MonStar's Journal: Getting Back On Track!

[M.J.H.]

I am finally going to get serious and stop f*cking around. This is honestly getting completely out of control. And I am so f*cking sick of all this bullsh*t. Binging, and starting another journal, changing my training routine around, etc. I am sick and tired of this repeated negative cycle of events.

It's about time I stop f*cking around with this immature petty bullsh*t and get on the right track!

I used this guy today as motivation, he went from a solid 205 lbs. to a solid 220 lbs. and looks better than ever. Eating clean and training hard, that simple. I, on the other hand, sit around binging and then starving myself and changing programs and diets every other day. Letting people just pass me right on by. It's f*cking ridiculous. I need to STOP with this crap, cut out the sugar and alcohol, triple my water intake, and get a minimum of 7 hours sleep each night. No more f*cking around!

Keeping it simple, clean diet and training hard and heavy. Nothing new.

 

[M.J.H.]

I am going to start doing progress pictures every single month from now on as well, no matter what. Here I am today at a flabby 238 lbs. Flabbier than I have been in over a year.

 

[P-funk]

I don't understand why this stuff is so hard for you??? You appear to be very driven and dedicated. I don't understand why you fall off the wagon so easily and so frequently??

 

[aggies1ut]

I'm sorry, and am not trying to be negative, but have you ever considered therapy of some sort?

 

[M.J.H.]

Patrick: I have NO IDEA man! I can't f*cking figure it out to save my life. I think it's just BED (Binge Eating Disorder) in combination with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). I mean I know that I have a problem with both. And for a while I was doing well at just putting aside my urge to binge. But now I am back into that horrible swing of binging and changing my program over and over and over again. I am going to try and stick it out with this one man. I mean I WANT to change, I hate doing this stupid a*s cycle over and over again.

aggies1ut: I have considered it, yes. But when I actually decide to go ahead and start therapy my binging ends up getting a lot better. So I end up telling myself this is the last time, etc.

 

[M.J.H.]

Friday; 12-10-2004

• Training:
  
  Support Rows
  3 sets of 6 with 255
  2 sets of 3 with 300
  
  CG Cable Pulldowns
  5 sets of 5 with 230
  
  Nautilus Pullovers
  3 sets of 7 with 280
  
  BTN Cable Pulldowns
  2 sets of 12 with 170
  
  Nice back workout today, seemed to hit my lats pretty damn hard. Trying to steadily increase my workout volume since I am trying to drop some flab. I am thinking about doing another M1T cycle as well. Especially after seeing how much size this guy at my gym has put on.

• Diet:
  
  Meal 1: 1% cottage cheese + mandarin oranges
  Preworkout: 1 scoop of Swole
  Postworkout: whey protein + 1% milk
  Meal 3: tuna salad sandwich, chicken noodle soup
  Meal 4: grilled chicken sandwich, side salad + vinegarette dressing
  Meal 5: grilled chicken + cheese sub, side salad + honey mustard dressing
  Meal 6: whey protein + 1% milk

• Sleep: 6 hours. Breaking this 6-hour habit and I am going to focus on 7-8 hours every night.

 

[PreMier]

I am having deja vu

 

[BigDyl]

Lifting numbers look good--whats a support row btw? I have one at my Y, but you put plates on it and like lay your chest down on it so your at a 60 degree angle or so, then grab a t-bar that is attached to the bottom of the machine. If i go too heavy, i find myself pulling myself up off the padding and as i get straighter up, I am able to pull the weight up. I wasnt sure if it was the same thing you were using.

Don't worry about the diet problems. Just do what most everyone else is doing, like getting everything out of your system, then getting serious on jan 1st.

 

[Mudge]

This looks just like the last post?

Anyhow, what works for me, is eventually you have to stop bitching and JUST DO IT.

 

[JerseyDevil]

^^^What he said. I'm starting to think you just crave the attention.

 

[simbh]

yep , do it man . Youre not that bad, you got a good solid built , you just need to eat right like you said and it will get back on track. Just tell anyone of us if you need some support. Id be glad to motivate you anything , take it from me , Im in the same wagon as you are ... Ive been eating clean for months , but it hasnt always been that way. So if you need some word of encouragement , Ill be glad to help bro. So this time , do it till the end !

For the water , just have a bottle of water in hands at all time, and youll get in a good 5-6 liters a day. Thats what I do , I fill it up where ever I am and I drink till my bladder explodes , lol.

 

[Mudge]

My thinking is Mike, that new threads aren't doing the trick, so why not just stick to one, kind of like owning up to it? I have considered doing new ones also but I want to be able to look back easily, and frankly my own diet has also been shit for some time.

The solution? For me, stop thinking about it, stop whining about it, and JUST DO IT. Because I should be further along by now, and stagnation sucks!

Good luck!

 

[JerseyDevil]

^^^What he said. I'm starting to think you just crave the attention.

Ah, c'mon guys... I'm trying to PO Mike a bit, so maybe he'll see the light. One journal, and a decent diet with some cheats.

 

[CowPimp]

Mike, it is my suggestion that you don't play with your hormones any more until you can get your binging under control. High levels of testosterone are associated with greater appetite, or so I have read on these forums.

Also, if you are looking for a way to boost your metabolism without cardio, then you may want to consider some circuit callisthenics like I have been doing. I seem to recall reading that you hate cardio. I find this far more enjoyable, and it requires more intensity in shorter bursts, similar to resistance training.

Oh, and I know I say this everytime, but post it if you binge this time. You're not starting from a clean slate just because you change journals. Remember that.

 

[M.J.H.]

Jake: Yeah, most people are having it too. I really need to keep this one and stop annoying everyone here at IM.

BigDyl: Hey man, thanks for stopping by, always nice to see new faces here in my journal. I am going to try and just keep my diet relatively clean, that's all. Not even perfect, because I know that's never going to happen. Here are the support rows that I am talking about:

That's not the exact machine, but it's pretty close. Chest and sternum are pressed against the apparatus so you can't cheat. Great at hitting the lats. I used an underhand grip, however.

Mudge: Thanks for the inspirational posts bro. I agree, I have to stop f*cking around, and talking and talking and talking about it and just doing it. I think if I can make it 7 days with one journal I'll keep it. But after a day or two I always throw it away. I have no idea why. I am going to focus this time and not let my stupid cravings get the best of me, etc.

JerseyDevil: I think negative motivation or whatever you call it is what I might need at this point. I mean it seems like nothing else is working---so I am willing to try anything. I don't want to have to see a therapist because I can't control my own godd*mn eating.

simbh: Thanks for stopping by, again it's great to see new faces here in my journal. I am going to stop f*cking around completely get back on track. There is no reason why I should be slacking off like this. I mean I am flabbier now than I have ever been before. That's absurd, I am not going to let myself go any longer.

BTW, about my water intake. I am basically going to stop carbonated drinks completely, at first. I want to eventually switch completely over to all water---but for now I am just cutting out carbonated drinks and doing Crystal Light, etc.

CowPimp: You're right, I absolutely HATE cardio, 100%. There is nothing that I hate more than sitting on a damn treadmill or stationary bike. Instead of cardio if you notice I increase my training frequency to nearly every single day. That way my metabolism is always getting somewhat boosted by the resistance training so frequently.

The reason that I start a new journal after I binge is because for whatever reason that's almost my excuse or way of telling myself "it's okay to binge." I go into this whole mindset "well starting tomorrow I am going to be strict so I better enjoy this last night." Really immature way of thinking, I know.

 

[BritChick]

The reason that I start a new journal after I binge is because for whatever reason that's almost my excuse or way of telling myself "it's okay to binge." I go into this whole mindset "well starting tomorrow I am going to be strict so I better enjoy this last night." Really immature way of thinking, I know.

Hey at least you know 'why' you are doing it, now you just have to try to break the cycle.
Good morning babe.

 

[M.J.H.]

BritChick: Good morning, thanks for stopping by. Yeah I do completely realize the problem, and I just want to overcome it, that's all.

 

[M.J.H.]

Saturday; 12-11-2004

• Training:
  
  Seated DB Presses
  3 sets of 5 with the 90's
  2 sets of 9 with the 75's
  
  Nautilus Lateral Raises
  3 sets of 8 with 200
  
  Upright Rows
  4 sets of 6 with 165
  
  DB Shrugs
  3 sets of 9 with the 100's
  
  Good workout this morning I think, I was a little bit foggy-minded in the gym today. Hit shoulders pretty hard. I guess because I didn't have any stimulants or food in my before I went to the gym. Oh well. Decent workout, regardless.

• Diet:
  
  Preworkout: 1 scoop of Swole
  Postworkout: whey protein + 1% milk
  Meal 2: turkey & cheese sandwich, mixed fruit
  Meal 3: 1/2 turkey & cheese sandwich
  Meal 4: 2 chicken breasts, cheese potatoes
  Meal 5: tuna salad wrap
  Meal 6: turkey & cheese sandwich
  Meal 7: chicken noodle soup
  Meal 8: whey protein + 2% milk

• Sleep: 7 hours. Better, but still I would like 7+ every single night, without fail.

 

[Mudge]

Thats what life is all about, finding what works for you and how to overcome those things you would like to defeat.

 

[Cold Iron]

There's just something about this journal that makes me believe it's going to be the "one"

GL Bud

p.s Learn to enjoy life more....it will make EVERYTHING easier. You seem to be very overly critical of yourself. For example, you always say "i think i had a good workout". I dont think I have ever seen you definitively say you've had a great or even good WO. Your never good enough attitude, i think is what leads you to binging and whatever else is ails you. Whether that be an accompanying depression or whatever. You seem like a very good person Mike, so start to face your problems before they get worse. Good luck with everything bro, I am hard on myself too but you gotta step back and look at the whole picture sometimes.

Tyler

 

[Mudge]

I am self deprecating like that as well, and it can be a negative influence. Have to balance things carefully.

 

[M.J.H.]

Mudge: I think that I basically just need to break all of my bad habits, I mean honestly I think that I just have some negative habits that are tearing away at me. Bottom line, the binging has to stop, and the repeated journals have to stop. This is getting out of control.

Tyler: Thank you for your support, bud. Means a lot. I am definitely like Mudge said very hard on myself. Even if I slip up and cheat at all I feel like I just have to binge because I feel so bad about even slightly cheating on my diet. I can't eat just a scoop of ice-cream or a piece of cake. I have to go crazy and eat the entire thing. Basically because I feel like I am letting myself down in a way. I am going to try and like you said though, look at the big picture.

 

[Mudge]

My cheats used to be a medium pizza OR 1/2 gallon of ice cream, once a week

I remember we talked about Taco Bell before. Any avoidance of shopping markets or fast food is a neccessity when trying to eat clean for me. I will buy my food ahead of time and always at a bulk food store, never a regular grocer where they have junk left and right.

Also, missing meals is a big problem for me, because thats when I get those cravings.

 

[sara]

Mike, you have a training partner? or someone you can exchange meals with?

 

[JerseyDevil]

The reason that I start a new journal after I binge is because for whatever reason that's almost my excuse or way of telling myself "it's okay to binge." I go into this whole mindset "well starting tomorrow I am going to be strict so I better enjoy this last night." Really immature way of thinking, I know.

I agree with BritChick (without the good morning babe reference ). With this statement you are conceding to the problem, and that is a great start.

I'm wondering if you are too hard on yourself. You look great, lift awesome (real) weights, and played the high profile tailback position in high school football. Most guys would be envious including me. Maybe you are just not meant to be 5% bf, read a 'pure' bodybuilder. You know what I'm saying?

 

[camarosuper6]

Your the man. Do it. No excuses. No compromise. Get up every day at the same time, and go to bed the same time.

Have a set schedule and DO IT.

 

[M.J.H.]

Mudge: I completely agree with what you said about missing meals, bud. I mean every single time I miss a meal I end up craving something that is completely off-limits so to speak. I am thinking about allowing myself to cheat once every 5-7 days or so. But I am not sure what, that's the only problem. And the other problem is that when I start to pig out, I end up going all out and stuffing myself until I feel like I am going to puke. So I do need to come up with something, I am just not sure what at this point.

sara: Nope, no training parter, I have always preferred training alone.

JerseyDevil: Very inspirational post, bro. I agree that I am extremely hard on myself. I just can't help myself for whatever reason. I end up overthinking every scenario and finding the worst possible outcome, if that makes any sense. I think I just need to work on seeing everything more positive. For example right now I am broke as a joke, but it could definitely be worse, etc.

camarosuper6: My schedule man is just something that I need to really focus on. I end up working until 10 or 11 o'clock at night and then go out with my girlfriend afterwards, and don't get to sleep until 3 or 4 in the morning. It's just a horrible pattern. I need to focus on getting to sleep around 2 o'clock every night. That would give me a solid 8 hours.

 

[M.J.H.]

Sunday; 12-12-2004

• Training:
  
  CG Preacher Curls
  5 sets of 5 with 105
  
  Skullcrushers
  5 sets of 5 with 115
  
  Reverse Curls
  3 sets of 9 with 85
  
  One-Arm DB French Presses
  3 sets of 9 with the 40's
  
  Good workout this morning I think, didn't have time to go to the gym so I worked out in my basement. Went up 10 lbs. on preachers and skulls with the same form/ROM as my last arm workout.
  
  Overall workout was definitely solid, no complaints at all. My lats are still sore though from hitting them a few days ago.

• Diet:
  
  Preworkout: 1 scoop of Swole
  Postworkout: whey protein + 1% milk
  Meal 2: turkey & cheese sandwich, mixed fruit
  Meal 3: 1/2 turkey & cheese sandwich
  Meal 4: 3 breaded parmesan chicken breasts
  Meal 5: grilled chicken soft taco
  Meal 6: tuna salad pita
  Meal 7: scrambled eggs
  Meal 8: peanut butter

• Sleep: 6.5 hours. Damnit, couldn't fall asleep last night.

 

[BigDyl]

Nice workout.

But, damn, I can't do anything on 6.5 hours of sleep. If I don't get at least 8, and take a short nap before I lift, I'm dead. On the weekends i usually get 10, and I'm still tired if i don't take a nodos.

 

[simbh]

Whats up bro. I can give you a little tip with sleep. When you want to fall asleep , try sticking in one position and just close your eyes. This usually works for me when I have trouble falling asleep. When I cant sleep , I have a tendency to move around a lot , and that doesnt help at all.

As for the meals , try to plan your stuff. I know it aint easy sometimes , but I work at a pizza place and my boss always offers me to make me a pizza each time I work. Even if I love pizza , I never eat some for 1 reason . I bring my lunch from home and I have every meal planned that I can eat at work. So , even if I see 50 pizzas in front of me , I dont feel the need to eat em cuz Im full anyways.

Hope this helps dude. GL and dont be too hard on yourself.