Suicide. Anyone thought about it?

[IronAddict]

I don't think there are many that don't feel depression at times and in varying degrees. between the naturally occurring depression that I have and my PSTD from combat I definitely have my bad days, weeks and months. most of my friends view my life is being "perfect" and would never understand, the shrinks at the VA just want to medicate me.

fixing things is easy for me, but not much any of us can do about the human condition.

I had no idea, you and I paddle the same goddamn boat.

I think you know how I palliate my condition.

Phuq Zoloft!

 

[DOMS]

I don't think there are many that don't feel depression at times and in varying degrees. between the naturally occurring depression that I have and my PSTD from combat I definitely have my bad days, weeks and months. most of my friends view my life is being "perfect" and would never understand, the shrinks at the VA just want to medicate me.

fixing things is easy for me, but not much any of us can do about the human condition.

Try meditation. It literally changes the way the brain works--for the better, obviously.

Zen mindfulness is the bomb. There's also healing with light.

I do mindfulness once or twice every day. If you want, I can turn you onto specific books and recordings.

 

[myCATpowerlifts]

Zen is great, until you read nietzsche and he flips it on it's head...kind of like every variation of thinking before his time

But I still dig zen.

 

[phosphor]

I had the normal teenage angst where I would think I would 'get back' at my parents and off myself - somehow, the notion of it at the time seemed so dramatic and fanciful. Something like out of A Christmas Story where Ralphie starts day dreaming and his mom and dad are next to him and his mom is wailing 'Oh Ralphie!' in dramatic fashion.

If my wife ever smartened up and left my ass, I would prolly want to off myself. We have an adorable daughter together and seeing her every other weekend would drive me over the edge. She is the reason why I get up in the morning - and my wife helps me along with the proverbial foot in the ass

 

[DOMS]

Zen is great, until you read nietzsche and he flips it on it's head...kind of like every variation of thinking before his time

But I still dig zen.

What's the gist of his point?

Some of stuff is very good, while other parts are garbage.

 

[LAM]

I had no idea, you and I paddle the same goddamn boat.

I think you know how I palliate my condition.

Phuq Zoloft!

been a long time now....

they sent me to level I & II in the Navy after some alcohol related incidents while on leave in the early 90's. the kicked me out of Level II the the 2 or 3 day of the 1st week of the class, instructor told me there's nothing they could do for me after reading my service record thoroughly.. my CO loved me, according to the UCMJ they should have admin discharged me but I got a pass and was capped to E-6. he hoped I would re-enlist and having a choice of a new command would help but I saved up my leave and got out a couple of months early. looking back I'm pretty sure I joined the SF expecting or hoping not to make it home. I loved my boat team but the CO could see the conflict I was having.

I pretty much quit drinking when I moved away from Philly 10+ years ago, the environment there was a very big stressor for me, I was miserable with a capital M. if I had kept drinking no doubt by now I would have gone out in the garage laid down some plastic and blown my head off. I go through an easy oz of kgb a week now, myself. sometimes it helps, sometimes it makes it worst.

 

[myCATpowerlifts]

What's the gist of his point?

Some of stuff is very good, while other parts are garbage.

I think it was Human, all too Human
or possibly
On the Genealogy of morals.

He basically says: Buddhists are people who would rather Will Nothing,
than to Not Will.

And he makes cases for why it's buffoonery.

Pretty good.

I prefer some of his other stuff though.

 

[DOMS]

He basically says: Buddhists are people who would rather Will Nothing,
than to Not Will.

Granted, this is your single sentence summation of what he wrote, but it sounds like his perception of Buddhism is not only wrong, but backwards.

I'll have to read up more to see if that is genuinely what he meant.

 

[myCATpowerlifts]

Granted, this is your single sentence summation of what he wrote, but it sounds like his perception of Buddhism is not only wrong, but backwards.

I'll have to read up more to see if that is genuinely what he meant.

I understand where you're coming from, and I agree to a point.
The point of buddhism to is to Not Will. Perhaps he got semantically confused? Though I find that hard to believe...
No one can be sure at this point.

Afterall, he had not internetz.

 

[CG]

i dont know what has kept me from doing it. i thought about it alot in the past. grew up the bastard son of an extramarital affair, with just my mom, bi-polar as they come. she spent years depressed to the point of not leaving bed for weeks at a time, which sucks to deal with at 14.

spent countless winters without heat, or adaquate food, which is most likely the reason ive got this constant blub that doesnt go away. spent about 9 months with no heat, hot water or electricity. talk about fucking depressing.

its hard to explain to your friends/gf, that even though you go to a school that costs 10g's a year, you cant have any one over, and you try to be home as little as possible, since the amish had it better than me.

though i may be quite intelligent, i am fond of doing stupid shit. my extended family is oen of two ways, they are so smart it hurts, or so smart they hurt themselves with constant repetative destructive behavior.

perhaps i am too dumb to be legitimately depressed, perhaps even if i was, i am too damn proud to admit it. i always feel like i have something to prove, and i am destined for something greater than i currently have, no matter how much or how little i do have.

maybe, its the stubborn irish in me that is just too motherfucking stubborn to let shit bother me. On often occasions where people expect me to lose my shit on someone that i am forced to tolerate, i always reiterate the same point "i fucking hate every fucking person for one reason or another." (plus or minus the "fucking"'s of course.) maybe i am depressed, maybe i am cynical as hell, maybe i am toom stupid to be either, however, one thing is for sure, i will never outright admit guilt, a personal flaw, or my true emotions.



i think i need help lol

 

[CG]

additionally, in response to DOMS's 12 people list, I have accomplished two things courtesy of this list; 1. I now have a list of the 12 people i envy most in the world. 2. This list is the same as the "12 people that i need to punch in the face before I die" list as well

 

[LAM]

I understand where you're coming from, and I agree to a point.
The point of buddhism to is to Not Will. Perhaps he got semantically confused? Though I find that hard to believe...
No one can be sure at this point.

Afterall, he had not internetz.

isn't that a form of existentialism? didn't Nietzsche write about it?

 

[Radical]

Suicide is a late correction for those who shouldn't have been born in the first place.
Total waste of sexual intercourse, and epic incompetence by their parent who didn't abort.

 

[ihateschoolmt]

Suicide is a late correction for those who shouldn't have been born in the first place.
Total waste of sexual intercourse, and epic incompetence by their parent who didn't abort.

What the fuck? You're an idiot.

 

[CG]

Suicide is a late correction for those who shouldn't have been born in the first place.
Total waste of sexual intercourse, and epic incompetence by their parent who didn't abort.

i would beg to differ. but we are allowed our own opinions, no?

 

[Radical]

What the fuck? You're an idiot.

What part of that didn't your tiny mind understand?

i would beg to differ. but we are allowed our own opinions, no?

Thanks for telling something I already knew, real helpful and enlightening.

 

[ihateschoolmt]

i would beg to differ. but we are allowed our own opinions, no?

No, not really. Fuck his opinion.

 

[myCATpowerlifts]

i would beg to differ. but we are allowed our own opinions, no?

Don't acknowledge that kid, he's just a straight troll.

 

[IronAddict]

been a long time now....

they sent me to level I & II in the Navy after some alcohol related incidents while on leave in the early 90's. the kicked me out of Level II the the 2 or 3 day of the 1st week of the class, instructor told me there's nothing they could do for me after reading my service record thoroughly.. my CO loved me, according to the UCMJ they should have admin discharged me but I got a pass and was capped to E-6. he hoped I would re-enlist and having a choice of a new command would help but I saved up my leave and got out a couple of months early.

I pretty much quit drinking when I moved away from Philly 10+ years ago, the environment there was a very big stressor for me, I was miserable with a capital M. if I had kept drinking no doubt by now I would have gone out in the garage laid down some plastic and blown my head off. I go through an easy oz of kgb a week now, myself. sometimes it helps, sometimes it makes it worst.

That's good you were given a break, past performance means a lot in those given circumstances. My name found it's way on the police blotter too, more than a couple of times and I attended some classes, also. I was never brought up on charges, just lectured by an angry xo, co a couple of times. Ah, yes, those were the day's, NOT!!

Shit, does wonders for me. I haven't slept soo good, since, I was in the womb!

 

[Diesel618]

Radical should kill himself

 

[myCATpowerlifts]

i dont know what has kept me from doing it. i thought about it alot in the past. grew up the bastard son of an extramarital affair, with just my mom, bi-polar as they come. she spent years depressed to the point of not leaving bed for weeks at a time, which sucks to deal with at 14.

spent countless winters without heat, or adaquate food, which is most likely the reason ive got this constant blub that doesnt go away. spent about 9 months with no heat, hot water or electricity. talk about fucking depressing.

its hard to explain to your friends/gf, that even though you go to a school that costs 10g's a year, you cant have any one over, and you try to be home as little as possible, since the amish had it better than me.

though i may be quite intelligent, i am fond of doing stupid shit. my extended family is oen of two ways, they are so smart it hurts, or so smart they hurt themselves with constant repetative destructive behavior.

perhaps i am too dumb to be legitimately depressed, perhaps even if i was, i am too damn proud to admit it. i always feel like i have something to prove, and i am destined for something greater than i currently have, no matter how much or how little i do have.

maybe, its the stubborn irish in me that is just too motherfucking stubborn to let shit bother me. On often occasions where people expect me to lose my shit on someone that i am forced to tolerate, i always reiterate the same point "i fucking hate every fucking person for one reason or another." (plus or minus the "fucking"'s of course.) maybe i am depressed, maybe i am cynical as hell, maybe i am toom stupid to be either, however, one thing is for sure, i will never outright admit guilt, a personal flaw, or my true emotions.



i think i need help lol

I've heard much worse my friend.
Imagine growing up in africa, getting raped and genitally mutilated all before your a preteen...
Anyway, still your life sounds like it has been tough especially compared to your american peers.
My life story is slightly similar, grew up poor as fuck, on welfare food stamps, had a bipolar former drug addict mother, and a flake possibly schizo drug addicted father.

Read philosophy to understand yourself better.
Try Shrooms a few times, smoke pot.
It all comes together man.
Everyone can see and experience beauty no matter their condition.
It's all in the mind.
its all in the mind.

 

[myCATpowerlifts]

isn't that a form of existentialism? didn't Nietzsche write about it?

Yes, but I don't believe the term was coined until after his death.

Nietzsche wrote about many philosophical topics..He was the socrates of his time. Always questioning and always razor sharp with his inspections.
He did go crazy before he died though, so you've gotta take it all with a grain of salt.
No one is sure whether he went crazy from the disease he had, or whether is was inherent in his genius... he must have felt incredibly alone.

I'm no where near his status and yet I feel alienated from most people due to their lack of intelligence.
I don't think I'm smarter. I just know more SHIT!

 

[LAM]

I've heard much worse my friend.
Imagine growing up in africa, getting raped and genitally mutilated all before your a preteen...

there's 1,200 rapes a day in the Congo....

 

[ihateschoolmt]

I saw a documentary about Liberia one time, it was so fucked up. I think they said 50% of of women have been raped 70% of the raped women were under 12 the first time it happened. Also the war lords bring in a child before battle and cut their heart out while they are alive (obviously they die in the process) and eat the heart before battle so their enemies fear them.

 

[DOMS]

I saw a documentary about Liberia one time, it was so fucked up. I think they said 50% of of women have been raped 70% of the raped women were under 12 the first time it happened. Also the war lords bring in a child before battle and cut their heart out while they are alive (obviously they die in the process) and eat the heart before battle so their enemies fear them.

You're describing so much of Sub-Saharan Africa. Johannesburg is the rape capital of the world.

 

[myCATpowerlifts]

And that's why we say they are sub-human.

 

[TJTJ]

i dont know what has kept me from doing it. i thought about it alot in the past. grew up the bastard son of an extramarital affair, with just my mom, bi-polar as they come. she spent years depressed to the point of not leaving bed for weeks at a time, which sucks to deal with at 14.

spent countless winters without heat, or adaquate food, which is most likely the reason ive got this constant blub that doesnt go away. spent about 9 months with no heat, hot water or electricity. talk about fucking depressing.

its hard to explain to your friends/gf, that even though you go to a school that costs 10g's a year, you cant have any one over, and you try to be home as little as possible, since the amish had it better than me.

though i may be quite intelligent, i am fond of doing stupid shit. my extended family is oen of two ways, they are so smart it hurts, or so smart they hurt themselves with constant repetative destructive behavior.

perhaps i am too dumb to be legitimately depressed, perhaps even if i was, i am too damn proud to admit it. i always feel like i have something to prove, and i am destined for something greater than i currently have, no matter how much or how little i do have.

maybe, its the stubborn irish in me that is just too motherfucking stubborn to let shit bother me. On often occasions where people expect me to lose my shit on someone that i am forced to tolerate, i always reiterate the same point "i fucking hate every fucking person for one reason or another." (plus or minus the "fucking"'s of course.) maybe i am depressed, maybe i am cynical as hell, maybe i am toom stupid to be either, however, one thing is for sure, i will never outright admit guilt, a personal flaw, or my true emotions.



i think i need help lol

???Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.??? - Arnold Schwarzenegger.

 

[maniclion]

I think it was Human, all too Human
or possibly
On the Genealogy of morals.

He basically says: Buddhists are people who would rather Will Nothing,
than to Not Will.

And he makes cases for why it's buffoonery.

Pretty good.

I prefer some of his other stuff though.

Buddhism like everything else has yin & yang, like the show I saw on Bhutan and Gross National Happiness. Even though I think it sounds like the most awesome place where material possessions aren't as valuable as just meeting your basic needs for life to be happy. I couldn't help feeling like everyone seemed like a cult member, they all were smiling dumbly, and they have a national dress code, I saw little kids in the buddhist schools and they were rocking back and forth in prayer like you see the muslim kids in madrasahs. The video seemed like the cultural affairs minister only allowed certain puppets to speak. When they went out into the smaller towns in rural areas the people didn't even know what Gross National Happiness was, not all of them were smiling, though many did but I don;t know if the documentary maker made them do this to make the film slant in the way they wanted it to. It just seemed to perfect so when I did a little research I find out that their King who acts humble was educated at Oxford, his hair just seems too Clint Eastwood and at one point it shows him telling a child to kiss him on the cheek several times, the kid doesn't want to, you would think a humble man would humble himself and kiss a baby instead of making the reluctant baby kiss him....I don't know we'll see how he does. Also I found that they do have normal people who want to wear westernized clothes, deal with drug problems, crime, and sexual promiscuity with teens, not be stuck at only doing art related to religion, etc....


I would kill myself if I didn't have some depression, it drives my creative processes as much as feeling happy does....You wouldn't have Van Gogh's Starry Night if he wasn't trying to self-medicate with absinthe and seen the sky like that in a drunken swirl(I've had a few nights like that which inspired some of my best poems especially the one about - If there are halo's around the lights does it mark me soon to die, the night I felt so good it felt like my smile was in an infinite spiral.

I think that has been my greatest salvation, being able to remember times when I have felt so alive, even if they have mostly been under the influence, at least I was feeling something wonderful and can look forward to more times like them.

But not all of my happy experiences involve drugs or alcohol, I can experience life without them too, like today I am on a manic high and I was up until 3:30am writing some awesome poetry on a sad subject

 

[myCATpowerlifts]

Buddhism like everything else has yin & yang, like the show I saw on Bhutan and Gross National Happiness. Even though I think it sounds like the most awesome place where material possessions aren't as valuable as just meeting your basic needs for life to be happy. I couldn't help feeling like everyone seemed like a cult member, they all were smiling dumbly, and they have a national dress code, I saw little kids in the buddhist schools and they were rocking back and forth in prayer like you see the muslim kids in madrasahs. The video seemed like the cultural affairs minister only allowed certain puppets to speak. When they went out into the smaller towns in rural areas the people didn't even know what Gross National Happiness was, not all of them were smiling, though many did but I don;t know if the documentary maker made them do this to make the film slant in the way they wanted it to. It just seemed to perfect so when I did a little research I find out that their King who acts humble was educated at Oxford, his hair just seems too Clint Eastwood and at one point it shows him telling a child to kiss him on the cheek several times, the kid doesn't want to, you would think a humble man would humble himself and kiss a baby instead of making the reluctant baby kiss him....I don't know we'll see how he does. Also I found that they do have normal people who want to wear westernized clothes, deal with drug problems, crime, and sexual promiscuity with teens, not be stuck at only doing art related to religion, etc....


I would kill myself if I didn't have some depression, it drives my creative processes as much as feeling happy does....You wouldn't have Van Gogh's Starry Night if he wasn't trying to self-medicate with absinthe and seen the sky like that in a drunken swirl(I've had a few nights like that which inspired some of my best poems especially the one about - If there are halo's around the lights does it mark me soon to die, the night I felt so good it felt like my smile was in an infinite spiral.

I think that has been my greatest salvation, being able to remember times when I have felt so alive, even if they have mostly been under the influence, at least I was feeling something wonderful and can look forward to more times like them.

But not all of my happy experiences involve drugs or alcohol, I can experience life without them too, like today I am on a manic high and I was up until 3:30am writing some awesome poetry on a sad subject

That's a very interesting story.
here's my thoughts:

1: you can't enforce philosophy.

Philosophical ideals, are just thought matrices.
They are Sets. They are blueprints. They are thought-experiments.

A child should not be taught or forced into ANY kind of thinking or prayer.
Other wise they will rebel against it.
That is nature.

So no matter how glorious or bright the philosophy...A person must COME TO IT. It cannot be put to the person.

This is why children need more freedom than adults. They have much less information, their perspectives are much cleaner, their slates are blank.

Buddhism is a REACTION to life, to stimulation, to influence.
Children can't understand it for this reason.


Anyway, as for the 2nd part of your post. I don't think suffering is necessary for creativity, but it does appear after the fact.
Thinking of "depression" as a necessary phase to bring about artistic manifestation is probably not too healthy...

I think those individuals are just people who needed to express their emotions more than most, and thus create. Akin to "god".

 

[DOMS]

I understand where you're coming from, and I agree to a point.
The point of buddhism to is to Not Will. Perhaps he got semantically confused? Though I find that hard to believe...
No one can be sure at this point.

Afterall, he had not internetz.

I read up a little on him and Buddhism. From what I've read, he did seem to misunderstand some of the fundamental concepts of Buddhism.

I'm not Buddhist, so I don't really know if what I've read is 100% accurate.