Why you never question a drunk...

[Arnold]

WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK...

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk
standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated,
'You must be single.'

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the
derelict's intuition, since I indeed had never found Mr. Right. I looked
at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my
selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status..

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said, 'Yes you are correct. But how
on earth did you know that?'

The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.'

 

[IronAddict]

Self deprication is awesome!

But anyone that can pull a women like Gena, has got something going on!

 

[Madmann]

why you never question a drunk...

the drunk replied, 'cause you're ugly.'

Rolling on Floor Laughing.

 

[REDDOG309]

Coffee meet keyboard, thanks

 

[Vibrant]

prince you're looking for Mr.right? I thought you already had Mrs.right

 

[Dark Geared God]

 

[dogsoldier]

The only thing that happened to me in the supermarket checkout was when a hairy pitted vegan type female started making gagging sounds at all the meat I was buying.

 

[woodwalker]

The only thing that happened to me in the supermarket checkout was when a hairy pitted vegan type female started making gagging sounds at all the meat I was buying.

i would have turned around and stuffed some meat down her pie hole

 

[Curt James]

More supermarket humor:

The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

"Why?"

"Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."

 

[Curt James]

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.

"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently."

"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Goodbye, Mother!' ? It would make me feel so much better."

"Sure," answered the young man.

As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!"

As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.

"How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"

"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.

 

[IronAddict]

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.

"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently."

"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Goodbye, Mother!' ? It would make me feel so much better."

"Sure," answered the young man.

As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!"

As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.

"How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"

"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.

lol It's baby doe''s up in this mug.

 

[Curt James]

And a drunk joke:

A drunk walks into a bar, sits down and demands a drink. "Get out," says the bartender. "I don't serve drunks here."

The drunk staggers out the front door, only to come back in through the side door. He sits at the bar, bangs his fist and demands a drink. "I just told you to get out, didn't I? Now LEAVE!"

The drunk gets off his stool, stumbles out the side door and, comes back inside through the back door. Once again, he sits at the bar and loudly asks for a drink. The bartender, now glowing mad, looks at the drunk and yells "I TOLD YOU, NO DRUNKS ALLOWED, NOW GET OUT!!!"

The drunk looks up at the bartender and slurs "How many bars do you work at, anyway?"