Do you avoid women with kids?

[Blooming Lotus]

Did you know that if you have more mirrors in a room you can save money on your energy bill because there's less of a need for extra lighting? I just thought of that.

Anyway my friend is currently dating a girl that has a young child. I felt the need to give my perspective on this whole thing because I'm 23 years old and so far it seems the only ones giving good analytical perspectives are at least 27. So about my friend. He's been dating this girl for about 8 months now, and I'll note he's my best friend in the world outside of my blood relatives. I call and talk to him and he mentions things about her having a child like how she'll get mad at him for not being a bigger part of her kid's life and he doesn't spend enough time with him... I mean the guy is 22 years old and never dated a girl with children before, and she knows this.

One thing I think a lot of girls who have kids don't realize is they have had this child for a while. A guy who just starts dating her is going to be new to the parenting game whereas she has been playing the role of the parent for the child's entire life to include the subsequent 9 months of preparing herself for it while she was pregnant. He's a good guy and he's making an effort but he's also active duty military and still very young. If a girl has a child she needs to put the child first, and he knows this, but I think it's wrong for them to expect a guy to be a good parent like figure after only a few months of dating.

This is only one example but the girls I've dated who had a kid or two showed the same feelings about it. They were always openly admiting to be looking for someone who's "going to be good for their child" I mean that's sort of a beat around the bush way of saying "looking for a father figure". Most guys our age aren't going to be ready for that, and even if they are willing, it's going to take some time before they're GOOD at it.

If a girl is a single mother, there's pretty much a 99% chance the real father is a piece of crap that ruined the relationship bad. The reason this matters is because it's more difficult to get the girl to start trusting you and being good with you because she'll be much more on the defense due to some douchebag leaving her with a child.

I understand what you're saying. ..butt.. we just figure that if you care about us you'll know or increasingly try to find out and know what's important to us.. and if it's important to uus, then you'll know us in ourr head and wear and share a mind toward it like it's important to you.. because we are.. and you doo want a chance... just as much as you understand we're trying to give you one right back.. since you asked for it and thought you meant it..
we caan be patient with you.. but you've got to let us know you want us to be.. or we might miss that.

 

[Soul of Sol]

Avoid them? Hell yes!!

 

[Blooming Lotus]

Yeah see you really did luck out in that sense. The scene was also sort of set for you it would seem. You recognized the fact that once you started "making her yours" that it would be hard on her if things didn't work out with the mother and therefor you would have had to already have built up the idea that you had a good chance for a future with her.

My friend on the other hand doesn't see this girl as marriage material (things like she doesn't go to college, doesn't have any long term goals, doesn't have a very good job, etc) plus him being in the military and planning on getting out in less than 2 years and returning to California (he's in Oklahoma right now) it's just not the kind of thing that's really going to last. Being 22 he shouldn't have to treat every girl like a potential wife either so it's not like he's being cruel by dating a girl without intending on getting married.

Partners without goals.. me with or withoout a kid, make me wonder what he point is or realise it wasn't going anywhere far aswell. It is a goadmmming hard thing to make ppl who aren't doing it realise why it matters. and rather than just sleep with them and have to break their hearts .. I'd rather let them pass.

 

[Blooming Lotus]

i think if a mom decides to let any guy into her and her child(ren)'s life she then needs to see how his relationship with the child develops on its own and not push it. a lot of guys will try to use me being a single parent by saying "don't you think they need a father figure?" "he should have a male role model around"

i just think children deserve people around them that honestly enjoy them and i guarantee you a good mom is way more picky about who is around her kids than you guys are whether a chick has kids or not. a guy that looks at a child and sees " oh boo hoo another guy came in my chick" or anything less than what a great little person you have had the privilege of meeting doesn't stand an ice cubes chance in hell with us anyway.

No joke they do that LW! Because we have kids or even aa kid, they get in their heads that we're docile or vulnerable and an easy catch if in their godly mercy they decide to spare us some time, when the truth of the matter is, after we've beeen through that, even when they just spot us out and try their luck, they're lucky if we think they're good enough to get within 10 reeal feet of any actual conversation between us.. let alone being someone we want to consider as a partner. Wanting to be together is a 2-way street.. we both equally do or we both equally don't.
Cool comment .

 

[Dumby]

No joke they do that LW! Because we have kids or even aa kid, they get in their heads that we're docile or vulnerable and an easy catch if in their godly mercy they decide to spare us some time, when the truth of the matter is, after we've beeen through that, even when they just spot us out and try their luck, they're lucky if we think they're good enough to get within 10 reeal feet of any actual conversation between us.. let alone being someone we want to consider as a partner. Wanting to be together is a 2-way street.. we both equally do or we both equally don't.
Cool comment .

I see the point you're making, but you have to understand some circumstances. This applies to all kids at one point I think, but a lot of adults take it way to far. About some stranger on the street that's a "child" you shouldn't make assumptions. Not speaking for my own cause here, but it's more about the miles then the years and a lot of "kids" out their have seen more and done more then a lot of adults I know. I guess what I'm trying to say is patronizing someone especially a child who knows what they're talking about is extremely arrogant. The true mark of adult hood is a quiet acceptance of others doubts while making difference where you can, and a constant perseverance to learn from every situation so that you can use it to your advantage. You can't understand something until you've lived it and sometimes the situation is that you haven't and some kid has. No one is too old to learn something new.

 

[Blooming Lotus]

my stepfather hated me n my brothers. he beat the crap out of us almost daily. blood bruises... emotional torture like killing our pets when he wanted to hurt us. guess this thread gives us a glimpse into the type of mentality behind some of that. he just wanted to fuck our mom. it's pretty pathetic that anyone can look into the eyes of a child n not see the child at all.

My reeal dad was like this alot when we were growing up.. after about child number 4..
that's what I mean. we think he just wanted to fuck ouur mum and when we weren't "miss world " " meet my heartbreaker/ guenius/ superstar athelete child" or whatever,-we were kind of a shitty consequence of that for him.. particularly since he conned her to quit work and let himm be bread winner.. hee gave emotional torture and neglect a whole other meaning!.. I think ppl that look a child and dont see them as a person are on a whole other planet where evverything is a bother and evvery one else is.. not forgetting they wre once children themselves and fuck if they 'd want to 've grown up being treated like they in return treat other babies and ppl .. I think my dad tries hard not to hate us or see us as a burden on his sex life and his pocket.. and stiill he had 7 of us! .. and other times he 's my biggest fan. He was a national / international athlete himself.. and my mums man before was a three hit wonder rockmusic superstar. Pretentious super babes I gett!!..funny creatures them mens.

 

[Dumby]

My reeal dad was like this alot when we were growing up.. after about child number 4..
that's what I mean. we think he just wanted to fuck ouur mum and when we weren't "miss world " " meet my heartbreaker/ guenius/ superstar athelete child" or whatever,-we were kind of a shitty consequence of that for him.. particularly since he conned her to quit work and let himm be bread winner.. hee gave emotional torture and neglect a whole other meaning!.. I think ppl that look a child and dont see them as a person are on a whole other planet where evverything is a bother and evvery one else is.. not forgetting they wre once children themselves and fuck if they 'd want to 've grown up being treated like they in return treat other babies and ppl .. I think my dad tries hard not to hate us or see us as a burden on his sex life and his pocket.. and stiill he had 7 of us! .. funny creatures them mens.

Because men are the only possible candidate for the abuse of a child? I can't speak for either of you, but it seems like a pretty shitty situation all around. I wonder if a more in-depth look at your childhoods wouldn't reveal a lot more truths then you think. I know my mom and dad played the shit talking game about each other for years to push me and my brother a certain way.

 

[Blooming Lotus]

yeah ??.. I wonder if ppl taking a good close look at their parents grandparrents childhoods might not also reveal more than we might've cared to want to know. Maybe that's why they act themselves and push us this way or that...and why we feel as do toward love relationships and kids .

 

[NordicNacho]

hell no!

 

[Little Wing]

I see the point you're making, but you have to understand some circumstances. This applies to all kids at one point I think, but a lot of adults take it way to far. About some stranger on the street that's a "child" you shouldn't make assumptions. Not speaking for my own cause here, but it's more about the miles then the years and a lot of "kids" out their have seen more and done more then a lot of adults I know. I guess what I'm trying to say is patronizing someone especially a child who knows what they're talking about is extremely arrogant. The true mark of adult hood is a quiet acceptance of others doubts while making difference where you can, and a constant perseverance to learn from every situation so that you can use it to your advantage. You can't understand something until you've lived it and sometimes the situation is that you haven't and some kid has. No one is too old to learn something new.

some very young "men" are more man than some guys two or 3 times their age. you cannot just assume anyone is made of this or that.you need to give a man of any age the chance to show what they are made of. then you sort out the playboys n kick them to the curb.

 

[Dumby]

some very young "men" are more man than some guys two or 3 times their age. you cannot just assume anyone is made of this or that.you need to give a man of any age the chance to show what they are made of. then you sort out the playboys n kick them to the curb.

Yeah, I hear that. As a young white male I catch a lot of static about what kind of person I'm supposed to be. People use "age & experience" as a crutch for ignorance. Wisdom is priceless, but you have to learn to walk before you run and a lot of older people especially women give off a "mad at the world" attitude. They play the whole "I'm so mature, and wise, and want this blah blah blah" and it's all the same thing "gimme gimme gimme" to disguise the fact they're unhappy.

 

[Fetusaurus Rex]

 

[Plateau_Max]

8 years later, while their father is "present", her and I are raising Daphnee and Nathan together, and she's pretty good at it To them, its just more mommy and they love relying on two women on love them. Theyre also lucky enough to have dad around.

Do your children face any social acceptance problems from this situation?

 

[Plateau_Max]

Partners without goals.. me with or withoout a kid, make me wonder what he point is or realise it wasn't going anywhere far aswell. It is a goadmmming hard thing to make ppl who aren't doing it realise why it matters. and rather than just sleep with them and have to break their hearts .. I'd rather let them pass.

Look she knows it's not going to last just as well as he does, just as well as I do from looking at it from my perspective. They have a healthy relationship they like each other, spend plenty of time with each other. The only thing I was trying to say is women with children can't expect young men who've never dated a girl with kids or had kids of his own to be a great father figure right away especially when the relationship isn't going to last anyway. Don't think that he's in it just to break her heart 'cause that's bull, he's a great guy, always has been and he's not out to break hearts.

 

[Little Wing]

Yeah, I hear that. As a young white male I catch a lot of static about what kind of person I'm supposed to be. People use "age & experience" as a crutch for ignorance. Wisdom is priceless, but you have to learn to walk before you run and a lot of older people especially women give off a "mad at the world" attitude. They play the whole "I'm so mature, and wise, and want this blah blah blah" and it's all the same thing "gimme gimme gimme" to disguise the fact they're unhappy.

what a lot of older women want is young men. there are a lot of playgirls out there too. there's nothing wrong with taking your time and dating different people in your youth to know more what you like or dislike in a partner. i just wish that guys who meet easy moms would give a little thought to what the woman's child is seeing her do.

a younger guy should be hanging out with women that can broaden his horizons and perspective. share experiences possible in the freedom of youth, discover life with him not sit him down n tell him what it's all about

i don't think it's fair for a really young guy to find himself in the shoes of a middle aged guy's life. and never underestimate an older womans ability to put you there with sex. being a single or divorced mom isn't easy but pushing the load on your shoulders onto a young guy even if he is mature enough to handle it and cares enough for you to willingly step up isn't always the best thing for him.

when you're young n longing for a muscle car be very suspicious of a woman trying to sell you a mini van. Live a while first and let her find a partner who's wings she doesn't need to clip.

 

[Little Wing]

that is so friggin cute.

 

[AKIRA]

When I dated an older girl with kids the first time, I really took to the youngest one. When we broke up (still dont know how or when, ist that fucking bizarre), I kinda missed her daughter.

When I saw her afterwards, her daughter came running up to me and hugged me. As much as I hate dating women with kids, that was a pretty good fucking feeling. Then again, that was the ONLY time the kids werent an obstacle, but a benefit.

Hmm...not to mention, that mom was the best fuck among the older girls Ive banged out. Jesus, what did I do to end it? How the hell can I not remember??

Anyway, in the long run, yeah, I guess wed have to end. She was a decade older than me and it would feel...weird.