At New York's Kennedy Airport today, an individual later discovered to be
a public
school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of
a ruler, a
protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he
believes
the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged
by
the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-Gebra is a fearsome
cult,"
Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and
sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret
code
names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have
determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with
coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say
'there are 3 sides to every triangle'."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted
us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more
fingers and toes"
a public
school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of
a ruler, a
protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he
believes
the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged
by
the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-Gebra is a fearsome
cult,"
Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and
sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret
code
names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have
determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with
coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say
'there are 3 sides to every triangle'."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted
us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more
fingers and toes"
