[FONT=verdana,arial,helvetica] Cleaning the Pipes-The Horrors of Colonics[/FONT][FONT=verdana,arial,helvetica](post #1)[/FONT] [FONT=verdana, arial, helvetica]I started reading about Mucoid Plaque and was horrified. For those that don't know, Mucoid Plaque is a build up of shit and toxins in your intestine. Its black as coal and after years turns into this black membrane jellyfish looking thing. It will never come out unless you go and have it blown out with a colonic. I became obsessed with the crud in my body. I would lay awake at night imagining this river crud clinging to the inside of my bowels sending its toxic, years old shit bacteria right into my bloodstream. Supposedly having this stuff removed will make you healthier, give you more energy, etc. I don't know about all that but what I do know is I don't want that shit in me and if getting a colonic would remove it for my own peace of mind, I was all for it.
I pull up outside the colonic facility and, upon entering, realize this is some hokey, new age lesbian hang out. The woman working there takes me in this room filled with fake, plastic flowers and blaring new age music. She lights incense and proceeds to show me the hose I will be inserting into my ass, which looks like the casing of a pen, is brand new and packaged. She then shows me the table I will be laying on. Its a padded table with a big hole and drain that i have to stick my ass into, impaling myself on the coarse , erect hose she has just screwed into the water hole. She tells me to remove my clothing from the bottom half of my body, get on the table, insert the hose and ring the buzzer when i am ready to begin. Before leaving she puts a big blob of vaseline on the hose. This really sent up red flags with me as I learned in college that vaseline can cause infections in the anus and if you're going to use a lube for inserting anything into the anus it needs to be a water based solvent. I could not believe this "professional" didn't know something that basic and I almost called the whole thing off right then, but alas I am too polite so I decided to just go ahead and stick the thing in my ass. I was supposed to get the thing 3 inches in and I struggled for about 5 minutes trying to get my ass into the hole while also shoving this thing into my anus. I finally got it in but it hurt like hell.
I rang for her and she re-entered the room (i was covered with a towel). I told her the excrutiating pain i was experiencing. She told me I must have it in wrong, stuck her hand under the towel, pulled it out, and tried to reinsert it. She kept poking me about 1 inch lower than where my asshole was. I kept telling her to go higher. She made this comment about "Your anus is not in the right place" and laughed. I don't know if she was joking or not, but now I don't know if I am deformed or if she was just joking around. Maybe my asshole is in the wrong place? I can't see it to know. It would be like having a cocked eyeball and I am just uncomfortable thinking that i am a circus side show between my asscrack. She finally stuck her face eye to eye with my butthole and shoved it in. It didn't hurt but It really freaked me out and at that moment my anxiety began to rise. I was thinking "What the fuck am I doing here! I got to get out of here". It took every inch of my being not to run straight out the door to my car, pantless with the hose sticking out of my ass, and peel the fuck out of there Starsky and Hutch style.
After turning it on, she tells me "when you feel completely full, expell the fluid". She stayed in the room for the first expelling where I ripped the hugest fart I personally have ever heard (from me, someone else, or television and film). She said "Yes! Yes! thats very good! Thats exactly what i want!" very passionatly, which would have made me burst out laughing if I hadn't been impaled to a table with freeflowing water being blown up my ass. She offered me reading material which I declined but I was thinking to myself "yeah right, i'm going to sit in here reading woman's day while being internally hosed out for an hour".
There is a see through viewing tube where everything you expell passes. For the first few expulsions nothing but clean, clear water came out. Suddenly I got a blast of murky black water with a few chunks. It then went back to clear water, I think I saw a whole, entire piece of unchewed broccoli come out but I'm not for sure. I was filling up as fast as I was shitting it out. I was shitting at least every 30 seconds. Sometimes a few things would pass through the tube. I started thinking about my ass being in this hole and all the other people that had been in there that day. I wondered if this thing had been properly cleaned. I remembered I had a pimple on my ass...could I catch some incurable disease through my pimple? I was really begining to freak out. I thought about pulling it out and just leaving but if I did that, water would spray everywhere and I had no idea how to turn this middle ages death machine off, I really began to feel i was being raped or held against my will. Of course I wasn't but thats what it felt like. At some point I flailed my arm and knocked the buzzer I was supposed to buzz if I needed help to the ground and it fell behind the chair. I kept trying to reach it to no avail. Holy shit! What if this thing goes haywire and I can't get help. I just decided to forget about it. The incense was really starting to get to me. I could barely breath. It was like being in a war zone. Finally she comes back in after an hour, turns the thing off. I got dressed, went home and scrubbed myself off in the shower. I just felt "dirty". I'm supposed to get a second one withing 48 hours. This one was primarily to soften up the crud. I'm not sure if I will go back. It really made me feel bad, like I was not a man. I have not shit today and I have some stomach muscle cramping.[/FONT]
I pull up outside the colonic facility and, upon entering, realize this is some hokey, new age lesbian hang out. The woman working there takes me in this room filled with fake, plastic flowers and blaring new age music. She lights incense and proceeds to show me the hose I will be inserting into my ass, which looks like the casing of a pen, is brand new and packaged. She then shows me the table I will be laying on. Its a padded table with a big hole and drain that i have to stick my ass into, impaling myself on the coarse , erect hose she has just screwed into the water hole. She tells me to remove my clothing from the bottom half of my body, get on the table, insert the hose and ring the buzzer when i am ready to begin. Before leaving she puts a big blob of vaseline on the hose. This really sent up red flags with me as I learned in college that vaseline can cause infections in the anus and if you're going to use a lube for inserting anything into the anus it needs to be a water based solvent. I could not believe this "professional" didn't know something that basic and I almost called the whole thing off right then, but alas I am too polite so I decided to just go ahead and stick the thing in my ass. I was supposed to get the thing 3 inches in and I struggled for about 5 minutes trying to get my ass into the hole while also shoving this thing into my anus. I finally got it in but it hurt like hell.
I rang for her and she re-entered the room (i was covered with a towel). I told her the excrutiating pain i was experiencing. She told me I must have it in wrong, stuck her hand under the towel, pulled it out, and tried to reinsert it. She kept poking me about 1 inch lower than where my asshole was. I kept telling her to go higher. She made this comment about "Your anus is not in the right place" and laughed. I don't know if she was joking or not, but now I don't know if I am deformed or if she was just joking around. Maybe my asshole is in the wrong place? I can't see it to know. It would be like having a cocked eyeball and I am just uncomfortable thinking that i am a circus side show between my asscrack. She finally stuck her face eye to eye with my butthole and shoved it in. It didn't hurt but It really freaked me out and at that moment my anxiety began to rise. I was thinking "What the fuck am I doing here! I got to get out of here". It took every inch of my being not to run straight out the door to my car, pantless with the hose sticking out of my ass, and peel the fuck out of there Starsky and Hutch style.
After turning it on, she tells me "when you feel completely full, expell the fluid". She stayed in the room for the first expelling where I ripped the hugest fart I personally have ever heard (from me, someone else, or television and film). She said "Yes! Yes! thats very good! Thats exactly what i want!" very passionatly, which would have made me burst out laughing if I hadn't been impaled to a table with freeflowing water being blown up my ass. She offered me reading material which I declined but I was thinking to myself "yeah right, i'm going to sit in here reading woman's day while being internally hosed out for an hour".
There is a see through viewing tube where everything you expell passes. For the first few expulsions nothing but clean, clear water came out. Suddenly I got a blast of murky black water with a few chunks. It then went back to clear water, I think I saw a whole, entire piece of unchewed broccoli come out but I'm not for sure. I was filling up as fast as I was shitting it out. I was shitting at least every 30 seconds. Sometimes a few things would pass through the tube. I started thinking about my ass being in this hole and all the other people that had been in there that day. I wondered if this thing had been properly cleaned. I remembered I had a pimple on my ass...could I catch some incurable disease through my pimple? I was really begining to freak out. I thought about pulling it out and just leaving but if I did that, water would spray everywhere and I had no idea how to turn this middle ages death machine off, I really began to feel i was being raped or held against my will. Of course I wasn't but thats what it felt like. At some point I flailed my arm and knocked the buzzer I was supposed to buzz if I needed help to the ground and it fell behind the chair. I kept trying to reach it to no avail. Holy shit! What if this thing goes haywire and I can't get help. I just decided to forget about it. The incense was really starting to get to me. I could barely breath. It was like being in a war zone. Finally she comes back in after an hour, turns the thing off. I got dressed, went home and scrubbed myself off in the shower. I just felt "dirty". I'm supposed to get a second one withing 48 hours. This one was primarily to soften up the crud. I'm not sure if I will go back. It really made me feel bad, like I was not a man. I have not shit today and I have some stomach muscle cramping.[/FONT]
