Staring into something beautiful

[david]

This entry is reserved for the death of my Grndmother who passed away 6 am this morning.

THE NEXT POST IS MY THOUGHTS

No words shall be spoken

 

[david]

.

 

[david]

*

 

[david]

I will be flying into Hartford, CT and enroute to Vermont within the next few days.

God bless.........

 

[Stacey]

have a safe trip sweetie!!!!

 

[Stacey]

I'm soooo sorry to hear about your grandmother passing away!!!!!! Thats so sad!! Are you okay??? I AM HERE FOR YOU IF YOU NEED ANYTHING!!!! Oh I'm soo sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How did she die?!

 

[Sapphire]

David I am very sorry to hear about your grandma! I am sure she is in heaven, now you have another angel watching out for you!!!

Have a safe trip Sweetie.

 

[david]

Originally posted by Stacey
I'm soooo sorry to hear about your grandmother passing away!!!!!! Thats so sad!! Are you okay??? I AM HERE FOR YOU IF YOU NEED ANYTHING!!!! Oh I'm soo sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How did she die?!

Thank you so much for expressing your condolences, Stacey. Thank you for offering your heart. I wished I had a friend like you, closeby. Thank you very much! Sad, is just one way of putting it because her death shakes up my whole side of my mother's family. Long story so I won't carry on with it. In honesty, on the outside, I look and appear great but on the inside, I'm completely broken down. My heart is ripped and torn in two and I'm speechless. I have this huge welt on my left eye due to stress. These next few days I won't be raising or toasting to anything and this will be another notch of a "low" in my life. I never thought I could feel sunken to the ground, so much that it's hard to get up. It's so hard for me right now due to the fact that I'm 1400 miles away and I can't be there for anyone at this time. I'm helpless and almost feel worthless.
I will be with them very soon!

That's how I really-really feel.

Now, my logic also tells me that these are things in life that are expected and should not come to a shock. Therefore, why sink so low to the ground?

I cannot answer this nor can I carry on pretending not to feel what I should feel.

 

[david]

Originally posted by Sapphire
David I am very sorry to hear about your grandma! I am sure she is in heaven, now you have another angel watching out for you!!!

Have a safe trip Sweetie.

Thank you very much, Cyndi. I am also very sure that she is there and hopefully at peace and with her husband that is if that's how heaven really works. It's hard to have belief in that but I'm very certain I am not ready to find out............ yet.

I am so speechless right now upon that subject that I have to take my mind off it for now.

Currently, I'm on the phone with American Airlines to get a flight out Wednesday or Thursday. I'll probably stay up until Sunday. I don't think I could stay up in VT all that time mind you, in that house! Too many memories. I dread the thought of walking in and NOT seeing either grandparents there anymore. Another thought I dread is that my mother will reside there as well and to see her lonely in a place that holds memories and to know that she could spend her end life is TOO much for me. Trust me, thinking about her death is not what I am thinking but thinking of the patterns. No, I'm not making any sense right now but I do believe I'm allowed that privilege. It's the same thought I guess coming back to Florida and finding eveything has changed and everything that I loved, gone.

 

[david]

Better NOT have inclement weather Thursay morning!!! As for inclement weather when leaving, I do NOT care bc/ I will be leaving the Northeast.... running away from all the sadness that will occur for the next few months.....

Running away............ like I've always done.
Running away from it all. Having no more fears
Seeing nothing from behind
Running into only bright lights
Feeling I have won

I feel rain and in reality it's everyone's tears..
Running.. faster.. I'm running away.

Something I wrote last night on Piano that my lead singer will incorporate for a song in relation to my grandmother's death

 

[david]

-11 degrees.... just great. Let's see, what the hell does a Floridian where in the Northeast to satisfy himself fomr that type of weather?

F'n ridiculous!

 

[greekblondechic]

im very sorry to hear that david.. *BIG HUGS* things will be ok soon, wish i could give u a real hug

 

[katie64]

Again I'm very sorry to hear about your Grandma, times like these can be very hard, I will be thinking of and praying for you

 

[david]

Originally posted by greekblondechic
im very sorry to hear that david.. *BIG HUGS* things will be ok soon, wish i could give u a real hug

Thank you very much, GBC. These past few days have been hard but tomorrow, I will be back on a plane back into my own life and hopefully, I will roll forward with lightning speed!

 

[david]

Originally posted by katie64
Again I'm very sorry to hear about your Grandma, times like these can be very hard, I will be thinking of and praying for you

You too, Ba-beh! Thank you all so very much!!!

 

[david]

A real quick note!

Life should be back to normal Sunday at 1:55pm. (I will be back in Ft.Lauderdale, FL!)

Currently, I'm in IAB/MBC land!

I was in Vermont and the wind chill recorded was -22 degrees.

See you all tomorrow with details of how I REALLY FELT about the cold weather!

May my plane take off in a timely manner!!!!

BTW, I'm wearing my wind pants and gym shorts and when I get on the plane, I'm ripping my wind pants off and taking off my sweater!!!!

And I don't care what "other's" think!

Lastly, I cut a deal while I was in Vermont and purchase a new car! Headache number 2 is OUT of the way!

 

[Hammerlynn]

Hey David! I've been asleep apparently and did not see about your grandmother. I'm very sorry and hope that this finds you feeling more at peace with everything. There are things that could be said but I won't. Just know that she is somewhere so amazing that offers her every dream come true

I'm also sorry about the cold..lol We had it here last week and the poor dog would not even go outside!

Have a safe trip back sweetie!

 

[katie64]

Originally posted by david
A real quick note!

Life should be back to normal Sunday at 1:55pm. (I will be back in Ft.Lauderdale, FL!)

Currently, I'm in IAB/MBC land!

I was in Vermont and the wind chill recorded was -22 degrees.

See you all tomorrow with details of how I REALLY FELT about the cold weather!

May my plane take off in a timely manner!!!!

BTW, I'm wearing my wind pants and gym shorts and when I get on the plane, I'm ripping my wind pants off and taking off my sweater!!!!

And I don't care what "other's" think!

Lastly, I cut a deal while I was in Vermont and purchase a new car! Headache number 2 is OUT of the way!

Good news about the car your so lucky to be in warmer weather Sorry my line was busy all night, was on the other pc receiving 50 some odd. emails from Jack, tell ya about it later

 

[david]

Originally posted by Hammerlynn
Hey David! I've been asleep apparently and did not see about your grandmother. I'm very sorry and hope that this finds you feeling more at peace with everything. There are things that could be said but I won't. Just know that she is somewhere so amazing that offers her every dream come true

I'm also sorry about the cold..lol We had it here last week and the poor dog would not even go outside!

Have a safe trip back sweetie!

Thank you, Hammer! I'm glad you venture into my journal every now and then!

I know, now that it's over and life has to move on I do (currently) think about how my mother is handling it. She has her sister's and brother's nearby but I have that guilt that I should be closer by. I would love for her to come and live in Florida but it wouldn't be fair because the majority of my family live up there!

Oh well, time will tell what decisions I make here soon! As for my grandmother, I know, she seems at peace and I often wonder and hear the eco of her words of "why am I still alive? Why does God keep me alive as I suffer physical and mentally?" Chilling, huh? And then, that day of Jan. 5th she lays her eyes to sleep and does not wake. One has to wonder when her body failed. Sure, these are thoughts of wonder and sadness fills my eyes as I type it but when one wishes for death and they receive it, did they really want it? Are they happy?

Enough of that.

Thank you again, Hammer for you kind thoughts and prayers.

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR CONCERNS AND PRAYERS as this is the last open thought of the subject.

I must move forward in life and think of other things as my heart still stays with my family, in particular, my grandmother.

 

[david]

Originally posted by katie64
Good news about the car your so lucky to be in warmer weather Sorry my line was busy all night, was on the other pc receiving 50 some odd. emails from Jack, tell ya about it later

Hey Ba-beh!!!

That's OK, I did get to speak to you that night and it was so nice to hear your voice!

I want to hear what "Jack" in the box has to sell to you emotionally. Geeze, he loves torturing you, doesn't he?

We'll talk very soon!

Ba-beh! I'm going to see you soon! Aren't you happy? I'm kinda excited in getting to meet you finally!!!

 

[david]

What irks me!!!

My oldest sister and her slefishness!

She tells my mother to sell my grandmother's land (4 acres) and a creeky old house (Stacey... if you're reading.. the one where I get scared ).

Nonetheless, her intentions are for my mother to buy a new house so that she can live there, too!

GOD DAMN.... SHE'S SELFISH! I have a thing or two for her if she makes my mother have a nervous breakdown! I will fly back into "below zero" land faster than you can imagine and do it!

 

[david]

OK,

Some exciting news! After this week, I weighed in and GOAL ATTAINED!!! I was so excited I called Debi in VT and scream in joy!

I can't wait to see her tomorrow and Tuesday!

So, I'm off to the next level with Deb!

 

[david]

Side NOTES!!!

It was really really cold! You know, I looked at the US Today paper while in Vermont and read around the US and Canada for temp readings and it was colder than Alaska... Colder then Manitoba, CN, Montreal, CN. WTF?? OMG! That is ridiculous!

The funny thing is when I got off the plane with my T-Shirt and shorts as I mention above that I would. Funny though, when I was at BDL (Hartford/Springfield) airport, I wore a T-shirt standing outside! Yes, people looked at me funny but I cared NOT!!!

But, it was cold in Florida too! Even Funnier!!!

 

[david]

So the big shocker came when my family, friend's all around New England had to take second and third glances at me asking me where my weight went to.

I told them that I stopped the steroids, heavy lifting and strict dieting and then, thirty thousand questions came! ZZZzzzZZZZZ

Oh well, I think it's funny because my diet was a no show while there and I ate the worst crap you can imagine the past 3 days

So they raised an eyebrow!

 

[Freeman]

hey dave, sorry to hear about your grandmother. my thoughts are with ya bro!

 

[Freeman]

oh yeah, and do you have any recent pictures to show us how all that dieting is going?

 

[david]

Do you need pictures when in two weeks, you can see me in person??? But I'm not taking my clothes off for you.... ever!

 

[Freeman]

I'd just like to see some before and afters, that's all! haha

 

[david]

You will. On Deb's site, sonny!

 

[david]

I have so much to do and so little time! And that little time can't be on here........ for now!

Quick Notes: car problem solved! At least for the Honda. As for the Miata, it still sits in the driveway! Hate the F***g thing!