online lover

[buff_tat2d_chic]

online "relationships"

I am curious to what the general opinions are on this board regarding online "relationships".


IYO is it "cheating"?

 

[ZECH]

Have something to tell us Buff??

 

[buff_tat2d_chic]

No, just wondering

Hmmmm....not gonna answer??

 

[Arnold]

yes they are.

Here is a question that Dr. Phil said is a good way to determine if what you're doing is wrong or bad:

If your spouse were standing over your shoulder would you still do it?

So, if you're doing something online, talking with someone, whatever, ask yourself if you would do/say/type, etc. if your husband or wife were standing right there watching you?

If the answer is no, then it's not right and you should not be doing it. Period.

 

[Eggs]

Sure its cheating... and if you consider cheating wrong, then its wrong.

I consider cheating wrong, so yeah.

Some people will of course say "well its just online... its not for real... I'm not really having sex... etc". And to them I say that I think you're just trying to nit pick the concept of cheating to aleviate your own guilt.

Now, if you dont think its wrong... then by all means go ahead, but I hope your RL partner feels the same way so you dont hurt them too bad when they find out.

To me the biggest issue is the dishonesty of it. Lying to the person you are with is wrong, and I think more often than not you'll also be lying to yourself about it as well. If you want to have somebody online, well... by all means. But be up front about it, tell your partner that their real life stimulation isnt cutting it and you need some "digital action" and let them decide what their thoughts are on the situation. Because of course, they are the ones that have to live with your actions.

 

[DaMayor]

Originally posted by Prince
yes they are.

Here is a question that Dr. Phil said is a good way to determine if what you're doing is wrong or bad:

If your spouse were standing over your shoulder would you still do it?

So, if you're doing something online, talking with someone, whatever, ask yourself if you would do/say/type, etc. if your husband or wife were standing right there watching you?

If the answer is no, then it's not right and you should not be doing it. Period.

Naturaltan is, of course, the exception to the rule inthis case.

It's really quite simple......cheating is cheating.....in my opinion. But I might have an entirely different belief system than you or Kuso. Ooops, did I say Kuso?
Sometimes people feel the need to explore, or stumble into situations (separate argument) You just have to ask yourself if it is really worth the consequences.

 

[Eggs]

True DM... life is all about weighing whether a certain action is worth the consequences that will result from it. We of all people should know this

We lift weights, and the consequence is get bigger and stronger (well, theoretically Not if you suck at it )

It also of course applies to cheating just as much so. If you arent willing to deal with the consequences, then dont do it.

and yeah, NTs situation is quite a bit different. They're fun is quite mutual, and it works for them.

 

[buff_tat2d_chic]

Now this was just a hypothetical question and poll...I wanted to see what general views here were. A few weeks ago I opened a can of worms by saying that we (me and my husband) had "others" in our relationship...got everyone so heated up that Prince closed the thread lmfao So I wasn't going to mention it, BUT when you brought my good budy NT into it, I figured it would be ok.

Anyway, can't say that I haven't had my ups and downs in my marriage, but everyone does. I have been married 15 years and that lifestyle HAS NOT hurt us...it's pretty exciting.

Ok, now that being said. Do you still feel the same way if the spouse/sig other knows? What if it IS something you would do with your partner standing there. Is it not cheating then?

Here we go....

 

[naturaltan]

Let me put my 2 cents in for what it's worth ... cheating is cheating. We believe that online or any other form of sex without your partners consent or approval is wrong ... and we abide by that rule. As hard as it may seem to understand, we consdier cheat it cheating. And I guess the reasoning is that we do what we do as a couple. There are couples that choose to allow their partners the freedom to do what they want - and if that works for them, great. I believe that the rule with those couples is still that they let their partner know what is going on, and not doing so, even in a very free relationship, is still considered cheating.

 

[buff_tat2d_chic]

Well put NT.

I was wondering when you'd drop in.

I chatted with your wife a little today. She is really nice. Gonna try to do it again sometime.

 

[Arnold]

Originally posted by buff_tat2d_chick
...got everyone so heated up that Prince closed the thread lmfao

how do you know that I closed it?

 

[Leslie]

Originally posted by Prince
yes they are.

Here is a question that Dr. Phil said is a good way to determine if what you're doing is wrong or bad:

If your spouse were standing over your shoulder would you still do it?

So, if you're doing something online, talking with someone, whatever, ask yourself if you would do/say/type, etc. if your husband or wife were standing right there watching you?

If the answer is no, then it's not right and you should not be doing it. Period.

That goes with how you act with real people in life as well, not just online friends.

 

[naturaltan]

so I read ... carry on ...

another 2 cents (that makes 4 altogether) ... my wife does not like me chatting with other ladies that we have encountered. She is not comfortable with that because conversation amongst everyone in the group normally becomes sexual, so talking sex without her being in on emails/pm is considered cheating in our household. As much freedom as we seem to have, we do live within some very adhered to boundaries.

 

[katie64]

I agree with all of the above, I met my recent/present/X/BF, not sure what the hell he is at this point, but I met him online, fell madly in love and 4 months later (4 days after he put a ring on my finger) found out that he had 22 email accounts and long list of women, pics and love letters and was saying the same shit to me that he was to them, grrrrrrrrrrr, and being the gullible, naive, stupid woman that I am when I'm in love, I stayed with him, it has never been the same since then and I will never trust him again, cheating is like taken someone's heart out and crushing it in front of them until it doesn't beat anymore, and it's something you never forget, at least I don't, if you couldn't tell I'm a true believe in faithfulness and I am definitely a one man woman...........

BTW, if you couldn't tell, I'm excellent at research, I figured out one password and it kept leading me to all the other accounts, wow, I'm still bullshit about this..........what an asshole he is....

 

[katie64]

Originally posted by naturaltan
so I read ... carry on ...

another 2 cents (that makes 4 altogether) ... my wife does not like me chatting with other ladies that we have encountered. She is not comfortable with that because conversation amongst everyone in the group normally becomes sexual, so talking sex without her being in on emails/pm is considered cheating in our household. As much freedom as we seem to have, we do live within some very adhered to boundaries.

Good for you NT, you and the beautiful Mrs. have a great healthy relationship...........

 

[naturaltan]

Katie ... that is definitely cheating in a big way!! Time to give that guy the boot and don't look back!

 

[katie64]

Originally posted by buff_tat2d_chick
Now this was just a hypothetical question and poll...I wanted to see what general views here were. A few weeks ago I opened a can of worms by saying that we (me and my husband) had "others" in our relationship...got everyone so heated up that Prince closed the thread lmfao So I wasn't going to mention it, BUT when you brought my good budy NT into it, I figured it would be ok.

Anyway, can't say that I haven't had my ups and downs in my marriage, but everyone does. I have been married 15 years and that lifestyle HAS NOT hurt us...it's pretty exciting.

Ok, now that being said. Do you still feel the same way if the spouse/sig other knows? What if it IS something you would do with your partner standing there. Is it not cheating then?

Here we go....

What thread, where was I, I wanna come to TX and visit Buff..........I consider myself single, I can do that...........

 

[katie64]

Originally posted by naturaltan
Katie ... that is definitely cheating in a big way!! Time to give that guy the boot and don't look back!

I don't know how I got a double quote there.....hmmmmmmmm

edit, edit...........stupid computers

 

[katie64]

Originally posted by naturaltan
Katie ... that is definitely cheating in a big way!! Time to give that guy the boot and don't look back!

I know it sucks, but I tell ya, when I fall, I fall hard and deep, my man goes on a pedestal, some times they don't belong there........

 

[buff_tat2d_chic]

Originally posted by Prince
how do you know that I closed it?

Cause you told us you were closing it...too many hot heads

 

[buff_tat2d_chic]

Originally posted by katie64
I wanna come to TX and visit Buff..........I consider myself single, I can do that...........

If you are ever in TX give us a yell

 

[katie64]

Originally posted by buff_tat2d_chick
If you are ever in TX give us a yell

My plan is to come down this winter, I'll be going to Plano but I want to meet all the IM Texas beauties, too

Oh and I'll be kidless(woohoo), they'll be with my Mom in Florida, going there first...........

 

[Arnold]

Originally posted by buff_tat2d_chick
Cause you told us you were closing it...too many hot heads

oh, that is a good way to know then.

 

[buff_tat2d_chic]

Originally posted by Prince
oh, that is a good way to know then.

LOL Yes it is

 

[kuso]

Originally posted by Leslie


That goes with how you act with real people in life as well, not just online friends.

Thats a good point. I don`t see why so many people feel that being online makes any difference in they way you interect with other people.......seems to me it often brings out the worst in many.

 

[kuso]

And buff, you said you`d keep this our secret

 

[buff_tat2d_chic]

Originally posted by kuso
seems to me it often brings out the worst in many.

What are you try'in ta say??!!?!? Whats your fucking point?!?!?!?!?!

j/k

 

[DaMayor]

Originally posted by kuso
Thats a good point. I don`t see why so many people feel that being online makes any difference in they way you interect with other people.......seems to me it often brings out the worst in many.

What are you talking about!!! You frickin' jerk!! Tell me what I'm about will ya!?! Sheep Humper tude:

Heh heh heh.

 

[buff_tat2d_chic]

Originally posted by kuso
And buff, you said you`d keep this our secret

Well babe I just couldn't help myself

 

[DaMayor]

Looks like it's Me and Buff who have the secret!.....Or a lot in common..