- Joined
- Jul 23, 2004
- Messages
- 2,644
- Reaction score
- 34
- Points
- 0
Since moving to a more urban setting, I see "men" sometimes and I think to myself "you are so fucking pathetic you might as well be wearing lipstick and a purse." You see these guys wearing v-neck sweaters, driving mini-vans with some bleeding heart bumper sticker like "try vegetarian", or even worse "my cat is smarter than your honors student," drinking Starbucks caramel-homochinos with extra whip cream, 30 pounds over weight, with some 2 pound chihuahua on a pink leash wearing a pink sweater, following around some wretched old battle-ax, carrying her boxes of shoes and feminine products.
Maybe its just my imagination, but I have been seeing a lot, lot more of these types of people since I moved to a more urban environment.
Seriously, if you do not do at least 3 of the following things, your man-card is revoked:
-Mow your lawn (paying someone doesn't count. If you don't have a lawn, get one.)
-Drink man-beer. These include: budweiser, miller, coors, or anything comparable. Anything called "ultra-light" is explicitly excluded.
-Drink whiskey, scotch, or rum. Vodka is acceptable if mixed with tonic or taken straight. Anything mixed with a "diet" soda doesn't count.
-Make more money than your wife or girlfriend.
-Bench press your weight at least ten times.
-Do at least 15 pull ups
-Own a gun. Anything smaller than 9mm doesn't count.
-Hunt
-Camp at least twice a year (your car must be at least 1 mile away to qualify)
-Drive a pick-up truck, or something with 8 cylinders. If there is a mini-van with 8 cylinders, that doesn't count.
-Hiking (around the neighborhood doesn't count)
-Drive a manual transmission.
-Chop firewood.
-Own a dog over 35 pounds.
-Own a motorcycle.
-Hate the mall.
-Own at least two power tools.
Subtract 1 point if you any of the following apply:
-You watch sports and talk about sports, but have never played a sport.
-You have ordered an appletini or anything comparable in the last year.
-You own one or more cats, but no dogs.
-You are a vegetarian.
-You have never been in the wilderness. A gravel trial in a state park doesn't count.
-Your wife or girlfriend outweighs you.
-Your wife or girlfriend dictates what you do on any given day, more than twice a week.
Maybe its just my imagination, but I have been seeing a lot, lot more of these types of people since I moved to a more urban environment.
Seriously, if you do not do at least 3 of the following things, your man-card is revoked:
-Mow your lawn (paying someone doesn't count. If you don't have a lawn, get one.)
-Drink man-beer. These include: budweiser, miller, coors, or anything comparable. Anything called "ultra-light" is explicitly excluded.
-Drink whiskey, scotch, or rum. Vodka is acceptable if mixed with tonic or taken straight. Anything mixed with a "diet" soda doesn't count.
-Make more money than your wife or girlfriend.
-Bench press your weight at least ten times.
-Do at least 15 pull ups
-Own a gun. Anything smaller than 9mm doesn't count.
-Hunt
-Camp at least twice a year (your car must be at least 1 mile away to qualify)
-Drive a pick-up truck, or something with 8 cylinders. If there is a mini-van with 8 cylinders, that doesn't count.
-Hiking (around the neighborhood doesn't count)
-Drive a manual transmission.
-Chop firewood.
-Own a dog over 35 pounds.
-Own a motorcycle.
-Hate the mall.
-Own at least two power tools.
Subtract 1 point if you any of the following apply:
-You watch sports and talk about sports, but have never played a sport.
-You have ordered an appletini or anything comparable in the last year.
-You own one or more cats, but no dogs.
-You are a vegetarian.
-You have never been in the wilderness. A gravel trial in a state park doesn't count.
-Your wife or girlfriend outweighs you.
-Your wife or girlfriend dictates what you do on any given day, more than twice a week.
