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Captn's cabin

I live gentleman, I live...

Last friday i went to bar to console a buddy about a girl, and by that i mean drink heavily. As i walk in my friends are shitfaced and screaming like maniacs. I immediately started shots of jack to ease the suffering. One friend was the shining star, from screaming at the bartender to pouring beers in his front pocket he then moved on to fucking with other people. His girlfriend took a cab home terrified, she got mad and went to the bathroom so he started kicking the door yelling at her. If we didn't know the bartenders so good he was gonna get destroyed. Final he starts talking to some black dude, i think he got a couple words in before i grabbed him by the neck and threw him outside. He sits down and starts drinking this bums beer, so i go inside to get the bum a beer cause i mean shit he's a bum. I go back out he and my friend have their shirts off and are wrestling. It ends in a quick bodyslam. As the wasted kid is recovering he see a couple walking by and pulls his pants down and starts to jerkoff on a s2000. That's when i threw him in the car and made my friend take him home. I then go back in the bar proceed to get black out like nothing happened and woke up on my couch with a ton a voicemails saying i stuck my friend with the tab and my girl freaking on me.

Pretty good night...
 
Glad to see yer still kickin, and you're my alcohol hero. Nobody destroys themselves better than captn'stabbin
 
haha! the Captains' liver transplant must have taken!
 
haha! the Captains' liver transplant must have taken!

Damn i might need one. I'm all geared up and went on a binge and my ankles swole up. Not sure what the deal is but hopefully i'll die and not have to deal with it.
 
well i'm back to being single thorough the grace of zeus. So hopefully i should have some updates...
 
made out with a hot jew last night, i'm a fucking disappointment to my own thread. At least i should have got an old fashion...
 
made out with a hot jew last night, i'm a fucking disappointment to my own thread. At least i should have got an old fashion...

good werk!

You know jews are circumcised, yeah?:daydream:
 
good werk!

You know jews are circumcised, yeah?:daydream:

i'm cool with a discount...



i was out till 7am last night and had to work at 10am.

spoils of war
1 number
80$ tab
terrible hangover
 
ran my self dehydrated on this 46 year old, then went to the bar and made a medium ass out of myself. still trying to screw that jew but i get to fucked up to really make it happen.

tab 1 55
tab 2 25
tab 3 66

covered in sharpie, clit lord on my knuckles, dick dasterdly mustache and some weird heart triangle possible cock on my arm...
 
lots of parties this weekend should have some good stories. i have a decent one from tuesday. I'll try to get it down soon... Don't worry it has male nudity and women crying...
 
I wanted to write a book when i was 18 about my stories heres one of them.

Written when 18.

Strip Club Saga

With me turning 18 I am now an adult in the eyes of the law...not a good thing, but me always looking on the bright side of every situation I am happy that I will finally be able to go to a strip club for my very first time. So the first time i ever went to a strip club was by myself on a friday night, because all my friends decided to go on vacation or have family events they hard to partake in. I decided to drink the last of the vodka i had on the way to the strip club so i would have a better time...alone. I pull up to the strip club somewhat drunk and take a seat against the wall far from the stage so i can let all the live nude women all sink in along with the quarter of the bottle of vodka i drank. Im chilling and of course all the strippers are giving me attention because they don’t see young studs like myself everyday. I shew them away because i wanted my first lap dance to be with the hottest stripper in the club and she was on stage. Then the vodka kicks in and it hits me like a fucking brick wall, I am drunk and start talking to the strippers, finding out why they are strippers, and what are the perks of the job, does it come with a health plan? Free STD tests? What? Sadly to say none of those come with the job except a cocaine problem and a unwanted child. Finally after what seemed years the stripper I wanted to give me a lap dance comes off stage and comes up to me, calls me cutie and puts her hand down my shirt. I get a lap dance and during the lap dance which was the best 4 minuets of my life at the time, the stripper starts licking my dick through my pants...and me being the smart I free balled it and was wearing basketball shorts. I was very happy then it was over. So as I walked out of the lap dance room i had the biggest boner of my life and of course it was sticking horizontally out and somehow the slut who was working the register spotted me and started pointing and laughing. I casually did the “up tuck” and walked out of the club. Now i am siting in my car texting all my friends and telling them about my night and how it was much better than theirs. I am the fucking man to them because they never had the balls to go to the strip club ever and i did. The next week my friends came back from vacation and they were all eager to go...i guess i was the test dummy. One problem was all my friends were 17. We decided to go anyway, and of course we drink on the way there. I am drunk once again and this time I am with my best friend since Kindergarden. I am praying that they don’t I.D. us and trying to remember back to last week they didn’t I.D. me so it shouldn’t be a problem. We get into the club and both are wasted. With me being there last week was all cocky and thought i knew everything. So I start getting loud and obnoxious, I am belligerently screaming at the strippers on stage yelling “SPREAD YA LEGS,” “IN YOUR ASS” and things of that nature. I am also barley tipping them and they still are holding conversations with me, this could only mean one thing, I am the best looking guy in this strip club..not much competition needless to say. My best friend gets inpatient and wants a lap dance. I get a text from a kid who I go to high school with and he asks what i am doing..so i go to the bathroom to text so they don’t think im some type of pervert trying to take pictures. I tell him where i am at and he is with his friends. They say they will be there in 20 minuets. They finally walk in after 40 minuets of waiting and he was with kids I did not know because these kids were from the local public high school. The group of guys consists of two of us who are 18, one who is 17 and two who are 16. They sit by us and the 16 year old kid who i just met goes “THIS IS SO UNSANITARY.” Then my friend Gl*** who never went to a strip club before is sitting by the stage and looks the happiest i have ever seen him. I look away for a second then Gl*** is talking to a stripper on stage. The stripper starts fingering her asshole, and Gl*** shouts “DON’T FUCKING FINGER YOUR ASSHOLE FINGER YOUR PUSSY SLUT” she stops and waves the smelly finger right in his face. Once i see this go down I know either A) we are in trouble or B) this is going to be the best night ever, so I started harassing the strippers even more by throwing my dollars at them, cheering them on, folding my dollars into mini airplanes and throwing them on stage. The strippers just took whatever i said they did nothing about it. I felt like i was their master or their pimp whatever i said they did i could disrespect them and they would do nothing about it. It was the best feeling ever. The next day Ry** and I go to the strip club again...we are officially degenerates in my eyes. Of course we drink on the way...because the strip club is more fun when your drunk. We go and I am the loudest, cockiest, most disrespectful person to these strippers I am calling all them bitches and sluts right to their faces and they are taking it like it is their fucking job...maybe it is i am not too sure. Then I notice the hottest stripper i have ever seen on stage. I pull up my cum stained wheeIy chair up to the stage and i tip her multiple times. Soon as she gets off stage I pull my chair away from the stage and start talking to Ry** and im mind blown, it was my perfect type of girl. The stripper and her friend sit directly behind us. I point this out to Ry** and the stripper who i am in love with is standing up wearing a thong and her ass was amazing. I do a “desecrate” point to my friend, so i thought and she turns around right as i point to her ass. Then she backs up and basically squishes my hand in between the seat and her ass. I start talking to her and find out she is 20 years old and from Freehold, which was about 15 minuets from me, and that the friend is her sister. I start “spitting game” which i have none of. I tell her i am 19 years old and attend the local community college (what a catch huh?). We talk for about 30 minuets and she has to go on stage again. I am in love with this girl, and when she was on stage and other guys were tipping her i would got jealous so I screamed at her to get her attention so she only focused on me I was screaming “HE HAS HERPES DONT GO TO HIM” every time another guy would attempt to tip her...and it worked. She was done stripping and came back to talk. Now I start harassing her for her phone number. After about 10 minuets of harassment and pure cockiness by me she gives in and i get her number. Ry** and I get a lap dance from her and her sister. During the lap dance I glance over and Ry** is fingering her sister...I am sitting here just chilling with a naked bitch on me and Ry** gets to finger his girl? What the fuck...the dance ends. We go out to pay and the manager of the club was right by the register for the lap dance room. We walk out i give her the money and i slap her ass. She turns around and kisses me on the lips in front of the manager. The manager bugs out and starts screaming at us “YOU TWO HAVE BEEN DISRESPECTING OUR CLUB AND OUR GIRLS THE WHOLE NIGHT AND YOU PULL THIS?” I reply “WELL ITS NOT OUR FAULT YOUR GIRLS LIKE US SO MUCH KEEP THEM ON A FUCKING LEESH ISN’T THAT YOUR JOB ASSHOLE?” ... “We kindly get escorted out of the club” which didn’t make a difference because we were leaving anyway. We get into the car and I instantly update my facebook status to “I AM FUCKING GOD...I JUST GOT A STRIPPERS NUMBER” so all my facebook friends could know who is the fucking man. Monday rolls around and I have to go back to school,on my ride back from school with Gl*** we were talking about what happened and out of nowhere he was like “yo bro hit her up today” I was a bit skeptical but i thought why not, so i texted her and went to see what she was doing at night. I had school the next day so if i could chill like from 7 to 10 it would be fine. Shockingly she is free too and she wants to hang out. I pick her up in Freehold around 6ish and i had nothing planned so we decided to see a movie. The movie was the worst movie i’ve ever seen and not to mention there was about 3 people in the theater including me and her and some random Asian guy. We leave the movie early and early meaning in the first 15 minuets because that’s how bad it was. We get back to the car confused on what to do. I am afraid to make the first move, so I just tell her “I have no game” so that she will make the first move and get the ball rolling. She goes “What does that even mean” I go “never mind” I start thinking well your not getting anything tonight. Than I guess she was thinking about it and she goes “So what would you think of a girl who had sex on the first date?” To myself I was thinking well...you are a stripper, but I said “Nothing I would think that she really liked me and wouldn’t think twice about it” which was probably the smartest thing that ever came out of my mouth. She goes “Okay” then I reply “So you wanna hook up?” she goes “okay sure” so i am now driving around looking for places to hook up and i am not familiar with the area that well. She suggests a spot we go back there. The best way to describe this area is that you could get raped, tortured and murdered and no one would find out. I go fuck this we will just go to a empty street or something. I find colt-a-sack, and drive to the end and there are big houses so there is a lot of land between each house and it is not lit very well so its perfect. I throw all the seats down in the back so we can lay down. We start making out then she takes off her bra then her panties. I am completely clothed. So i need to step up my game and take off my pants so i do so. We make out for about 20 minuets which seemed forever. Then I go “Just blow me” She reply’s “You could ask nicely” Now im thinking wow ask a stripper to blow me nicely? but i reply “please blow me?” She starts blowing me. Then she goes “You aren't going to do the same for me?” Meaning to eat her out. In my mind there is absolutely no way i am eating out a stripper. So I tell her no. She gets mad and stops blowing me. I continue fingering her, and she goes just fuck me. So i go “Okay you got a rubber?” she goes “um...your the guy” I go “your the stripper...i thought those came standard” she gets offended. So i continue to finger her to hopefully change her mood. she goes “fuck it just fuck me” I go “Okay” but am worried about cumming inside this stripper since i dont know how long i will last or anything considering it is my first time. I start fucking her...she’s tight and fucking like a pornstar. I do about 5 or 6 pumps and get fearful that i will cum inside her and i tell her i can’t do it anymore. she calls me a bitch and i tell her blow me. she starts blowing me and goes “Yum my pussy tastes good” I am appalled. Blow job lasts 30 minuets and i still haven’t came. She gets tired so i just go ill just jerk off and tell me where you want it. She goes “On my tits” So i jerk off and finish in 15 minuets and bust my load all over these glorious tits. I drop her off the last thing she ever said to me was “Im mad you didn’t fuck me” Whatever if my dick penetrates a vagina i count it as sex...who wouldn’t. I check my phone and i have a message from the stripper worried. She goes “Shit that was so bad you don’t have anything do you?” I go “um.no” then she goes “You sure you didn’t cum in me?” I go “Um...yeah im sure” those are the last texts i’ve gotten from her. The next day i tell Gl*** about it the first thing he says is “Bro you got aids” then it all sinks in...”FUCK...I HAD SEX WITH A STRIPPER WITHOUT A CONDOM FUCK....GOOD LUCK CHRIS HAVE A HAPPY TIME DIEING AT 40” I get a STD test...and pass all in the clear..I am the luckiest man alive.
 
utterly unreadable . . . how about beaching that shit down into paragraphs? :coffee:
 
once again the captn' has plundered the booty... round of applause for booze and vagina...
 
Narcotics & pharmaceuticals?
 
yea i did some of those sat night...slept in the street in front of the bar, topless of course. had to push start my car...
 
Alright gents update... Friday i can't remember shit but my checking account says i spent 180 between two bars...

Saturday- drank at the beach, had a new one meet up but i can't really remember where or what time. But we head out to the bar with my boy. Another girl i bang meets up with a friend of mine. SO it got a bit awkward but there was plenty of whisky to fix that. I pull the Houdini and fuck this other one all over my place.
I take a shower and i guess i was so fucked up i didn't really close the curtain and fucked my bathroom all up.
Head out to a party but it's the wrong one and theres another girl i fuck there. i couldn't win, so i tried to pay no attention to them and talk to different girls. seemed like the best strategy i could come up with after taking two dynapeps. apparently me and my buddy were having a dance off, someone told him it was a costume party so he wore a spandex bike outfit. But thats neither here nor there.
The one girl sleeps over, at some point in the morning my Ex is pounding at the fucking door. She is demanding her fucking pyrex 2qt bowl back. She comes in luckily the other girl went into the bedroom, they know each other... SO she continues on to tell me i'm an asshole ans she fucked some guy last night. I promptly throw her out and tell her to fuck off and never show up here again. I'm done with that bullshit...

Sunday- Go to my boy's house and hit the beach. Weapons were sprite and handle of skol. Finish that then head to the bar, don't remember much. Apparently did some coke in the bathroom... I guess i made a decent impression on the bday girl at the party so my buddy gives me her number. Now it get's interesting. We head over to my friends parents house cause his brother is in town. We slam some more beers and smoke some of that legal weed. It tastes like shit... We start showing off some pics and shit, some girls but mostly disturbing shit. So he tells me to send his buddy some pics. Well i send one then get confused with the number of the bday girl and his buddy. I end up sending this chick pics of an aborted fetus, a guy taking a huge shit, a naked chick, and my buddy with a bum...
I don't think she is going to hang out or talk to me... Ooh well

Monday- broke and hungover with mild anxiety attacks sprinkled throughout the day...

Sweet life right here...
 
last couple weeks were a blur... Got alcohol poisoning, so i'm gonna go 30 days sober, 7 days in so far...
 
last couple weeks were a blur... Got alcohol poisoning, so i'm gonna go 30 days sober, 7 days in so far...

Take copious amounts of Adrol and Oral Tren throughout the rest of the 30 days, that should do it
 
hair o' the dog. It's the only scientifically backed cure for alcohol poisoning, and aids.
 
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