mmafiter
Banned Member
So, I 'm walking down the street the other day and I see this woman coming towards me. I nod my head and get a quick look at her and see she's so ugly even the tide wouldn't take her out. I quickly avert my gaze as I snicker and think to myself, "I wouldn't take her to a dog fight -- even if I thought she'd win!"
Suddenly this bastion of beauty
stops and says "Excuse me."
"What's this!" I think to myself. "Good Lord this big ugly woman is going to ask me something! I can't stand around looking at this ugly mug, I'll puke!" Suddenly I blurt out; "I'll put my foot so far up your ass, your breath will smell like shoe polish !!" Then feigning righteous indignation I yell; "I'll kick your ass so hard, you can wear your asshole for a necklace !! "
She stops and blinks stupidly, obviously if brains were gas,she couldn't drive a piss-ant's go-cart around a cheerio. "No." she says, "I was just walking by and I couldn't help notice you. Is your name mmafiter?"
I looked at this beast with real trepidation. How did it know my name? How did it find me? Was this one of those stalkers everyone talks about? Needless to say I'm as nervous as a two-bit whore in church. "Yes, that's my name." I reply.
"Shit fire !!! " she exclaimed! "I've been looking all over for you!" and she clapped her hands gleefully. "I'm Kuso's mom! All he ever does is talk about this great Canadian man he corresponds with on the internet. He tells great stories of your heroism and prowess with women. So much so, that I just HAD to come here and find you, and discover for myself what it would be like to be with a real man."
I was taken aback! Good Lord, I knew Kuso was ugly, but to be born of such a creature as this? It's too much to bear! That gene pool could use a little chlorine. I took her hand and told her I was married to a she-beast named w8lifter. And ever since that football team incident back in '98, she swore she'd be faithful, even though there's WD-40 on the zipper of her jeans.
Well, Kuso's mom shook like a dog shittin' peach seeds, and then started bawling. She began telling me of her life back home and I could tell she's been rode hard and put away wet.
I looked at her and thought of what I could do to help this poor, ugly, ugly creature. The inspiration struck! I have a retarded friend who lost a testicle in a meat grinder. He's so horny,that the crack of dawn isn't safe! He's the turd of misery, but what the hell, beggars can't be choosers.
I explained my idea to Mrs. Kuso. Her eyes lit up and she cried out in joy! "Oh thank you! Thank you!" she said "You're a gentleman and a scholar and a credit to your father and forefathers before you."
I gave her directions and she skipped on her way. Poor little bugger. As Mrs. Kuso was being violated in everyway possible, I whistled down the street patting myself on the back, knowing I could talk the dogs off of a meat truck.
Suddenly this bastion of beauty
stops and says "Excuse me.""What's this!" I think to myself. "Good Lord this big ugly woman is going to ask me something! I can't stand around looking at this ugly mug, I'll puke!" Suddenly I blurt out; "I'll put my foot so far up your ass, your breath will smell like shoe polish !!" Then feigning righteous indignation I yell; "I'll kick your ass so hard, you can wear your asshole for a necklace !! "
She stops and blinks stupidly, obviously if brains were gas,she couldn't drive a piss-ant's go-cart around a cheerio. "No." she says, "I was just walking by and I couldn't help notice you. Is your name mmafiter?"
I looked at this beast with real trepidation. How did it know my name? How did it find me? Was this one of those stalkers everyone talks about? Needless to say I'm as nervous as a two-bit whore in church. "Yes, that's my name." I reply.
"Shit fire !!! " she exclaimed! "I've been looking all over for you!" and she clapped her hands gleefully. "I'm Kuso's mom! All he ever does is talk about this great Canadian man he corresponds with on the internet. He tells great stories of your heroism and prowess with women. So much so, that I just HAD to come here and find you, and discover for myself what it would be like to be with a real man."
I was taken aback! Good Lord, I knew Kuso was ugly, but to be born of such a creature as this? It's too much to bear! That gene pool could use a little chlorine. I took her hand and told her I was married to a she-beast named w8lifter. And ever since that football team incident back in '98, she swore she'd be faithful, even though there's WD-40 on the zipper of her jeans.
Well, Kuso's mom shook like a dog shittin' peach seeds, and then started bawling. She began telling me of her life back home and I could tell she's been rode hard and put away wet.
I looked at her and thought of what I could do to help this poor, ugly, ugly creature. The inspiration struck! I have a retarded friend who lost a testicle in a meat grinder. He's so horny,that the crack of dawn isn't safe! He's the turd of misery, but what the hell, beggars can't be choosers.
I explained my idea to Mrs. Kuso. Her eyes lit up and she cried out in joy! "Oh thank you! Thank you!" she said "You're a gentleman and a scholar and a credit to your father and forefathers before you."
I gave her directions and she skipped on her way. Poor little bugger. As Mrs. Kuso was being violated in everyway possible, I whistled down the street patting myself on the back, knowing I could talk the dogs off of a meat truck.
)
Now that was funny! ! ! mmafiter you must stay up all night to think these up. w8lifter you have your hands full I bet all the time, never a dull moment in your house LMAO!
