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So Im GETTING DIVORCED

this is very unfortunate. Im sorry for your and your wife. I have basically no faith in a divine power. I do believe in a certain order to life though. I would suggest that in 5 years down the road when you have a true shared passion with another woman this will all make more sense.( who knows maybe it will be with her again )
move on... wish her the best and truly mean it. your not ever going to escape her. co-parent and do the best you can.
some how I think you will be just fine
 
KILLEROFSAINTS said:
Im trying...THIS IS TOTALLY HER DECISION
Click to expand...

That is the worse one bro. Makes you feel powerless and wonder wtf happened. I know how this feels. Same shit is happening with me. 2 kids, life, everything built around each other and she just wants to walk away.
 
I know i fucked up...again...dont expect a get out of jail card...shes all like how could i ever trust you? Im like you just got finished lying to me for 4 years!...
 
dieseljimmy said:
this is very unfortunate. Im sorry for your and your wife. I have basically no faith in a divine power. I do believe in a certain order to life though. I would suggest that in 5 years down the road when you have a true shared passion with another woman this will all make more sense.( who knows maybe it will be with her again )
move on... Wish her the best and truly mean it. Your not ever going to escape her. Co-parent and do the best you can.
Some how i think you will be just fine
Click to expand...

yeah i actually suggested a trial sepration...we didnt have to see other people...but kinda go back to dating(each other) ...just try to eliminate whatever pressure she was feeling
 
can I ask how she found out about the strange ass?


I'm asking because if its something you told her about I would look very deep within myself to ask "why". It seems you've carried out your own self fulfilling prophecy




and as to women going after men in divorce...I get that bitterness but not everyone does. I was served so I cut bait and bolted...left him everything but demanded shared custody (not joint, shared..its different)
and know two single dads that got in one case, custody of his kid, in another the house and everything that wasn't hers (her clothes etc) and the kid.

so don't sink into despair over that either.
 
KILLEROFSAINTS said:
I know i fucked up...again...dont expect a get out of jail card...shes all like how could i ever trust you? Im like you just got finished lying to me for 4 years!...
Click to expand...

Two wrongs don't make a right.
 
sheriv said:
can i ask how she found out about the strange ass?


I'm asking because if its something you told her about i would look very deep within myself to ask "why". It seems you've carried out your own self fulfilling prophecy




and as to women going after men in divorce...i get that bitterness but not everyone does. I was served so i cut bait and bolted...left him everything but demanded shared custody (not joint, shared..its different)
and know two single dads that got in one case, custody of his kid, in another the house and everything that wasn't hers (her clothes etc) and the kid.

So don't sink into despair over that either.
Click to expand...

she had suspicions...i was acting diff...not following her around like a puppy...wanted her to bring me back...try to make up for her shit....she just stayed at a distance...every now and then she would ask me point blank for attention but wouldnt initiate...she finally started asking...i didnt want to lie like i did before
 
sounds like a bit of broken communication (obv if you dont know your sig other has a drug problem) and a little bit of acting out

in a perfect world how would you fix it?
 
NoCode8511 said:
NOW is the time to get that diet in check, hit the gym, and get fucking cut!!!

These types of situations suck so find something to keep you occupied.
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This is good advice, god knows it saved my arse. You'll need the iron man, if she has a drug problem then your kid is going to need at least one strong parent.

You'll also need us here too. The Lolz will save your sanity on your tough days. True story.
 
SheriV said:
sounds like a bit of broken communication (obv if you dont know your sig other has a drug problem) and a little bit of acting out

in a perfect world how would you fix it?
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don't know...I was totally happy...blew up in my face...if I could only go back
 
KILLEROFSAINTS said:
don't know...I was totally happy...blew up in my face...if I could only go back
Click to expand...


you're not being honest with yourself

totally happy people don't cheat unless there's a compulsion there...which could be the case. I don't know. You've been pretty free with how you were brought up so I'm guessing you have validation issues and having a withdrawn spouse may flare these possible issues up.

either way. you weren't totally happy.
 
A good START, being accountable and take responsibility for your actions with her. For now, It only matters you own your actions with remorse, you can't even begin to reconcile without that. It doesn't even matter what she does right now, own your part.

I would bet, Tonya will follow you again, if you show her you're worthy of being followed.
 
SheriV said:
you're not being honest with yourself

totally happy people don't cheat unless there's a compulsion there...which could be the case. I don't know. You've been pretty free with how you were brought up so I'm guessing you have validation issues and having a withdrawn spouse may flare these possible issues up.

either way. you weren't totally happy.
Click to expand...
I went back to cheating after she got busted and fired....this revealed she had been lying to me for 4 years...I thought the bond I was celebrating was fake or nonexistent...maybe impossible to attain
 
KILLEROFSAINTS said:
I went back to cheating after she got busted and fired....this revealed she had been lying to me for 4 years...I thought the bond I was celebrating was fake or nonexistent...maybe impossible to attain
Click to expand...

Drugs and alcohol fuck up peoples thought processes. She could have been hiding it for various reasons including shame. Get her cleaned up and keep your dick in your pants.
 
heavyiron said:
Drugs and alcohol fuck up peoples thought processes. She could have been hiding it for various reasons including shame. Get her cleaned up and keep your dick in your pants.
Click to expand...

she said it was cause she was afraid id leave her....especially with my history...I just thought we were in a different place...though she quit seeing me as judgemental angry guy...and more like her husband and friend...she says the motivation to reach out for help was how well we were doing...if it would have been me she reached out to...none of this would have happened...wouldn't be losing out house
 
have you explored every avenue to keep the home? (help through HUD etc)
financial burden makes everything multiplied times a million
 
mortgage hasn't been paid in few months...hopefuly the insurance we paid for buy us time...but I cant make what she made...its not possible
 
If it is at all possible to fix, do it. If not for you, for your son. He is what is most important and a split is going to leave him in a very fragile state to say the least.

Both of you messed up, both of you need to fix it, or at least try (if there is hope) for your son. You probably already know this but if it helps at all, read it again and again.

Best of luck.

Her running to mommy would drive me nuts, I understand your frustration with that.
 
KILLEROFSAINTS said:
mortgage hasn't been paid in few months...hopefuly the insurance we paid for buy us time...but I cant make what she made...its not possible
Click to expand...

You'd make a great personal trainer
 
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