urinal when he notices that he's being watched by a midget. Although the little fellow is staring at him intently, the guy doesn't get uncomfortable until the midget drags a small stepladder up next to him, climbs it and proceeds to admire his privates at close range.

"Wow," comments the midget, "Those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!"

Surprised -- and flattered -- the man thanks the midget and starts to move away.

"Listen, I know this is a rather strange request," says the little fellow, "but I wonder if you would mind if I touched them."

Again the man is rather startled, but seeing no real harm in it, he obliges the request.The midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's balls, and says, "Okay, hand me your wallet or I'll jump off the ladder!"

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Extra Strength Viagra
Crazy Mike the Biker walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once, and I need something to keep me horny... keep me potent." The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label "Viagra Extra Strength" and says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go NUTS for 12 hours!"

Then Crazy Mike says, "Gimme three boxes!" The next day, Crazy Mike walks into the same pharmacy, right up to the same pharmacist and pulls down his pants. The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's penis is black and blue, and the skin is hanging off in some places.

Crazy Mike says, "Gimme a bottle of BenGay."

The pharmacist replies, "BenGay?!?!?! You're not going to put BenGay on that are you?"

Crazy Mike says, "No, it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up."

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Wacked-Out Restaurant
A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Bulgarian businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. She says, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?"
One of the Bulgarian men says, "Can't you see? Ve arrrre all verrry, verrry hoongry." The waitress makes a stroking motion and says, "So how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation??" One of the other businessmen replies:

The menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!

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Mommy's Sponge
One day, a mother was taking a bath when her 5 year old son walked in. The son asked, "What is that?" pointing down to her privates. The mother was embarrased, but she told him that is was her sponge.
The little boy said, "OK" and then left.

The next day, the mother had another bath, but she shaved all her hair off. Her son came in again and asked, "Where is your sponge, Mommy?"

The mother said that she lost it. The little boy then said, "OK, I will find it for you."

The mother said, "Sure, why not."

Then five minutes later, her son came running in yelling, "Mommy, Mommy, I found your sponge!"

The mother said, "Oh yeah, where is it?"

Her son answered, "The lady from down the street has it, and she is washing daddy's face with it!"

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More to cum later !!!

 

[Shmoo]

LMAO

Here`s another

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man, and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Ah, yes."

Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention: Number one, there's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion. Number two, it chatters constantly at high speeds. Number three, most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much. Number four, the intake is placed way too close to the exhaust. And finally, the maintenance costs are outrageous."

"Hmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to his Celestial Super Computer, typed in a few words, and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

 

[kuso]

Originally posted by Sub-Zero
Midget at a Urinal

A guy is standing at a urinal when he notices that he's being watched by a midget. Although the little fellow is staring at him intently, the guy doesn't get uncomfortable until the midget drags a small stepladder up next to him, climbs it and proceeds to admire his privates at close range.

"Wow," comments the midget, "Those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!"

Surprised -- and flattered -- the man thanks the midget and starts to move away.

"Listen, I know this is a rather strange request," says the little fellow, "but I wonder if you would mind if I touched them."

Again the man is rather startled, but seeing no real harm in it, he obliges the request.The midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's balls, and says, "Okay, hand me your wallet or I'll jump off the ladder!"

ROTF

 

[rajasingam]

THATS THE FUNNIEST JOKES I HAVE EVER READ

 

[bigss75]

Originally posted by Sub-Zero


Extra Strength Viagra
Crazy Mike the Biker walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once, and I need something to keep me horny... keep me potent." The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label "Viagra Extra Strength" and says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go NUTS for 12 hours!"

Then Crazy Mike says, "Gimme three boxes!" The next day, Crazy Mike walks into the same pharmacy, right up to the same pharmacist and pulls down his pants. The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's penis is black and blue, and the skin is hanging off in some places.

Crazy Mike says, "Gimme a bottle of BenGay."

The pharmacist replies, "BenGay?!?!?! You're not going to put BenGay on that are you?"

Crazy Mike says, "No, it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up."

You should have called the biker Dero.