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So Confused!!

ncgirl21

ncgirl21

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My boyfriend and I (of three years) were engaged, owned our own home and everything. He use to push me around and stuff and call me names sometimes but I always took him back. (He never really hurt me, he left bruises some, but it just didn't hurt) By no means was I perfect, I would yell back, but I was never a violent person. This last time he came home drunk and busted the gutters on the outside of the house and I made him leave with his sister. That was three weeks ago. The first few days he cried and cried about how he would change. (This happened on a Saturday night). The following Friday night I saw him and he was drunk after he had promised he would stop drinking. He says- what does it matter, were not dating. But, at the same time he says he wants me back. But, in my head I know I should leave him alone, because as I'm sitting here typing this I've got a black eye that still hasn't gone away from last Mondays "event" of the night. But his excuse for this is that he was drunk and I bruise easy.

I don't understand how I can love someone SO much that I put up with this ####. Now I'm being pathetic and I hate myself for it. I'm begging him to come home and he's just like- "I don't know, we argue a lot." I did everything for him- cooked, clean, babied him, hell- I cut the #### boys toe nails!! We were super close and when he was good to me he was super good. It's like- right now all I'm doing is thinking about the *good* times and how I could have done things different. Now I just feel like I messed up, like he's really not that bad that I'm the reason why he acts like that because that's what he tells me. I'm lost.......... confused and pathetic. Somebody please give me a little advice, I've never felt so alone in my whole life. I just feel, literally, like someone has ripped my heart out and stomped on it.

One minute he tells me that I'm pretty and the next minute he says that he can do better. This is him (in the picture where it says me and my boyfriend):

http://www.geocities.com/dreaswebpage/index.html
(only let's so many people access per hour).

I'm just so confused. I love him so much, but I don't know what to do???
:confused:
 
I will give you my opinion.

You described my stepson who is 20 this month. When he loses his temper he goes absolutely ballistic. The next morning he tells everyone how sorry he is and that it will never happen again. It always does happen again, and will continue to happen again until he gets some help.

You need to get away from him, because all of his promises are worthless.
 
You're emotionaly broken and you need to seek help because you're just going to keep picking guys like this unless you stop the problem. Before doing that you need to pack your shit and get away from this psychotic wreck before he really snaps and does something worse than bruise. Oh, i've heard it before and I know you're thinking it now, "We love eachother, he'd never do anything worse." A guy who hits you doesn't love you.
 
Nc, You know exactly what to do! Just do it!!! Yes, it's hard, but in the long run you'll be a happier healthier person.

If you love and care about yourself, you won't let this happen.

That's all I have to say. The answer is within yourself.

You're in my prayers
Babs:kiss:
 
Any man who treats women like that is not a man. Alcohol is probably his biggest problem. When me and my girlfriend got together we decided to sober up because we had seen too many relationships tank due to it's presence. Wash yourself of him and take advantage of having learned your lesson.
 
Six months ago I was sitting in your place. For too long I had told myself that things could be worse, be happy for what you have, and this wouldn't happen if I was a better person. The worst part was that I felt if I wasn't with her then my life was over and nobody else would want me.

Eventually, I hit the bottom of the hole I was digging. The last time I walked out the door, I figured I would make it a week before I went crawling back to her and so did she. I told myself to give it a week and then another week and then another week. Now it has been six months and the only regret I have is that it took me so long to do something.

Whether you leave or stay with him, you won't make it until you get some help. Talk to you doctor about what is going on and have him recommend a counselor for you. Taking your boyfreind with you is up to you.

What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.
 
He use to push me around and stuff and call me names sometimes but I always took him back. (He never really hurt me, he left bruises some, but it just didn't hurt)
Click to expand...

If a man touched me, his ass would not EVER get up off the floor.
You don't deserve someone who will hurt you, even if it is "just bruises", those lead to other things. Noone should have to put up with that kind of bs from anyone.
 
In all honestly, you are making excuses for him.

This guy has problems, alcohol probably being the major one. You cannot get him through it, you cannot help him overcome it, HE has to decide to get HIMSELF through it. If you must, suggest he visit a AA meeting and get himself sobered up.

Many a man that has killed a woman, has hurt them before. It may be bruises now, but this kind of shite tends to escalate. Do yourself a favor, take counseling if you feel it will help, but by all means - GET AWAY FROM THIS GUY.

Hope all goes well.
 
YOU my dear can do much better.

No man should ever hit a woman.
 
if you aren't ready to do something now...can you at least get yourself to an alanon meeting. you may be surprised by how much his drinking impacts your behavior. i hope you'll consider it.
 
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you need to drop him like a bad donut...lol...

You are so beautiful
and your a great person

you can do way way way way better

so do it
and dont look back
 
I am not here to judge him or your relationship but sometimes the problem is a little deeper than you might think.
It is impossible to diagnose if he has a disorder but it sounds like Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Check this website and go through the links to get more accurate information about it:
http://www.survivingthenarcissist.com/
Don´t forget that only a professional can judge if he has something like that.
If you can´t workaround the problem, don´t forget that the world has more than 6 billion people. :shrug:
 
its not easy but i say dump him. It sounds like its just getting worse. And i cant stand a man who can hit a woman.
 
its not narcicism, and anything else ncgirl, and its not necessarily that he is a bad guy persay or that he doesn't love you. dear, he is an alcoholic and you are his co depenent. Its not that he means to break his promise, it his disease of addiction and you are a victim. He needs to get himself into treatment for his alcoholism, he needs to be in inpatient so he can work towards recovery, and you need to get in contact with alanon and work out your codependency issues. This will not remedy itself, I guarantee it. You cannot ration the situation into changing and you will NOT be able to change him. Only he can change and he has to do it for himself by getting into treatment. He will relapse and each time he drinks llike this it will get worse, trust me. You both have some issues you need to work out, things won't just change. You can sit there and listen to all eth advice anyone can give you, but seriously if I were you I would take the time and learn a little something about alcholism and addiction, and in your case codependency. I have seen ti a million times.

here is a link to the alanon web site. do yourself a favor and visit it and start the process fo recovery for both of you. Its not just his problem, you both have issues you need to work out. Good luck, you can do it.
Alanon AA anomymous web site :thumb:
 
Originally posted by gr81
its not narcicism, and anything else ncgirl, and its not necessarily that he is a bad guy persay or that he doesn't love you. dear, he is an alcoholic and you are his co depenent. Its not that he means to break his promise, it his disease of addiction and you are a victim. He needs to get himself into treatment for his alcoholism, he needs to be in inpatient so he can work towards recovery, and you need to get in contact with alanon and work out your codependency issues. This will not remedy itself, I guarantee it. You cannot ration the situation into changing and you will NOT be able to change him. Only he can change and he has to do it for himself by getting into treatment. He will relapse and each time he drinks llike this it will get worse, trust me. You both have some issues you need to work out, things won't just change. You can sit there and listen to all eth advice anyone can give you, but seriously if I were you I would take the time and learn a little something about alcholism and addiction, and in your case codependency. I have seen ti a million times.

here is a link to the alanon web site. do yourself a favor and visit it and start the process fo recovery for both of you. Its not just his problem, you both have issues you need to work out. Good luck, you can do it.
Alanon AA anomymous web site :thumb:
Click to expand...

Ecxellent advice gr81. Listening to doc dru teaches you a lot of things about people in general. I was going to ask some questions, but feel it may be inapropriate. NcGirl, you need to see a counselor and get your BF to contact AA. This is a destructive relationship, and nothing good will come of it without help.
 
such a beautiful and obviously loving woman, having to deal with this... I really hope that you'll seriously talk to someone about this... you will be SOOO much happier in the long run... I mean, imagine if your son or daughter was being treated this way by him... how long would you put up with it... I believe you need to hold yourself to this same standard...
 
Originally posted by Stickboy
In all honestly, you are making excuses for him.

This guy has problems, alcohol probably being the major one. You cannot get him through it, you cannot help him overcome it, HE has to decide to get HIMSELF through it. If you must, suggest he visit a AA meeting and get himself sobered up.

Many a man that has killed a woman, has hurt them before. It may be bruises now, but this kind of shite tends to escalate. Do yourself a favor, take counseling if you feel it will help, but by all means - GET AWAY FROM THIS GUY.

Hope all goes well.
Click to expand...


My sister (step) was nearly killed by her now ex-boyfriend. I had no sympathy for her then and I don't have any for NCgirl! The day you choose to open your eyes, could be your last. If NC doesn't get out of this relationship NOW, she may never get out!!! When she does walk away from it, I then WILL have sympathy for her. When she walks away, her first stop should be the courthouse.........FILE A RESTRAINING ORDER!!!!

The day my sister tried getting him out of HER house, he hand cuffed her to the basement. Family didn't hear from her for few days! She didn't show up Christmas day! After x-mas, I called my uncle (who is chief sherriff) and we drove out to see what was wrong with my sister. That moron called a "man" by age was holding her in her home against her will BECAUSE he didn't want her leaving HIM........"HE LOVED HER"........Love doesn't do that shit! Sorry! Not in my book. My sister didn't want us doing anything because it was BEAT in her head, "He does this because he loves me!" "I deserve this treatment!".......After hearing my sister say these things to me and my uncle (who was on duty) I picked a fight with this "man." I said, "Why don't you show me just how much of a man you REALLY are BIATCH!!!!!" I called puss boy, little girl, etc...enough to make him made....begged him to touch me.....after about 5 min my uncle called back up because he and I were duking it out!!!!!!! Anyway, when back up came, his dumb arse jumped out the window and started fighting the police.....LOL.....The dog was release and his but went to jail...Then to prison!!!!!!!!!!!

My sister is now living a peaceful life!

I agree with Stickboy! STOP MAKING EXCUSES!!!! Don't you LOVE yourself enough NOT TO put up with HIS abusive ass??? Look in the mirror and ask yourself, "Who am I?" "What do I want to do in life?"...............Each time he does this to you, a piece of you dies!

Hon, if you want to talk to a victim, send me a pm and I'll give you my sisters phone number.

Babs
 
Andrea, you don't deserve this! He is nothing but a little punk, not a man. Yeah it takes a big man to beat up on a woman doesnt' it. You need to take out a restraining oder on him and next time he comes back, he needs to be thrown in jail. There are many more men out there that would love to treat you better! I see this on a regular basis working as a PO. Believe me, when you get rid of him, you will never be happier. Like Babsie said, just do it!
 
Exactly!! You'll be MUCH happier
 
It'll hurt in the beginning because you'll feel like your falling to pieces, but in the long run you'll be better off. Time heals alot, but if he kills you, your family and freinds will be hurting as well.
 
when you spend alot of time with someone you tend to lose a bit of your own idendity...you become a "we" rather than an "i"....this is a great thing if you are with the right person because you add to each other and are happier together.

with the wrong person this can be a disaster because if you have to break up with them it only adds to the hurt and you tend to feel lost till you get your identity back, get the strength to stand on your own, and deal with the grieving.

I have MANY (too damn many) friends that sound just like your boyfriend...there is good in there and that is the part you fell in love with...but there is bad too and if that bad side cant be controlled or if he isnt willing to control it (get help, stop the alcohol) then he isnt worth your time and love.

what he is really saying is: the alcohol is more important to me than you are....and the anger is a part of me so just deal with it....i dont respect or love you enough to change!

please dont think that it is your job to help him...you can support him if he REALLY WANTS ANS TRYS TO CHANGE, but that doesnt sound like the case.

dont think that if you show him as much love as you can he will return it and change...that doesnt work...i've tried several times.

the best thing you can do for yourself...and him...is take some time apart...enough time to get over the hard emotjions and the crying so that you are thinking clearly. If you want it to work let him deal with his problems and come back to you when he is on the right path.....if you dont, you will just follow him down the wrong path for the rest of your life and miss out on alot of happiness.

you are beautiful and obviously very caring...don't think for a second that something better wont come along if you do decide it will not work...there are guys out there without all those issues and they WILL find you.

if he says he'll change let him change...think of it like a car that is damaged and you are waiting to get it back from the shop and they keep trying to return it too you still broken saying it will fix itself just drive it a while......you wouldnt accept the car till it was running right....dont accept the boyfriend till he is running right either.
 
DrChiro is a wise wise man....
 
I fear that giving advice in this thread would be like talking to a wall. You won't leave him and when HE decides, you WILL take him back. He WILL hit you again and you WILL take him back after that. More than ONE person has a problem here. I have been asked advice from friends many times who are in the same situation and they just push the advice aside when their significant other gets back in the picture.

Here is a direct quote from your post:

"But, in my head I know I should leave him alone, because as I'm sitting here typing this I've got a black eye that still hasn't gone away from last Mondays "event" of the night. But his excuse for this is that he was drunk and I bruise easy."

Was he drunk when he gave you this "apology"? It doesn't sound like a very good apology to me. This leads me to believe that it would happen again. If it were an isolated incident, he should have been on his hands and knees begging. I am not giving you advice cuz I know you won't take it, but read between the lines.

































Awwwwwww screw it.

STOP BEING SUCH A RETARD AND DUMP THE PRICK.

I couldn't resist. :D

By the way, you are hot, go find a good man-bitch that isn't abusive. ;)
 
lol..."man-bitch"...i never heard that term before

sometimes i get treated like a man-bitch...that is going to be my new favorite word......besides "rick james bitch!"

i do have to agree with Dale in the sense that what he quoted didnt sound too strong....but I hope you prove Dale wrong and get the courage to do what is right for YOU.

nikegurl....thank you....i try to pretend to be wise....when it doesnt come across as a load of bullshit it sometimes seems like i actually know what i am talking about....lol
 
Originally posted by DrChiro
but I hope you prove Dale wrong
Click to expand...

You and me both. It is frustrating to see a good gal with a dik.
 
I don't have a dik. I have a good one. Had to go through a few diks to find the good dik.
 
my girlfriend said i am the "good dick"....i like that
 
Hey Andrea I am so sorry your going through this sweetie. Nobody deserves to be abused --in any sort of fashion. We can help you through this (even though I think you should see a professional also)! I know you love him a lot, and that its hard..but you need to get away from him as fast as you can. It's not your fault at all. He is playing with your mind..to where you will think it is your fault. I was abused by my ex fiance and It took me awhile to realize that it wasn't my fault at all. Even just "little Pushes" that he would do to me.. IS abuse... and it will lead to much much more.

I know how much you love him, and that it is so hard..but really stay away from him. You deserve SO much more and you don't have to take his Shit.

I'm hear for you sweetie, you can PM me anytime, okay!!!

Be strong!!!;)
 
Well I'm pretty much going to say what everyone else said, just a shorter version.

People don't change, if he hits you now he'll do it years from now and it will probably be much worse. Yes the next few months will be very hard without him as you are adjusting, but time will make it better and you will be a better person for it and know what to avoid in your next relationship. That way you can get a man that truly deserves you :thumb:
 
ENOUGH
 
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