Bowden
Elite Member
- Joined
- Dec 18, 2009
- Messages
- 1,798
- Reaction score
- 736
- Points
- 0
1) Porsches can "heal" themselves after repeatedly crashing into a Fiat and rolling onto their sides.
2) Two people can crash into a pole at 50 mph, wearing no seatbelts, and walk away.
3) Uzi's do not run out of ammunition until everyone is dead.
4) Being electrocuted will give you superhuman strength.
5) The best place to lock up a hostage is in a large roomwith balsa wood covering the window openings, with no guards outside the window.
6) The only way to break through balsa wood is with a disassembled doorknob.
7) Cheap airplanes are started by punching the control panel and saying "Fly or DIE!"
8) The best way to discreetly tell someone that people may be out to get him is by flying a military helicopter through the rolling mountains of Southern California to meet him.
9) Three men in a van can easily survive an explosion caused by a rocket being shot into the van's gas tank.
10) You can't just unbutton someone's shirt. You have to rip it open, and hold it open while talking to them.
11) A man's center of gravity does not change when picking up another man and holding him at arm's length.
12) Surplus stores have enough equipment to blow up an entire compound.
13) The only way to break into a surplus store is by driving your handy bulldozer through the front of it, for everyone to see.
14) However, no one will see what happened in (13).
15) A Chevy Blazer with no brakes can still brake.
16) A Chevy Blazer will explode three times upon rollover.
17) Tranquilizer darts are instantaneously effective.
18) One can walk about an airplane during takeoff if he claims that he is airsick.
19) Old Fiats are as fast as new Porsches.
20) Explosives set on the outside of a building will cause the building to explode from the inside
21) Upon being scalped by circular saw blade, one becomes instantly pale.
22) Really good hair gel will not wash out, period.
23) Shopping malls have about 100 inept security guards apiece.
24) The best place to secretly exchange false documents for a briefcase-full of money is in a very public bar in a very public shopping mall.
25) Upon being blown up by a hand grenade, one does an acrobatic somersault.
26) Upon being shot, one acts like a cartoon character tripping backwards over a step.
27) Hedge deflects bullets.
28) If your daughter is being held hostage on an island, you should blow up every building on that island except one, because chances are she'll be in that one.
29) People commonly use stairs to get onto large commercial jetliners at Los Angeles International Airport, not jetways.
30) If a large truck comes barreling down a mountain toward you while you are driving, you should not brake. Instead, you should just say, "he's gonna hit us!" and keep driving at the same speed.
